Two years of relentless courage and heartbreak have forged a new reality: full legal custody and the closure of a painful chapter with Child Protective Services. Yet beneath the surface lies a deeper struggle—a fight to reclaim identity and hope, as they seek to change the boy’s name from a legacy marked by loss to one defined by the promise of a brighter future.
My husband and I took in his cousin Sue’s newborn due to her and her partner John’s addiction issues. It was a major life change for us, especially for me as I gave up my job and social life to care for the baby during COVID isolation.
This was supposed to be temporary while they went to rehab, but they never went nor complied with any safety plan set up by CPS. For two years, they have not seen or supported the baby in any way, and John’s family has also refused to abide by CPS recommendations.
Now, two years later, my husband and I have full legal custody, and CPS has closed the file. We have petitioned to change the baby’s name. At birth, John and Sue named him Steven to honor John’s brother who died of an overdose while partying with them when Sue was pregnant.
My husband and I have only ever called the baby Davey (his middle name) after Sue and my husband’s grandfather. We are changing his name from Steven David Jones to David Owen Smith.
Owen is after my father who adores him.
This is where I might be the asshole. My husband thinks I went too far, but I feel they pushed me to the end. John’s family found out and attacked my social media and messages, claiming I have no right to change the name because I am just a babysitter and not the real mother.
I was called a baby thief and received other vile accusations. I snapped and responded that MY son’s names will honor good men he can emulate, unlike their junkie relative who contributed nothing to life, whose only accomplishment was dying before going to prison.
Edit for clarity: I did not change the name alone. My husband was involved, as were our two daughters who helped name their baby brother. The name reflects our cohesion as a family; we are ALL Smiths.
Our girls suggested using the middle name to show he was adopted by the entire family.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) and her husband made a profound commitment by taking in their infant nephew due to the parents’ substance abuse issues, sacrificing personal freedom and careers. The central conflict arises from the decision to legally change the child’s name to honor positive figures in their family, which the biological parents and their relatives viewed as a final severing of ties, leading to severe verbal attacks against the OP.
Given the abandonment, lack of support, and the biological family’s toxic response, was the OP justified in her harsh rebuttal when defending her right to name the child she raises? Or did her severe response cross a line, regardless of the provocation?
Here’s how people reacted:
Like, your words were harsh, but you didnt lie, and you didnt say them out of the blue – they said disgusting things to you first. I think that makes you a justified asshole, which means you are N T A.
The baby hasnt ever gone by the name on paper, so changing his name legally makes total sense. Your kid is too young to choose their own name, so its not like you could ask the baby what it wants its name to be. And I sincerely doubt theyll be confused by it since youve never called him his legal name. As far as he can tell, his name will never change.
As an aside, sorry they said such things to you. You are not a baby thief or a glorified babysitter. You are a parent.
But ESH for the exchange you had with his family. They came after you in a very nasty way and they deserved to be put in place verbally. But I feel like you didn’t only knocked them out verbally, but kicked them to the ground and then beat them to a pulp with a metal baseball bat and then set them on fire – metaphorically speaking.
I understand why you did it. I understand why it was justified. But I also think it was too much and you could have navigated that situation more elegantly, i.e. by simply blocking them and not responding to their accusations instead of going down to their level and entertain that whole toxic conversation.
You disparaging the person who OD’d is bringing you down to their level and needlessly stirring up more drama. Understandable that what they said made you furious – but you aren’t entirely in the right. I would just block these people and try to move on with your life with your husband and son.
They’re speaking from a place of pain and shame. I’m glad the baby has you and your husband. But there is no need to speak like that of people suffering from addiction. They’re already as low as you can get, so there is no need to punch down like that. You know the truth of the situation. So do they. They just can’t admit it to themselves. Keep being a godsend to the little man, block the ones hellbent on rewriting the narrative, and enjoy your family.
Congrats on your little family and bless you for saving that baby
These people have pushed you and instigated you. Could you have ignored them or used kinder words? Sure. But should you have? I’m gonna go with no.
They needed a harsh dose of the truth. Block them on everything and keep David away from them.
If they don’t like it, they can get better and fight in the court.
If they cared more about the kid than their drugs, they could have named him whatever they wanted to and kept the name permanently.
You want to use the name change to hurt the babies bio parents, you said as much.
ETA: Also talking trash about a dead person is fucked up, especially if the person died of a tragic disease like addiction.