Erica’s hatred was a relentless storm, mocking her grief, shattering cherished mementos, and stealing moments of happiness with a merciless grip. As their worlds collided into adulthood, the fragile threads of their shared history frayed further, leaving her to navigate a landscape scarred by betrayal and the harsh reality of erased dreams.
When I was 8 my mom passed away and my dad remarried my stepmother when I was 11. My stepmother also had two children of her own Erica (11) and Becky (13). Growing up, Erica and Becky made it clear they didn’t consider me their sister and would continuously exclude me.
They also recruited their cousins (from their mother’s side) and I was pretty much ostracized by them too so family events were horrible.
Erica in particular really hated me and I still don’t know why. She would joke about my mom’s death, break my things (including a necklace that passed from my mom to me), would have massive tantrums when my maternal grandparents bought me anything so I was either forced to share or it was confiscated (note: my stepsisters were never expected to share gifts they got from their dad’s family), would “steal” my friends and boyfriends from me.
When we were both 18, Erica ended up pregnant and decided to keep the baby. Our parents gave her both of our college funds to help her with the cost of having a baby since she didn’t work and the father wasn’t in the picture.
I was devastated and pretty much gave up on the idea of college at this point. Thankfully, my maternal grandparents had been secretly building a separate college fund for me and I won some scholarships, so I was able to go to college with minimal debt.
My relationship with my dad has been strained ever since. So, when I got married, I had my maternal grandpa do all of the typical father-daughter stuff.
My husband owned multiple properties before we got married and has a successful business. He helped me pay off my student debt and we’re doing very well financially. My parents recently got into some financial trouble and so have to downsize their house.
They’re now demanding that I let Erica and her daughter move into either my house or one of my husband’s other properties. I flat out refused. Their argument is that my husband’s sister (who is also a single mother) lives in one of these properties rent free and that if we are willing to do it for her we should be able to help Erica too.
They’re now calling me selfish for making a child homeless and that my husband’s money has made me a snob. Before this, Becky and I had started repairing our relationship and had actually grown closer but now she’s stopped talking to me and I’ve been shut out again.
My stepmother’s family have also reached out to call me horrible names.
The thing is, me and my husband could support Erica and her daughter, and I do feel like maybe I’m being petty for holding something she did to me when we were children against her.
My niece is also the one who’s going to suffer if I don’t help. My husband says Erica is an asshole who never apologised so doesn’t deserve our help anyways, but he’ll help if it’s what I want.
AITA for refusing to help her?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant pressure from their family to provide housing for their stepsister, Erica, and her daughter, due to the parents’ financial difficulties. This conflict is rooted deeply in years of past mistreatment and exclusion by Erica, which has strained the OP’s relationship with their father and the wider stepfamily. The OP acknowledges feeling conflicted, weighing past hurts against the immediate need of their niece, while their financially secure husband supports their refusal.
Is the OP justified in refusing to house their stepsister and niece, given the history of abuse and the availability of their own resources, or does the responsibility to help a family member, especially one with a child facing potential homelessness, override past grievances and create an obligation?
Here’s how people reacted:
This is a woman who actively made you and your life miserable and horrible because of no reason other than what? Jealousy? Because she could? Not to mention her antics almost stole your future and education from you.
She has made no attempt at apologising or repairing your relationship. You have no obligation to help her if you don’t want to.
Best of all, those properties belong to your husband and his business, not you, your family has no right or entitlement to them. And just because he lets his sister and her children live there doesn’t mean your step-sister is entitled to the same treatment.
At this point it would probably be better to just cut your father and step-family off all together, as they clearly don’t respect or care about you at all.
EDIT: It’s worth remembering that Erica also effectively disowned you the moment she said you wouldn’t ever be her sister, so that’s another reason why you don’t owe her anything.
You’ve been verbally and emotionally abused by these people since you were 11, and they mocked the fact that your mom died. If they kept that up until you moved away for college, they were doing it into adulthood. Rather than asking you this themselves, they’ve gotten their family to try and bully you into sharing yours and your husband’s properties.
It may be worth going no contact with them all, since you deserve better treatment than that. Your dad certainly should’ve been sticking up for you all these years, and he hasn’t supported you properly either. He’s actively punished you by taking/confiscating your stuff, then giving away your college fund with no intention of restoring it.
If they want to help Erica, they can get off their backsides and do it themselves. It’s not your job to support the people trying to tear you down.
I hope you and your husband are having a nice life, you don’t owe these people a thing.
Aww, that’s cute. Remember, “No.” is a complete sentence. You owe nobody anything unless you want to.
>They’re now calling me selfish for making a child homeless
I call the parents that have kids they’re unable to care for/house selfish.
>my husband’s money has made me a snob.
Snob=”Not a doormat”
>My stepmother’s family have also reached out to call me horrible names.
“Oh, now that you’ve insulted me i’ve had a complete change of mind and i’d love to house this adult child with a child for free”
You didn’t cause this, you’ve only had disadvantages from this person being in your life. Honestly, I blame your dad, I blame your stepmonster, I blame Erica. I see no universe where you’re TA in this situation.
NTA.
Your husband does not have to do anything for your extended family. There is a huge difference between helping your sister and helping your SIL. Demanding that your husband provide them with a flat and having that sense of entitlement is disturbing. Sounds like they are only contacting you to use you. Did they ever ask you to use your college tuition that was saved for you? Clearly they’re not grateful for the sacrifice that was made on your behalf. You have given up enough for them and your husband is not liable for helping them.
And Becky’s newfound willingness to repair her relationship with you is nicely timed…
She started mending fences?
Hmmm, when you married the rich husband, or when she realized her current financial support was dwindling?
And when you showed your spine, boom!
Becky’s not speaking to you.
Her price for nice?
Free housing.
No deal.
He can’t be this blind sided by “love” for his new wife. If I were you, I’d cut contact with all of them immediately and only keep in contact with your grandparents.
Just as soon as the money from your college fund is returned, your sentimental items from your late mother repaired or replaced, all of your personal items which were confiscated during your teen years are returned and she’s given you a sincere apology for being a heinous cockwomble her entire life.
NTA
It’s hard to do favours for people who have some
wronged you, but its definitely the right thing to do. Not doing it won’t make you an AH though
Your husband is right. Your sister should ask for help to those she has a good relationship with. She has burned all her bridges with you. Let her take her medicine. NTA
If they keep arguing, tell them to use your college fund to support her. Wait, they already did that.
You’ve been supporting this stepsister the whole time, without agreeing too. Maybe if she has to take some responsibility for her own life she’d grow up
But I honestly don’t understand why this is a question. If your relationship with your dad is so broken that you had someone else play the “father” role in your wedding, then why are you still in contact with your dad or his family?
Yeah… I wouldn’t want someone who has actively sabotaged my previous romantic relationships around my husband.
NTA obviously.
Info though, if she had *both* college funds what has she done with all that money. Won’t affect my judgement, just wondering