The tipping point came when Macy asked to use his bathroom, citing the disgusting state of John’s. Reluctantly accommodating her once, the narrator soon realized that his bathroom was no longer his sanctuary—it had become a place violated in his absence, a silent battleground of unspoken frustrations and creeping resentment.
I 21M share an apartment with another guy John (22M). John started bringing his GF Macy around a couple months ago. Which I didn’t have no problem with. She’d just stay here couple nights a week.
Problem started happening over a month ago. Macy came to my room once and asked if she could use my bathroom (apartment has a bathroom in each individual room) because John’s is a fucking mess.
I’ve been in there before and I agree. He never cleans it, tub is stained an full of hairs, streaks of piss on the toilet seat, smells like shit, and looks as bad as mens restroom at a public park.
Kinda wish I never let her. After that whenever she was there she’d ask if she could use my bathroom or straight up go when I’m not there. How did I know?
I started noticing toilet paper balled up in my trash bin. My ex used to do this too when she would change her tampon so I knew right away. Then she would literally use my shower when I’m not there because I also started seeing like these long ass hairs stuck on the shower tile.
Not only that, I work night shifts so until late afternoon I’m sleeping in my room. She would wake me up to ask if she could use the bathroom. After I started saying no, she just started sneaking in.
I’m a heavy sleeper but a couple times I did catch her and she apologized but it’s because she can’t stand using John’s bathroom.
I’d tell her to tell him to clean it then and problem solved but she says he promises he will then never does.
I’m already irritated with this and don’t want her continuing going in my bathroom. So I went and got a lock for my room. Few days ago John was pissed with me.
Turns out while I was sleeping she kept knocking on my door trying to go in but the lock kept her out. Anyways she needed to pee really bad and John was already using the bathroom and had the uhh…runs.
So yeah I guess she was banging on my door but couldn’t hear cause I was knocked out and also had my headphones on.
She ended up having a small accident cause she couldn’t hold it any longer. Because of that she got mad at John so now he’s mad at me.
I told him why I got the lock and I don’t want his girl coming into my room whenever she wants to use the bathroom.
It’s weird and she leaves her own mess too.
Still thinks I was a dick for getting a lock in the first place and doesn’t think it’s such a big deal for her to use the bathroom because it’s not like she snoops in my room (I mean idk sometimes I’m not there).
Also dramatic according to him to go through all that trouble.
Macy is giving me the side eye whenever she’s there now and says I didn’t have to be like that with her.
So yeah I didn’t mean for her to have an accident. Don’t think I’m overdoing it by getting a lock when I kinda feel like I didn’t have another option. I wasn’t TA here tho was I? Cause they sure as hell acting like I am
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt compelled to install a lock on their bedroom door after their roommate’s girlfriend repeatedly used their private bathroom and personal facilities without permission, leading to an invasion of privacy and disruption of the OP’s sleep schedule. The central conflict stems from the OP prioritizing their need for a secure, clean private space against the expectation from both the girlfriend and the roommate that the OP should accommodate the girlfriend’s discomfort with the shared, unsanitary alternative.
Was installing a lock an overreaction to a roommate’s guest using private facilities without consent, or was it a necessary boundary defense against continued intrusion into a private sanctuary? The debate centers on the right to exclusive use of one’s personal space versus the perceived minor inconvenience caused to a guest.
Here’s how people reacted:
I feel sorry for the girl having an accident, but seriously how did she get in that situation? I’ve held my pee for hours before, and I’ve never known a case of ‘the runs’ to be so constant that he couldn’t give her a few minutes to use the toilet. So it sounds to me like she was a bit silly for waiting to be that desperate before trying to access the toilet, and John was being a bit of a dick hogging the bathroom. Rather than arguing with each other they are projecting their anger at you, which is just ridiculous.
You have every right to put a lock on your door and have privacy. Honestly i think you’ve had the patience of a saint to put up with your roommates girlfriend waking you up, sneaking into your bathroom, going into your room and bathroom while you’re not there and leaving a mess behind her. You could have kicked off over any one of those issues and rightfully so.
It sounds to me like putting a lock on your door and stopping these shenanigans is forcing them to confront the real issue: John. I am willing to bet that if she is so disgusted at his bathroom and she can’t use yours anymore that it’s forced them to confront the fact that John is disgusting and immature and quite frankly needs to sort himself out.
He’s probably not happy about having to be a grown up and clean for his girlfriend to keep coming round and for him to get laid, she’s probably unhappy about having to confront the issue and realistically stop coming round or break up with him if he won’t do it. But in the long run, this is doing them both a favour because he needs to grow up.
You absolutely had to be like that with her! She was going into your room when you weren’t around and sneaking in while you were asleep, what a huge breach of privacy. Also, you agreed she could use the bathroom the times she asked for permission, you didn’t give her blanket permission to use the bathroom whenever. Not to mention she wasn’t cleaning up after herself, she was expecting you to clean up after her. Also, she should dump your roommate if he’s so disgusting that she can’t share a bathroom with him, I’m surprised she trusts the cleanliness of his junk. Their issues aren’t because you are now enforcing what should be an obvious boundary, their issues stem from your roommate being a huge slob.
NTA.
John is a pig. Macy is dating a pig. She can use her shower at home, or piss in his bathtub if the aforementioned problem happens again, I mean it’s nasty anyway right?
Plus who lets their girl come over without making sure the porcelain throne is squeaky clean? What an animal.
If John cleaned his bathroom or she wasn’t so invasive, you wouldn’t have needed the lock in the first place.
She’s his guest, he can deal with it. If she doesn’t want to use it then she doesn’t have to spend time in his living area.
NAH
And be honest with us – you are a sitcom writer and are just pitching an episode idea on us.