AITA for “throwing a tantrum” upon finding out I’m getting another sibling?

In a household of nine children, where seven face severe physical and mental disabilities, an 18-year-old girl confronts the crushing weight of responsibility thrust upon her and her twin brother. Born into a family struggling not only with financial hardship but also with the burden of unmet needs, she feels the sting of sacrifice as her own dreams and freedoms are repeatedly sidelined.

The story of this resilient young woman is one of quiet endurance and heartbreaking compromise. As she and Jake watch their hard-earned savings vanish to support their siblings and parents, their own hopes for independence and joy are stolen away, leaving them trapped in a cycle of giving that threatens to consume their youth.

AITA for "throwing a tantrum" upon finding out I'm getting another sibling?

I’m 18f, I’m the middle child of 9. 7 out of the 9 of us have severe physical and mental disabilities, and I firmly believe my parents kept popping out more in order to have a healthy child they can force to help out.

Those two healthy children are me and my twin brother, Jake.

9 kids, 7 of whom are severely disabled, and the other two being financially dependent on you is a lot. My parents are shit broke, and me and jake have been footing the bill a lot. The main current example I have of this is me and jake were meant to be going on a week long trip with friends that we had both saved up for but sibling needed something and we had to give our savings up.

We were going to move out recently but the money we saved towards a deposit was also needed, and never paid back.

Jake and I can’t do any activities or go out very often with the global situation like this so these were two things that were important to us that were robbed.

The 9 of us range from 25 down to 3, and I was really thinking my parents were done popping kids out because my mom is 43, but no. Clearly not.

They dropped the bomb on me on Saturday, and I immediately lost my shit. I started saying things like they can’t afford another baby, or more therapies, they can’t even properly take care of the 7 that need it without relying on me and jake and other family members.

Eventually I told my mom just to abort it, and I kinda regret that, kinda don’t.

My mom started to cry, my dad started to shout back at me. I simply said, fuck this, I’m leaving and left on Saturday night. I’m staying at a friend’s house, and my parents have been calling and texting.

Can’t be stressing mom out while she’s pregnant bullshit.

Jake did text tho, said I was being a bit of an ass over this, and what I said to mom was uncalled for. He also thinks I’m the ass for running out when he can’t do everything on his own.

AITA?

Here’s how people reacted:

Sweet_Charming82

YTA but your frustration is completely understandable. You blew up at them after years of pressure and rejection. You let things build up until everything exploded. You know you need to respect your parents so what you said to hurt your mother is what made you the AH.

Take some time to gather your thoughts. If that means you need to be away for a week then so be it. You are 18. I am not sure what country you are in and your cultural expectations and all that but you need to make a choice. For me, you go back and talk to them like adults. Apologize to them but tell them you can no longer support them. you are moving out as soon as you can and they are going to need to find another plan for income. You can maybe try and put aside a little something to give them monthly but that’s going to be after you get settled in your own place and figure yourself out financially.

you ARE right that two parents with 9 children should not be having anymore. They can adopt the child out if they have too but it is selfish of them to keep having these kids and expecting you children to foot their bill. Is the dad/mom working at all? Again, I completely get and even agree with your feelings. I just wish you were able to voice it out in a better way before things exploded. Good luck with the situation.

Corfiz74

Get Jake out of there, as well – they are your siblings, NOT your children, and are the sole responsibility of your parents! If your mom thinks she can handle another child, see how she handles the other seven without your and Jake’s help. You need to stay with friends until you have saved up enough for your own apartment – do odd jobs for them, offer to pay them back once you’re settled and can earn full time – anything to get out of your current living situation. I bet everyone else has been screaming it at you already, but parentification is parental abuse, and your parents have no right to use you like that.

Regarding the financial abuse: you and your brother need to get new accounts at a different bank that your parents don’t have access to. When they don’t know how much money you have saved, they can’t demand you give it up. You are over 18, so they have no right to access to any of your things. Stand firm!

Momtobe2022

Difficult.
ESH I‘d say. It’s not your place to tell your mom to get an abortion. You should apologize for that comment.

BUT: your worries and concerns are 100% legitimate! You are a child and not a parent. You in no way should feel obligated to nor be forced to help out the way that you are.

