A couple times a month I have a group of friends over and we play Star Trek games. Yeah pathetic Fanboys I know. But it amuses us.

Sometimes we will meet in a more public venue and have a tournament. Maybe even a trophy.

I generally decide myself who gets invited and who does not. Often times I throw the invitation open to everyone in earshot. But sometimes I limited to a select group of friends.

To be sure, if you don’t like Star Trek if you don’t talk the right way about Star Trek then you’re not going to be invited and you’re not going to be able to attend.

I have no problem with people who don’t like Star Trek who don’t speak about it in reverential tones. But they won’t be at my party.

I’m a guy. I’m absolutely certain that I would not fit in at your woman’s dinner at all. And I would not have a problem being excluded solely on that basis.

You certainly have a right to limit attendees to like-minded individuals.

I can handle not being invited to your events just like I’m sure you can handle not being invited to my Star Trek party.

If anyone has a problem with that then that’s just too bad.

I am in a same sex relationship and when my spouse is invited to a “girl’s night” or “no boyfriends” outing I do not go even if I’m invited.

To me the spirit of those outings is to allow people to have time away from their SO and I think that’s important for bonding, and allowing people space outside of relationships or abusive situations. I think the spirit of those things should be preserved as those spaces are for a specific, underserved, audience.

trans men are men, and so no, he should not attend the dinner nor ask to be included. He’s a man.
Spaces for trans men do exist and if they haven’t found one, they can connect with folks and make one.

NTA

Honestly it just seems like you came here looking for validation for something you know could be construed as wrong…… you say you’re inclusive yet at the same time you aren’t……. maybe define your group a bit better so it’s clear to people whom you will include or not. Then in the future you can avoid such an instance and won’t have to worry about how you appear to the world outside……

Trans men are typically welcome in women’s spaces that are provided thru official organizations due to the nuanced overlap in life experiences there. but it’s your event and if you don’t feel it’s appropriate that is fully within your right, frankly he might be validated to hear “sorry but no men allowed, regardless of what’s goin on in ur pants” 😂 – a fellow ftm

Its not a date. If her husband uses he/him pronouns then he should not attend regardless of what he looks like. If its a ladies thing I wouldn’t think that he would want to be there cause its a step back in his progression. I have a friend and she would be very hurt if her wife called her a man even though she looks like one.

Speaking as an AFAB enby who typically doesn’t attend women’s-only events: She may have asked because sometimes women’s events actually means “welcome to everyone except cis men”, but the specifics of that aren’t clear from an event name. In your case you are clear on this, she asked and you answered. No need to feel bad!

“I’m sorry, but this is a women-only group. There are no men allowed, husbands included. All husbands will be staying behind.”

You are literally respecting and affirming his gender identity by refusing him entry to the dinner. It is a **women only** group. Just tell her plainly that no husbands are allowed. NTA.

NTA. I don’t think there is any problem with saying that. The other women attending expect that only women will be there. If you don’t feel comfortable with allowing a man there, even if he just started to transition and passes as a woman, then that is totally fine.

Don’t make any assumptions based on your internet research. Ask her and react based on her response. If he identifies as a man then he should not be included. You did your due diligence and its not your responsibility to police anyone past asking the question.

Just make sure he really does identify as a man. I know many married trans women that still keep the name shake of husband/father or even their original pronouns early on to make the transition for their wives and themselves easier and more gradual.

Is this about defining the trans husband’s gender or excluding men from the dinner? It seems clear to me. If the husband believes he’s a man and men aren’t invited, then the answer is no. Alternatively, what’s the harm in including a he-him trans?

You may want to clarify the husband’s pronouns. If they are he/him you could politely say that the event is specifically for female identifying individuals, and that you don’t want him to feel out of place.

NTA.

Like while he might be a safe person to have in women only spaces because he has lived the same experiences as most women, at the end of the end of the day, it’s a women only dinner, no boys allowed.

I believe it is not acceptable. There is only two genders women and men. What will the women do when he decides to walk in the restroom with them?

NTA. I wouldn’t say “since he identifies as a man,” I would just say, “This is a women-only dinner. Men (cis or trans) are not included.” 

Trans men are men. He can’t play the woman card to come to a women’s dinner and then want to be addressed as a man the rest of the time.

Her husband is transitioning to become a man? If that is correct then I guess not?

How would you handle nonbinary attendees?

Hmmmm. That’s a woman at the end of the day. So… I mean, you’re telling a woman no? Regardless of what anyone here thinks.

Is this a real question? As a trans man I would 100% say no, he’s not invited. It’s for women only. Is he a woman or not?

NTA. If they want to be identified as a man, then they don’t go to women-only events. They can’t have it both ways.

NTA. it’s the same as if any other women attending asked if their husbands could attend. The answer would be no. 

NTA

Your answer is in your own post. It’s a way for women to meet other women. It’s a her/she event.

If they identify as husband they don’t get to come. It’s simple. They can’t have it both ways. NTA

It’s a women’s group. No husbands. Respecting his identity as a trans man means he is excluded.

My question is, what would you lose by inviting him? If it was me, I would just let him attend.

NTA. No men allowed, if they identify as male, then that should not be offensive.

You would be doing him a favour by excluding him. Welcome to being a man buddy.

NTA. This sounds like a wonderful women’s event not a bring your husband thing.

Technically you honored that person’s gender identity more than the wife did.

“I’m afraid we don’t allow husbands to attend our events unfortunately.” NTA

ignore the trans aspect, just stick with telling her no husbands are invited

No because you’re respecting his identity and it’s a women’s dinner lol

NTA you’re respecting his trans identity by saying no.

Nope. A man is a man. Trans, cis, or green alien.
NTA

Only read the title. He’s a woman, let her attend.

Men not allowed? What happened to inclusiveness?

NTA. Case closed. Dont succumb to the buffoons.

NTA. “No one else’s husband is attending”.