*Just in case he is using Porn to get off instead of having real intimacy.*

Problematic pornography use can slowly destroy a relationship. Know the signs.

✅46% of men view pornography regularly.

✅25% of them are doing so in secrecy.

✅1 in 5 searches on smartphones are related to pornography.

**2024 Porn Statistics**

https://mazeoflove.com/pornography/

r/pornaddiction leads to unsatisfactory sex & r/deadbedrooms. And dead bedrooms lead to r/divorce and the hell of r/loveafterporn.

1.)Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers concluded “an obsessive interest in Internet pornography” was a significant factor in 56% of their divorce cases.

2.)A study published in Social Science Quarterly found that internet users who had had an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more likely to have used online porn.

3.)In a study published in Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity, 68% of couples in which one person was addicted to Internet porn, one or both had lost interest in sex.

1, 2 & 3’s source:

National Review: Getting Serious On Pornography

https://www.npr.org/2010/03/31/125382361/national-review-getting-serious-on-pornography

In 2002 1-2% of men had ED. Now with highspeed internet & unlimited free pornography it 14%-53% depending upon age & location.

Is Internet Pornography Causing Sexual Dysfunctions? A Review with Clinical Reports

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5039517/

Watching Porn Doubles & Triples Divorce Rates

https://www.science.org/content/article/divorce-rates-double-when-people-start-watching-porn

Problematic pornography usage can cause a mutual loss of sexual attraction & unsatisfactory sex.

But What’s Your Partner Up to? Associations Between Relationship Quality and Pornography Use Depend on Contextual Patterns of Use Within the Couple

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8362880/#B45u

PIED (porn induced erectile dysfunction) includes cuming quickly manually & lasting a long time vaginally due to death grip syndrome. They also spend a lot more time in the bathroom & tend to be quiet & disassociated in the bedroom. Sex can feel very mechanical. Women report feeling used & violated, often blaming themselves & childhood trauma. But being treated like a masturabatory tool would make anyone not want intimacy. Problematic pornography users are generally bad lovers.

ESH. OP – have you been to see a doctor and are trying to get to the bottom of why you have zero sex drive?  Two months is a patheticly short time to be looking outside of your marriage if your spouse is unwell. However, sex is really important. I would be very resentful if my husband sex drive just died and he expected me to just put up with no sex while he did nothing about it. Just to be clear, I would absolutely stand by him while he is getting medical treatment for an illness or work with him to spice up our sex life if he wasn’t finding it fulfilling etc. It is just the sex drive dying and expecting me to accept a dead bedroom because they refuse to even visit a doctor. I hope OP visits a doctor and gets the help they need. I also think you should get marriage counselling to work through both your resentments. The husband could just be a huge AH but there is very likely a lot more to this the info provided.

Sex is not a need it’s a want. Intimacy is a need in a relationship though. If he only wants an orgasm, which is what he would get with someone else, he can jerk off.

Sometimes I think guys like him probably want a lot more than just sex but think sex will solve it. It won’t. I wonder if he’s just saying that shit out of feeling hurt and rejected? Not feeling close to your spouse can make people feel like shit.

How is your relationship aside from that? Are you affectionate? Do you two have casual affection together where you make the other feel loved and appreciated?

If you’re ready to divorce and he’s ready to cheat that easy, do you really have a loving relationship? It sounds like you’re enemies

While it is good to meet other people’s needs, another thing we can do is let our partner’s fulfill their needs by themselves. When your partner needs people to hang out with, do you get upset if they hang out with their friends. If your partner is tired and sore, it is nice to give them a massage. But you shouldn’t get upset if they go elsewhere to get a massage.

Now when it comes to sex, why would say “No you can not have sex with me but you can’t have sex with anyone else either.” After all, hopefully you are providing more than just being their wife, but doing many other things.

NTA it’s clearly against you boundaries for the relationship and is considered cheating in your relationship. He should know you wouldn’t like him doing so and would be hurt so shouldn’t do it regardless of “his needs”. My partner has a lower sex drive then me and would never expect sex from him nor go out and have sex with someone else because I haven’t with him. If he needs sex that badly it may be best to go through with your idea of divorce since he’s admitted he’d cheat given the chance.

Wow. 2 months isn’t even that long in a committed long term marriage. He admitted he would cheat on you given the chance. Your sex drive will increase and decrease as you go through life that is an inescapable fact. There are so many different factors that influence libido, hormones just being a small one. Hopefully you don’t have kids with him and you can bow out of this marriage. He sounds horrendous. And I wouldn’t be surprised if your low libido was due to asshole partner.

