Now, as she pleads for help once more, tears staining her voice with desperation and accusation, he stands firm, torn between love and frustration. He sees not just her pain, but the pattern repeating, and wonders if hope alone is enough to mend a shattered future. In this quiet storm of distrust and longing, a father’s resolve clashes with a daughter’s dreams, each searching for a fragile peace that feels just out of reach.
My (M57) daughter (32) has been divorced thrice already. She got married at 25 to the love of her life. I have her $15,000 as help for the wedding. Marriage lasted 3 years.
She married the love of her life when she was 30. I have her $5,000 for a much smaller more intimate wedding. Marriage lasted one year.
She married the guy that got her pregnant while she was married to never two. They divorced before my grandson was one.
She has met the love of her life and need money for the wedding.
I said I would help her with the next one.
Now she is crying to he mother calling me an asshole for not believing in her future.
I have managed to stay married for 33 years. It’s not that difficult.
My wife wants me to make peace by giving her some money. But I think it’s a waste.
Your call. Am I the asshole for my bad attitude towards my daughter’s relationship?
EDIT: I am not trying to change anyone’s mind here. I feel that I insulted people when I said “It’s not that difficult” so I feel like I should explain what I meant. I met my wife when she was married to a guy I worked with.
He passed away in an industrial accident. I saw it happen. After the funeral we became friends. Three years later we realized we cared for each other so we started dating. We have had our ups and downs and we have gone for counseling when we went through a really rough patch.
We work hard at being there for each other. My wife is beautiful and probably had many opportunities to be unfaithful but chose to stay with me and work on our marriage. I saw all the young guys my age having fun and partying when I was using my wages to pay for my son’s medical bills and such.
I also chose to stay and work on my marriage. I don’t remember who said it but it applies in marriage as well. “In war everything is simple. But even the simplest things are difficult”.
Conclusion
The father stands firm in his decision to withhold financial support for his daughter’s fourth wedding, viewing his past contributions as failed investments and believing her repeated marital failures demonstrate a lack of commitment or understanding regarding long-term relationships. His wife, however, feels compelled to mediate, suggesting that providing a smaller amount of money would ease the tension, even if the father disagrees with his daughter’s choices.
Is the father justified in refusing financial aid based on his daughter’s past history of three failed marriages, or does his refusal constitute an unsupportive action that prioritizes his own financial judgment over his daughter’s present happiness and emotional needs?
Here’s how people reacted:
* Marriage 1: 15,000 = 5k/year \* 3 years
* Marriage 2: 5,000 = 5k/year \* 1 year
* Marriage 3: 0 = 5k/year \* 0 years
* Marriage 4: (Potential) Following that trend: 5k/year \* 30 years = 150,000
So – Clearly – You need to host a wedding with an elephant for 150k to give your daughter a lasting marriage! (Joking, if you couldn’t tell)
More seriously – You are under no obligation to fund another party for her. Save the money for your grandkid’s education… and/or for their therapy – or just to go on a vacation with the grandkids!
NTA
Can’t she just stop marrying them so that you can all spare money ? You offer some money if the relationship last more than 4 years (3 is the record right now, right ?), if she does marry before, she can pay for it herself.
NTA, the etiquette of parents paying for wedding were created before people could decide to marry 3 times in ten years. Don’t go bankrupt over this. Just let her know what you support her relationship if it makes her happy, but you gave enough for her weddings this far and your money isn’t unlimited.
You can give her nothing, you can give her the license fee as a wedding present, or you can let her know you’ll chip in for her 10 year anniversary party.
NTA. Thank me later.
Give her $500.00 towards the next divorce. Tell her it’s to stay ahead of the game.
NTA
$20k over three weddings is fine.
She can pay her own way now.