As the days pass, the flatmate watches helplessly as Kaya mirrors every choice, every change, even the people she cares about. This silent rivalry grows, casting a shadow over their shared space and threatening to unravel the fragile peace of their coexistence. In a world where individuality should shine, Kaya’s shadow looms too close, suffocating the very essence of self.
There’s this girl that lives in my uni halls, we’re not roommates but we are flatmates. Let’s name her Kaya (F, 19). I (F, 19) met her in September when we started university and moved into halls.
We’re not best friends but we are friendly. We don’t really spend much time together.
Over time, my friends noticed that Kaya tried to copy me in everything. It started slowly, accessories and some clothes. Nothing major. I didn’t even notice until people started pointing it out to me.
I have a rather distinct style and she started copying it. I don’t owe the style and she’s free to wear what she likes but it’s the exact same copies of my outfits which is very odd.
But then, it started going further. I dyed my hair, she dyed her hair, I bought something for my room, she bought the same thing. I started chatting with a guy, she became obsessed with that guy to a point that whenever I had a male friend or guy I was interested in over, she would go out of her way to try and get their attention, coming down to the kitchen in nothing but a towel (she never used to do it), etc.
And she would do anything to attract attention. Now, don’t get me wrong, I couldn’t care less if the guy was looking and even if it was my boyfriend looking, I’d have a beef with him not her but the blatant attention seeking behaviour was just odd.
I joined societies and sports and after she found out, she joined the same ones I did. Basically, everything I do, she copies eventually. It’s just really creepy but I haven’t said anything, I wouldn’t even know what to say.
Over the Easter break, my friend and I were at my family house, a bit drunk and decided to test out whether Kaya really copies everything I do. I made a post on social media about shaving my head.
My friend does hairdressing and she helped me out faking shaved head and I posted a photo with shaved head.
I deleted the photo few days later and forgot about this whole thing. After easter break was over, we had uni exams and I was focusing on that. Imagine my shock when I came back and Kaya had shaved head.
And she was pissed when she saw me. She started shouting how I lied to her and why would I do that. She went on and on and on, really angry. Admittedly, I ignored her and hid in my room.
She sent me a text telling me that she expects me to pay for her wig as it’s my fault she shaved her head. I replied that absolutely not, that it was not my fault and she decided on her own to do that.
She kept attacking me over it every time I saw her (it’s been a few days since I came back from easter break). My exams start tomorrow and yesterday I received an e-mail from my university, asking me for a meeting over the issue.
She REPORTED me to uni over something she’s done. I am genuinely confused, was I really in the wrong. AITA for pretending to shave my head and refusing to pay for her wig?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with a highly unusual and stressful situation where a flatmate, Kaya, appears to compulsively copy her life choices, escalating from style imitation to significant life changes. The OP felt justified in conducting a prank to test the extent of this copying behavior, which unexpectedly resulted in Kaya shaving her head and then demanding compensation.
The central conflict lies between the OP’s right to set boundaries against perceived invasion and imitation, and Kaya’s extreme reaction, which involved self-harming action (shaving her head) based on false information and subsequently reporting the OP to university authorities. The core question remains: Was the OP justified in staging a provocative prank to expose the copying, and is she responsible for the extreme, self-inflicted consequences Kaya faced as a result?
Here’s how people reacted:
This meeting with the university is a good thing. Before you go in, sit down and write out every time she has made you uncomfortable, every aspect of copying that you’ve noticed. Try to get evidence, like receipts of purchases you’ve made that she went on to buy. The date of your hairdressing appointment where you dyed your hair, which will predate hers. The dates of you joining societies, you first, and then her. See if any of your classmates are also willing to speak that they have noticed her unhealthy obsession – perhaps the men she’s become obsessed with after noticing you talking to them?
Then make sure the meeting does not include her. You need to feel comfortable to speak openly without her in the room, as she will not react well. When you walk in, immediately thank them for calling for a meeting to address her harassment of you. Take control and lay out everything that’s happened. Explain that you are becoming increasingly concerned for your safety, to the extent you are hiding in your room. It’s affecting your ability to study. She clearly has issues that she needs professional assistance with. If they ask why you haven’t confronted her, reply that you didn’t feel safe because her behaviour is becoming more and more unhinged.
Also, really highlight that you and your friend posted a photograph to your personal social media while you were at home on Easter break. You were off university grounds, during a university break, using non-university websites. It is entirely out of their purview. You also didn’t send this directly to Kaya, or make any suggestion to her that she do the same. Kaya accessed your social media, made assumptions, and continued her attempt to imitate you. You are NOT responsible for her actions, and her reaction to the realisation she no longer resembled you is alarming.
Then ask them how they are going to protect you from someone whose behaviour is now bordering on stalking. Ask if they are willing to support you in talking to the police about a potential restraining order. And then actually call the police. Whether or not they are able to do anything yet, you need this on record, and they will have information on how to protect yourself.