ESH,

You asked him because you know something is abnormal about your sex life, but you haven’t taken strides to resolve it. You wanted reassurance that you can twiddle your thumbs regarding a serious problem, while having reassurance that your husband will be happy with being neutered.

He’s an AH because it’s been two months, not two years. What a goofy response given the timeframe of the problem. 

Your husband didn’t actually say that if a woman approached him for sex he would give in. It probably wasn’t even something he had thought about.

YOU ASKED HIM THIS SPECIFIC QUESTION.

Have you considered taking a pregnancy test? If you say you haven’t had a regular period for 2 months it suggests that your periods are generally regular and have stopped.

Maybe. I’m thinking you’re both at fault here. He may just be frustrated and driving home a point. The proper course of action would be for both of you to talk things out and maybe even get a marriage counselor. If him pissing you off from a comment makes you instantly think of divorce, then it sounds like the marriage is already in the crapper.

I don’t understand why people out of the blue ask these kind of hypothetical questions of their partner.

Just ask the real question, “are you feeling unsatisfied at the moment?” “Yes” “Ok, let’s talk about that.”

How about you both try again to have a more mature way to have this conversation, rather than leaping to extremes.

So from this it sounds like you asked him an unprompted question why?…because you knew you weren’t taking care of business? Women love asking those stupid hypothetical questions where what or how you answer actually means anything. In this case, you got your feelings hurt.

Mine hasn’t touched me in a year. I’m sure he’s getting it elsewhere. Been together for some years with two kids. At this point I don’t even care. I think I hate him tbh. I can’t leave. He won’t leave. It just is what it is. Don’t end up like me. Get out while you can.

YTA… You asked a hypothetical question and you’re wanting a divorce over the response, you did it to yourself… What did you expect him to say? “Nah I only want the one person that’s not meeting my needs”? PS. Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to…

Slam the door behind him. With that answer he may have already cheated. If he can’t accept that you may have a medical issue then he has shown you that the only one who matters is him and his needs. Get rid if this thing, deal with your health and move on

I hope you’re not pregnant, and I hope you see that he is not committed to you in any way.

You are married, not dating, his response is him telling you he is a self-centered person who doesn’t care about you or your well-being at all.

Stupid response from him, but you should also figure out why are your hormones like that.

Fix diet, start working out, do something about it.

He probably said it in anger. At least I hope he did. Talk with him. Don’t ask on reddit. 

Maybe you should go see your doctor if you think your hormones are out of whack, just sayin’.

And YTA for asking a question that you weren’t sure you would like the answer to. Were you expecting him to say “of course not, sweetie!”?

NTA- A loving husband doesn’t say he’s gonna fuck the first woman who gives him the chance. You need to divorce him for your own good. You deserve to find someone else who actually loves you enough to not cheat.

NTAH, but this is kinda what you get for having no sex drive. What do you think will happen when you’re not in the mood to have sex? he’ll just be happy and content with a smile on his face? Be for real.

Uh he doesn’t view you as a wife or partner. You are just some sort of sex toy like all the other women in the world. NTA and I would actually get a pregnancy and STD test along with that divorce.

ESH

Most men needs it like water or food. Some are less thirsty than others. He might just talk out of spite. Whatever it is, you should take care of your health before wasting time with this…

A man may be flattered but not unfaithful. I think about what would happen if i lost my life, id be devestated. He must not care that much to lose the life he has over his di**

I hope you’re not planning a future with kids because his mindset is the kind that gets a mom cheated on in the 6 weeks post recovery where sex is medically not allowed.

ESH. What have you done to address your potential hormonal issues? Yeah his answer was fucked up, but it’s also fucked up that his needs are being ignored.

Maybe you can have sex with your husband every week or something. He’s probably really frustrated. A happy husband wouldn’t respond to you like that

Poor foolish and stupid guy didn’t know when to stop joking… and haven’t had a period for 2 months? Uhh, pregnancy test time?

If you’re not going to have sex with him, why do you care if he gets it elsewhere? And why are you surprised by this? 

So if you had been pregnant and just gave birth, is he gonna step out bc “what about his needs!”. The bar is in hell.

Most men would if you give them a sexless relationship. Good on him for at least admitting it.

YTA fo sho. You created every part of this situation. Give the poor guy a suck job sheesh

NTA. He should be trying to help you get better, not looking for some skank to screw.

NTA. He told you to your face he’d cheat on you. No hesitation. Because “my needs.” 

Girl, leave his ass. you should’ve left his ass yesterday.

Nta

He told you he’d cheat if given the chance.

Annulment if you file now.
And, yeah, ya should.

You’re a bang maid to him it seems.

PSA – check your thyroid levels!

Do him a favor and divorce him.