Frozen in the glare of attention, his heart raced between embarrassment and empathy, caught in the crossfire of social rituals and personal feelings. What should have been a simple answer became a test of grace under fire, revealing the raw, unspoken emotions that lie beneath the surface of high school life.
Alright so today was quite traumatic for me. I’m a high school senior (18M) and promposal season is currently in full swing.
I was in my AP chem class when suddenly an entourage of people entered my classroom with a disabled girl (she has cerebral palsy) that I know. I first saw the posters and the bouquet of flowers she was holding and thought, “aww that’s sweet of her.” Then they revealed the posters and I read my name and was completely taken aback.
I literally almost had a fucking anxiety attack. I didn’t know what to say at all and the entire class was cheering and people even started filming. I was straight up frozen for a minute and I could feel myself burning up with embarrassment.
Of course I wanted to say no, but since it was so public and everyone was waiting for me to say yes, I did and hugged her. Everyone clapped including the teacher and I was mortified.
One of my buddies asked me if I was okay afterwards since apparently I looked like I was gonna burst into tears and I told him I literally did not expect that at all and I didn’t want to say yes.
He suggested that I go find her after school or something and explain that to her and I agreed. Now, this girl is really nice. We had a class together last year and sat next to each other for a majority of it and talked quite a lot.
I would say we were friends then, but we haven’t spoken more than two times this school year so we’ve definitely drifted apart. That’s why I was completely shocked when she sprung the prom asking on me; usually, people have their friends make sure that the other is at least aware before doing the asking to prevent situations like this.
I was contemplating if I should just bite the bullet and go with her, but decided I just couldn’t because it is my senior year prom and I was already starting to plan my asking. There’s this girl that I’ve liked for a couple of months now and I recently heard from my friends that she likes me back so I was gonna ask her.
So I ended up going to the special ed classroom after school where I found her and asked if I could speak to her outside. I told her everything and how I really, really appreciated the gesture, but I was already planning on asking my crush to prom and she was CRUSHED.
She started crying really loudly and asked me why I couldn’t of just said no and I said that I didn’t want to embarrass the two of us in front of all those people. At this point, one of her aids came out to check on us since she could hear the crying and the girl told her aid what happened and she straight up glared at me and said, “That’s not okay.”
Now I feel like absolute shit. AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) felt immense pressure and embarrassment when publicly asked to prom, leading him to accept the proposal against his true wishes to avoid a scene. Subsequently, when he tried to communicate his prior commitment and rejection privately, the girl was deeply hurt, and an aide publicly condemned his actions, leaving the OP feeling extremely guilty.
Was the OP justified in accepting a public promposal he did not want to avoid immediate embarrassment, or was his subsequent rejection of the girl, however well-intentioned, an unavoidable cause of significant emotional pain that he should have anticipated?
Here’s how people reacted:
EDIT: Okay y’all. You can stop now. I have no more faith in humanity left to destroy. Never sacrifice what you want even a little bit for others. Kindness is only tolerable when it’s completely convenient for you. There is never a scenario in which it’s okay to put the wants of others ahead of your own. Get yours, and never let helping others come before that.
You’ve taught me my lesson. I usually like to carry cash in case I run into a homeless person. That’s OVER. Why would I ease their day when I want a Starbucks? I *was* the kind of guy who always carried chocolate and listened to people’s problems because it made them feel better. For what? I paid for it – I’m eating it! And don’t bug me with your problems – no one wants to listen to you cry! I’m a teacher, and before today, I volunteered 40-60 hours a month with school extracurriculars. NO MORE. What was I thinking? Giving a crap about kids? That’s INSANE. (Ironically this means they’ll need to find a new prom chaperone. Hahaha – it’s the Saturday of a 3-day weekend. Good luck!)
I’m out. Gonna put this thread on mute so that I’m not disturbed during my video games. I was gonna put together a table my wife ordered – but why should I put it together? I have things that I want to do instead! She’s the one who ordered it in the first place. Yeah, she’s handicapped and probably no one else will do it for her, but she needs to learn to cope with rejection!
When I was 17, a boy got my number from my friend and asked if I wanted to hang out. I said “yeah, totally!” Thinking he meant like just hang out as friends. He didn’t, and told all his friends we were going out. People all day kept asking me if we were and I was so confused all day until finally a bunch of his friends and him all walked up to me and his friend asked if we were dating. I completely froze, and just blurted out “no!” Before I knew what to do and he literally ran away and never spoke to me again. We were both mortified and I must have embarrassed the shit out of him, (enough to never speak to me again). I don’t even remember his name now, but I think of this a lot over a decade later and still feel like such an asshole. But, we were young, and didn’t know how to communicate well.
I wish I had the tact that you have to say “yes” in the moment to not embarrass him, and then pull him aside. Honestly, that was a good move. You made a good decision here.
If you two have drifted as friends as well then I would understand that maybe this would be awkward on the actual night of the prom.
You’ve said you’re interested in another girl and I assume you would of reacted the same no matter who asked you if you weren’t interested.
I think you done the right thing to not say no in front of the whole class. Some people may see it as you giving her ‘false hope’ but you didn’t carry it on for an extended period of time, just until you could find her and explain.
Honestly I think having several people witness the rejection of the proposal would of been worse for both of you.
I hope you manage to overcome this and enjoy your prom!
You were put in a difficult situation and in that moment handled it the best way you knew how. I applaud you going to speak to her privately and letting her know immediately. It will be a difficult lesson to have learned, but she will be okay in the end.
You weren’t cruel to her. You handled it very well by what you wrote. It would have been far more awful to have gone when you really didn’t want to attend with her.
All I ever want for my daughter is to be treated just like everyone else and sometimes that means being disappointed when things don’t work out like you wanted. You did nothing wrong.
Some people hateeeee public displays like this and freeze up. You’re not an asshole for hating them, and you’re not an asshole for freezing and saying yes just to get the thing over with and to be nice. You tried to fix it quickly. As you get older, you’re going to be expected to say no in the moment. As it is, you’re a kid.
And she’s gotta learn to check in on this stuff? She’s not an asshole either.
The aide is a jerk though- there’s ways to comfort her that don’t involve being rude to you.
Hang in there
NTA, the girl tried to manipulate you into going out with her and possibly used her disability as leverage. She’s the asshole here for sure.
It is odd she asked you without talking much at all with you this school year… but still okay. Anyone making you feel bad about your decision is TA.
Hate to say that she is TA in this situation but those elaborate Promposals are not the right way to do it. Remember this in the future when you what to propose to your future wife. Don’t put someone on the spot like that in front of so many people. I hope your crush says yes.