But hope shattered the moment the dental hygienist’s tools touched her damaged teeth. Instead of empathy, there was cruelty—a harsh breath of accusation that cut deeper than any physical pain. Her truth was silenced, her voice dismissed, leaving her exposed and alone in a moment meant to heal. This was more than a dental visit; it was a brutal reminder of the stigma and misunderstanding that still shadows those fighting invisible battles.
I have purging disorder. It’s like bulimia but no binge. I’m 25 and started getting help which was hard because everyone associates throwing up with bulimia (or worse “bulemia” and “bullemia”) and gets dismissive.
I’ve been purge free for the first time since I was 10. I hadn’t been to a dentist since I was 12. Well obviously, my teeth are fucked. Now when I made the appointment I was clear that it’s been a long time since I’d been to a dentist and have an eating disorder, and asked if I could schedule with a kind dentist because it was already scary for me.
They said of course, they understand.
When I had the appointment…that’s not what happened. The person who started the cleaning and exam was very rough and as soon as she got into it she made this long deep sigh and said “Let me guess, you’re bulimic?”
I started to say “No, I have purging disorder” and she cut me off as soon as I said no and said something like “Please don’t lie to me. It’s not going to help you or me. We’re going to have to (bunch of stuff I don’t remember/understand.”
I said “No, you don’t understand. I don’t have bulimia, I have–” she cut me off and said “It doesn’t matter. You have severe enamel erosion, several of your teeth have X and Y.”
I said “IT’S PURGING DISORDER” because I thought if I said “no” again she would catapult me.
She said “Okay, sure, “purging disorder”” with air quotes and rolled her eyes.
I’m not proud of it but I started to cry because it was already so anxiety-inducing for me. She got annoyed and took off her gloves, threw them away, and said she would be back when I calmed down.
Instead of calming down, I just got my things and left without paying anything. I cried in my car but shook it off and ended up going home.
When I got home I was still really upset and so I started writing reviews left and right about the situation. I think I left one on like 7 sites. About two weeks later, I got a call.
It was someone from that dental practice who had matched my name with my appointment and was wanted to discuss my reviews and how I was obviously very upset, but was leaving those reviews really necessary.
I said yes, it was, to prevent anyone else from having the same humiliating experience. She argued with me that it wasn’t going to change anything or fix my teeth. I lied and said that I had already seen another dentist who had managed to treat me with dignity and respect and hung up.
On the sites you can reply to reviews, someone responded to me and tried to pretend they worked with me to figure it out.
I’ve talked about this in my therapy group and with friends. A bunch of people are telling me I’m wrong because 1-star reviews can really hurt small businesses and how it’s not their fault they aren’t trained better, but I shouldn’t take it out on them.
I don’t know. I think people need to know. AITA? Is it really that bad?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced a deeply distressing and invalidating experience when seeking necessary dental care for health issues stemming from a long-term eating disorder. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for compassionate, informed medical treatment and the dental professional’s dismissive, judgmental response, leading the OP to feel humiliated and fight back publicly through reviews.
Considering the professional obligation to treat all patients with respect versus the potential negative impact of public reviews on a small business, is the OP justified in prioritizing the warning of future vulnerable patients over the business’s reputation?
Here’s how people reacted:
She was out of line to press the issue. 100%. The dental hygienist (the one who actually does the cleanings) had an attitude and has probably seen many similar cases where the issue was bulimia and the patient was just in denial so took it out on you.
It was unfair of you to go scorched Earth after 1) walking out on your bill 2) not giving the office a chance to give you a different hygienist. Saying something like “You are making me uncomfortable. I would like someone else” and asking for a different hygienist in the middle of the visit is totally acceptable. You may have to wait a bit for someone to free up, but you would be more comfortable.
Also, it could have been used it as an educational opportunity. Of course the onus shouldn’t be on you to teach people, but the difference between bulimia and purging is not as well known outside ED/internal medicine circles and it’s obviously very important to you that you are not mis-categorized.
In the future, rather than repeating “No, I have purging disorder”, you could say something like “They aren’t the same but I understand the confusion since purging is often associated with bulimia.“ Or you could go the slight more agressive but direct “Actually they are not the same thing. I am here to have you help treat the exiting damage to my teeth, not to analyze the cause. I am already aware and have addressed it with my doctor.”
Standup for yourself, but avoid emotional reactions when possible. (I know this is way easier said than done. I’m one of those people who will just start tearing up thinking about confronting someone, get frustrated at it, tear up more, rinse, repeat)
I hope you find an office that you are comfortable with
Before we get more ignorant replies stating “does it matter if it wasn’t bulimia?” I’m going to drop some knowledge: It DOES matter. Very, very much so.
Throwing up with a ton of food in your stomach has a MUCH. DIFFERENT. IMPACT. on your teeth and on your esophagus than throwing up small amounts. The dentist didn’t stop to ask questions, she steamrolled you and treated you like you were a nuisance to her.
OP, you are not going to get a good, educated and informed judgment from Reddit on this one. I would delete this and not budge with your reviews. Fuck their practice.
If she was concerned about your health and she wanted to make sure you were in treatment that would be different. Instead she was dismissive, cruel, and frankly, an idiot.
And I get that you would not want another person with an eating disorder having to face such an insensitive practitioner. Especially as you informed them beforehand.
I am very sorry you had to go through this ordeal. If you ever need an open ear, I am here. I know how hard those disorders are to overcome and what a tremendous achievement it is, to battle for days or months not giving in. Have a hug.
Yes, one employee is not always indicative of an entire business. But if this dentist was as compassionate and understanding as OP was led to believe, there’d be a red flag when they unexpectedly left mid-appointment, with a follow up call.
When OP is upset and humiliated, it’s not on them to approach management in that moment, risking even further callousness.
The dentist is doing his job, he’s like a doctor, many people dont tell him the truth but if someone is lying he cant help this person and he need to know the truth.
Leaving bad reviews on 7 different site was an asshole move, leaving a bad review on one was enough.
If you want to ruin the business of someone who’s only doing his job because you cant take the truth then you’re the asshole.
Regardless of whether or not the procedure was more difficult because of your disorder, she has a duty to look after her patients as best she can (edit: this INCLUDES looking after your comfort throughout the appointment, both physically AND mentally) .
Nobody with so little empathy, patience or simple professionalism should be working in any sort of medical field.
I’m sorry that this happened to you OP, it was really brave of you to start to seek treatment for your teeth when it’s obviously stressing you so much. Could you have a chat to some of the people in your therapy group and ask if they have had any good experiences with a dentist that you could try again with?
YTA – You were being petty and spiteful on purpose and lying to a healthcare professional who was trying to help you.
As someone who also hasn’t been to a dentist in a long time but to mental illness and is currently looking for an understanding dentist I appreciate being able to see such reviews and avoid going to a dentist like that. If they wanted good reviews they should earn them and treat their patients better.
“A bunch of people are telling me I’m wrong because 1-star reviews can really hurt small businesses”
You know what does affect small businesses? Incompetent and rude staff who don’t treat people with respect or decency when they’re in a medical profession.
If your exaggerated or were disrespectful in your language, you’re also an ass, and you should change the reviews to more honest 1 star reviews.
Info
Overly dramatic and spiteful. Disgusting behaviour on your part.
>When I got home I was still really upset and so I started writing reviews left and right about the situation. I think I left one on like 7 sites.
Regardless of what it was her message was the same . And did it really matter that much in that moment what it’s called?! Does it even matter now?! You have some disorder. I think you’re being overly sensitive.
As long as what you’ve said is accurate/not exaggerated, you’ve done nothing wrong.