Her breaking point comes when she seeks a brief moment of respite, only to be met with resentment and blame from the one person who should be her partner. The weight of loneliness and unfair expectations crush her, revealing a painful truth about the imbalance and emotional neglect she endures.
I (24f) have 2 sets of twins first set are 5 years old boys and the second set are 3 year old girls.
My husband (27) always complains that the house isn’t up to his standards and that it’s a mess or that I sometimes put on frozen meals instead of cooking a fresh dinner.
It’s super irritating because I’m expected to do everything just because I work from home he thinks that I have it easier then job then his which is physical labor.
I can never do anything because when he has time off all he wants to do is sleep and says he needs it because he is exhausted from work or he wants to use his break to hang with his friends.
So basically all the chores are usually thrown on me and I had enough of it and it came to show when my friend called me to hang out and when I asked my husband to watch them so I can go he went into a rant about how he’s tired and been working all week and the least I could do is watch the children so that he could get some rest because I’m home all day with easy work.
So I decided after I put the children to sleep that night to leave a note saying that I’ll be out just leave and have a night out with the girls which ended up turning into a weekend out with the girls.
When morning time came he was calling and texting me nonstop and when I answered he was yelling at me and cursing me out when my friends overheard the conversation they were shocked and hanged up the phone for me and told me to mute it.
I didn’t have any plans to stay any longer then that night but when my friends overheard how my husband spoke to me they convinced me to stay and even told me they’d take me out to eat and planned a whole day for me.
When I got back the place was a complete and utter mess like pile full of dishes, garbage all over the place, floors were sticky, there was pee all over the toilet and the place just smelled awful.
My husband of course was angry and had a suitcase already packed he barely said 2 words to me and just left and texted me saying he’ll be staying at his moms.
Now I feel horrible because clearly he couldn’t handle taking care of the kids for this long by himself and I feel like an asshole and don’t want this to ruin my marriage.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) reached a breaking point due to feeling overwhelmed by sole responsibility for childcare and housework, leading her to leave for a spontaneous weekend trip. Her husband reacted with extreme anger and verbal abuse upon her return, ultimately choosing to leave the home due to the resulting mess and his inability to manage the household alone for that short period. The core conflict lies between the OP’s need for a break and acknowledgment of her labor, and the husband’s expectation of full domestic service combined with his refusal to share the load.
Was the OP justified in leaving abruptly to force her husband to recognize the reality of her daily workload, even if it resulted in marital distress, or did her actions represent an irresponsible abandonment of her duties, validating the husband’s reaction? This situation demands a review of equitable responsibility distribution versus impulsive conflict resolution.
Here’s how people reacted:
I left mine for 7 days for the same crap. I did it on purpose. He seemed to think I sat around the house watching Oprah and eating bon bons (his words).
I went on strike. I didn’t do a piece of his laundry. I didn’t serve him a meal. I didn’t buy a single thing for him to eat. I didn’t clean up any of his messes.
He tried to get the kids to do some of it for him but he was just play time dad to them and they pretty much laughed in his face and went off to play.
You needed the time away, I’m sure. But now you both need to talk about realistic expectations. Just because you work from home doesn’t mean you aren’t deserving of a break. Just because he works out of the house means his day is done when he gets home.
I’m still stunned by the level of disrespect thrown your way. I’m also trying to understand what you even like about your husband. The only thing he has going for him is that he’s employed. He doesn’t support you in any way. He doesn’t seem to be very pleasant to you when he is home – he complains, naps, and hangs out with his friends.
Aside from a couple of sperm donations, what are you getting out of this marriage?
Also, I would recommend not leaving your kids like that again. Your husband seems like the kind of DB that would use that against you if you were to divorce.
But honey RUIN THIS MARRIAGE.
You work full time, take care of 4 kids under 6, cook and keep.the house clean FULL TIME?
He expects to come home to a home cooked meal? Sleep when he’s home? _Hang out with his friends_.?
This is not a marriage, it’s a joke. He is providing you 0 support and then whining when asked to help at all, or when things aren’t perfect.
It doesn’t matter if your job is easier or not (it’s probably not easier just different) he’s not _entitled_ to mooch off of you.
Honey forget this. You can do it on your own.
IF you let him return, he needs to admit how hard you have to work to keep the home going AND while you are working full time as well.
He is going to have to start pitching in. Obviously, he couldn’t handle it alone. Why should you have to?
NTA
As for your marriage, I hope you can get counseling or find some other way to improve this dynamic because how he’s treating you isn’t okay. Best of luck OP
He’s already ruined the marriage. All your doing is hanging on to what you wanted a marriage to be.