With each bruise and hospital visit, her worry deepened, morphing into a desperate plea for change. She questioned if asking him to quit was wrong, torn between supporting his dreams and protecting their fragile bond from being broken apart by the very game he couldn’t let go.
I (23f) have been with my boyfriend (28m) for about two years. He has played rugby for the entirety of our relationship and started about a year before we met. Every Saturday “is rugby day” where he wakes up- watches a game- plays a game with his team- and then watches another game after- usually followed up by highlight reels on YouTube until he goes to bed.
He has a two hour practice every Tuesday and Thursday. He coaches a highschool team. He assistant coaches a college team.
After every game, practice, scrimmage, etc. he comes home with some sort of injury or is just in general debilitated by pain. Covered in bruises and cuts. He has been to the hospital for a separated shoulder, a split open eyebrow, a split open lip that went all of the way through his muscle and fat, and the most recent was he got a bunch of turf beads in his eyelid and was almost blinded (not exaggerating) by it.
He will take off work for games and practices, he will cancel dates for games and practices, he will miss important events for games and practices. My family home caught on fire- we had a fundraiser- HE TRIED TO SKIP IT FOR A GAME (the game got cancelled so that’s why he showed up).
We were out to my birthday dinner and he asked if we could rush it so that he could make his practice after. We can’t go out and do anything on a rugby day, we can’t have sex on a rugby day, he can’t function on a rugby day.
And his excuse is “it’s tough on rugby days”…. well his “Saturday is a rugby day” has turned into every day is a rugby day.
He gets stressed out financially because where we live is extremely expensive. But, he has money for new cleats, new studs for his cleats when they break off, tape for his joints for games, team memorabilia.
Basically, he has money for rugby like an addict has money for his fix.
I want to say I’m glad he has something he enjoys. I’m glad he coaches and that his students look up to him and that it makes him feel good about himself. We’ve both met some incredible people through the rugby community.
But, the phone calls at 1am that he’s in the hospital due to an injury, getting yelled at because he’s broke, having to cater to him whenever he plays because he’s sore, consoling him when he’s bawling his eyes out because he lost a starting position and having to eat sleep and breathe rugby because he does….it was too much.
He freaked when I asked him to leave. Told me I don’t appreciate the things he cares about, said I should be thankful he has rugby or else he would be dead. That he has nothing else.
I feel horrible. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster is experiencing significant emotional distress due to the overwhelming presence of her boyfriend’s rugby commitment, which has negatively impacted their relationship milestones, financial stability, and her personal care. The central conflict lies between her justifiable need for a balanced partnership and her boyfriend’s seemingly absolute prioritization of rugby, to the point where he equates its removal with a threat to his very existence.
Given the severity of the injuries, financial strain, and emotional labor imposed on the poster, was her request for him to stop playing a reasonable boundary to protect the relationship, or was it an unfair demand that disregarded his core identity and passion? The debate centers on where the line should be drawn between supporting a partner’s passion and safeguarding the health and stability of the shared life.
Here’s how people reacted:
It sounds like you are pretty miserable in this situation, and he’s not going to change, so why stay at all? I suspect the non-rugby playing dating pool is very large.