This may sounds extreme, but I assure you, it’s not. Kaya is becoming dangerous. She has moved beyond copying to anger. The next step in that escalation is to destroy the object of her attention. That’s why she has reported you. She wants you to be punished. When this doesn’t get the desired results, her frustration will make her angrier. She will eventually get violent if this isn’t nipped in the bud. She may try to cut your hair so that you and she look alike again.
September was only eight months ago. This isn’t a long period of time and look how invested she is already. Please take this seriously. Don’t let embarrassment or a desire to keep the peace prevent you from protecting yourself. Kaya has taken advantage of your good nature so far, and is now trying to mess with your education. Lay down your boundaries in steel. She is not to ever contact you again. You aren’t to have classes together or share living space. Please take care OP. It’s better to prevent it getting worse rather than wait until it actually is worse.
Write down all your experiences and a timeline of everything that has happened. If you’ve got any physical evidence like pictures, screenshots, chat histories then bring them too. List the people who first noticed her behaviour and offer their details to the uni officials as other people who can give evidence/their viewpoint of the situation (don’t state their names out loud but offer their contact info on paper to the staff).
Go into that meeting stating how concerned you are for yourself, how uncomfortable you feel with this behaviour, and how her behaviour/harassment is now affecting your revision and potentially your appointment in your exams.
Since you are both living in uni halls and this is where she met you through then you expect the uni to step in and do something about this by monitoring her behaviour, and if she doesn’t leave you alone to move her out of your halls and implement a no contact rule between the two of you in uni.
You need to go on the offensive in this meeting and paint a very clear picture of how disturbing this student’s behaviour really is. Tbh, it sounds likr she needs help just as much as you but none of that is on you. Protect yourself.
You didn’t shave her head while she slept, she did it herself while not in your presence.
Don’t tell the uni she was copying you and it was a test. Just say you were drunk with your friend and wanted to see what you looked like with a shaved head, she fitted you out so you could see what you looked like. You decided against it after the fake trial. You had a right to change your mind.
You never tagged the copy cat. You dont know who is viewing your posts. You never told her to. Tell the uni how could you have known she’d shave her head. A reasonable person would not assume someone they are not close with would shave their head based off a Facebook post.
Then present them with the messages of her attacking you. Tell them she is harassing you. Give them a list of eye witnesses who can vouch how she verbally attacks you when you leave your room. Tell them she makes you feel unsafe and is having a negative impact on you trying to study .
You might want to talk to a lawyer for this “meeting” if it might be disciplinary in nature.
I can’t give you legal advice, but if it were me, I would certainly leave out the part about “testing out whether Kaya really copies everything I do.” I’d be more, “while I did notice Kayla joining the same societies as me, dying her hair the same color, etc., I never *imagined* she would actually *shave her head* just because I did (or pretended to) on social media. I was just joking around with a hairdresser friend and posted it on Instagram; the post was not directed in any way towards Kayla!” And as others have mentioned, “I think this and her other actions (provide any documentation) shows that Kayla may be dangerously obsessed with me and I’m beginning to fear for my safety.”
In the meeting: do not say that you posted the photo to see if she would copy you. Say you were playing with a photo-editing app and thought it would be a funny joke to see your friends reactions, or say you were helping a friend who wanted a test subject for their latest cosplay creation.
But, also say that you are very concerned and glad that this has now been raised with the university. You have noticed the behaviour (boys, clubs etc) recently and feel very uncomfortable now that she has done something so drastic.
I want to laugh, because it’s kinda funny how she pretty much outed herself and admitted she’s copying everything you do. (forgot to add, but I can’t really laugh bc this girl could totally be dangerous) I doubt you’ll get into trouble over this, especially if she can’t prove you faked shaving your head to she if she would do it. (you could have just been doing it for fun) Either way, be safe and at this meeting I’d ask if one of you could be transferred to a different flat at least.
Your flatmate reminded me of this Borat quote OP. What’s concerning is though why she’s so obsessed with you and everything you do. It’s rather creepy if anything.
NTA OP. Great success!
she js a danger to herself and the uni needs to know.
If she attaches to the wrong person she could end up in serious trouble…
Go in and say how glad you sre she raised this and how glad you are she will be getting help. Detail her copying you etc etc and have statements from others concerned too…she needs pysch help immedicately
It’s very creepy behavior and weird that she would report this, a normal person wouldn’t. She needs help, and you need to stay away from her.
NTA.
When you come to the meeting try to grab the initiative by saying right away something like: ” Thank for addressing the issue of HER harassing of ME so quickly. It’s starting to affect my studies.”
Hopefully this will teach her a lesson and she’ll stop her behavior.
wow, single white female right here!
Surely her issue will be thrown out of the office when they realise there is no issue.
You don’t owe her anything and it’s not your blame to take.