My advice: apologize but stand your ground on prioritising your needs in the future. The way that they are treating you is unhealthy and I actually recommend to talk to a professional about it. Even if it’s just to get it off of your chest.

I am sorry you have to deal with this and am also sorry for your siblings. It’s clearly not a very stable environment to grow up in. Don’t tell your parents about any money you are saving up in the future. They clearly rely on you too much and precedent shows you and your brother will help out if they beg you to.

Stay strong and take care!

aa0930

ESH. You shouldn’t have said what you did to your mom. If you’re adult enough to be working and trying to move out, you should be grown up enough to have a civil conversation about it instead of throwing a tantrum and telling your mother to have an abortion. Your parents suck even more though, they’re selfish to keep having children when they can’t afford the ones they have and have to rely on their healthy kids to provide for the ones who aren’t.

My advice: start saving again to move out, do not give that money to your parents. If they ask for it, direct them to state assistance programs. Make sure the money is in an account that is only in your name.

__homiesexual__

I don’t understand why people continue to have children when A, they can’t afford it and B, most of their biological children have life changing disabilities/conditions. Having disabled children isn’t a bad thing, but when you can’t care for them properly it’s unfair for you to continue bringing more into the world.

NTA, honestly, an abortion sounds like the smartest idea. You and Jake should makes plans to move out and stop financially supporting them. ETA, you should however apologize about the abortion comment, yes it’s the smartest thing to do, but it’s her body and making comments like that is out of line. But I sympathize with your outrage.

PersephoneTheOG

NTA at all. Your parents are irresponsible and are parentifying you and Jake. My advice, move out as soon as possible.

Save your money in secret so that your parents can’t access it and get out before you go insane. This was a choice your parents have made ( after 9 kids you know how to avoid having babies) , but you should not have to suffer for it.

You deserve to have a life, and you’re not here to solve your parents’ issues.

NotTwitchy

While under normal (and I stress the *normal* part) circumstances, what you said would be very uncalled for, these are *incredibly* abnormal circumstances.

Most people don’t have 9 kids.

Most people don’t have 7 disabled kids

Most people don’t make their able bodied kids foot the bill for their siblings

Most people then wouldn’t also go for an even 10.

You need to run as far as you can, and jake should too. NTA

Grab_Specialist

Honestly I would consider joining the military, along with your brother. Your parents are the parents. It is time for you to start your own life. If you don’t get out while you’re still pretty young, you could end up living under their roof for decades, taking care of their kids for them

BeepBlipBlapBloop

NTA – You are not responsible for your parents or your siblings. It’s unfair to put that on you. You need to get out of that house and start your own life.

Your parents made their decisions but that doesn’t mean that you and your brother are bound by those decisions.

Mr_Extraction

NTA – agree with the above poster saying this is abusive. I would move out as quickly as humanly possible. And if money is the problem start putting some aside and don’t tell ANYONE, that money is for you and you alone.

Ok-Drag-5929

YTA your parents are grown ass adults and if they want another kid that’s their business. And it might have been an accidental pregnancy. And you’re definitely TA for saying what you said to your mom.

mdthomas

NTA

You’re not wrong.

You’re also not responsible for the well being of your younger siblings. Your parents are!

Move out if you can or they will just keep using you for childcare.

b3lindseyb3

If the kids are disabled, then they qualify for medicaid automatically. I think that your parents might be pocketing your money for themselves.

canuck_2022

NTA. You are 18 – move out. Not your kids, not your problem to support. And stop giving your parents money that you need to live on

Inevitable_Tomato824

NTA: Have you ever thought about going to therapy? They can give you better ideas on the situation and ways to handle this

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is experiencing extreme emotional distress due to the perceived exploitation of her and her twin brother’s labor and finances to support a very large family, seven members of which have severe disabilities. The central conflict arises from the parents’ decision to have another child despite clear financial instability and the resulting cancellation of the OP’s long-planned social opportunities, leading the OP to react with extreme anger and ultimately leave home.

Given the OP’s feelings of being trapped and used versus the parents’ overwhelming responsibility and the brother’s plea for support, the core question remains: Is the OP justified in prioritizing her immediate autonomy and well-being by leaving, or is she obligated to stay and contribute to the family’s immense needs, even at the cost of her own future?