As whispers of breach ripple through her family, the nanny finds herself caught between loyalty and doubt. Her father’s stoic silence and her sister’s sharp disdain paint a picture of hidden conflicts, while her mother’s casual dismissal only deepens the mystery. In this tangled web of secrets and lies, the nanny must navigate not just the demands of her secretive job, but the fractured trust within her own home.
I’m a nanny for a high profile family. I signed a very extensive and strict NDA. Anyone directly involved in my life, mom, sis, and husband, also signed an NDA. The nanny family recommended this, to talk about the job without getting into any legal trouble or putting them at risk.
Recently ran into one of my parents’ neighbors, Amber, at the park. Amber asked how the new job was going, then proceeded to ask specifics about how it must be working for a family where the parents are (insert their jobs here).
A direct violation of the NDA and something I could be fired and sued for.
My dad isn’t the sharing type, like at all, so I figured it was probably my mom. I asked her about it in a casual “Hey how’s Amber,” way. I said I ran into Amber at the park and that it was odd because she knew details about my job without me telling her.
My mom simply shrugged and said, “That’s funny. Maybe she googled? Or saw something on social media?”
My dad and sister absolutely hate Amber. They essentially said hell would have to freeze over before they spoke to her willingly. My dad ended our convo where I asked him about it by saying, “The only thing I know about her is that her son just made partner at a law firm in New York and is making bank and that’s only because mom saw it on instagram and told me about it.”
Right then, I knew my mom lied to me and it was her. She and Amber love to “one up” each other with their children’s success, and I also just landed a great new job. I asked my mom about it AGAIN and she told me that I was being dramatic, making stuff up, and that she would never do that to me.
My mom doesn’t text people, only DM’s on instagram. I know her password so logged in to check her messages. There was an extremely long DM to Amber where she shared their professions, children’s names, ages, private school, general locations of their homes, how they pay “really well”, etc.
Everything that we are legally NOT allowed to say, she said.
I called her immediately and said that I logged into her DM’s and saw the message she sent Amber that was a violation. She started screaming at me about how she is supposed to be able to trust her daughter, she can’t believe I hacked into her instagram, that mothers should be allowed to brag about their children, and then she hung up.
It has been a week without contact between the two of us. We used to speak every single day. I am starting to believe that maybe I’m the asshole here for violating her trust like that.
My husband says if anyone violated trust here it is her and that I gave her ample opportunity to tell the truth before I intervened and sought out the truth myself. He constantly reminds me that they could sue us into the ground, and fire me, for endangering my nanny family’s well being.
Because truthfully, Amber could easily be a psycho fan or sell the information to someone who is. So, AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is caught between upholding a strict legal agreement designed to protect their high-profile employers and maintaining a close, trusting relationship with their mother. The central conflict arises from the mother’s deliberate violation of the Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) by sharing sensitive job details, followed by lying when confronted, which then triggered the OP’s invasive action of checking her private messages. The OP is now emotionally distressed, questioning whether their need to verify the truth justifies violating their mother’s privacy.
Given the severe legal and professional jeopardy created by the mother’s breach versus the damage done to the parent-child relationship by the OP’s digital snooping, where does the primary responsibility for the breakdown of trust lie, and how should the OP prioritize the protection of their career over immediate familial reconciliation?
Here’s how people reacted:
I don’t think your mom gets how bad this. I sign NDAs all day every day for my what I do. I work in hollywood and it part of the job. Your mom doesn’t get that her violating this NDA is not just breaking your the trust with this family. It will ruin all potential job opportunities. It really will. The chance of you being able to find another job after word gets out you violated an NDA.. it won’t be easy. Not at all.
Also this is why my mom and I don’t talk about my work at all. Luckily I love 3k miles away so that helps.
I seriously hope you have a record of your mom’s DM, because you’re going to need it. If not, get that screenshot or record ASAP. Then strict no contact with Mom.
Get a lawyer, and ask their advice before doing ANYTHING or telling anyone else. Honestly, probably should delete this post too.
Signed, someone whose family has had our fair share of accidental legal problems
Edit: forgot a word
she legally broke a very binding and dangerous contract. She is putting that family and most importantly those children in danger
Worse is you dont know how amber will use that info. Your family already hates her and sees her as toxic.
Whats scary is having tk possibly tell your employer
You ~~might wanna~~ absolutely should get a lawyer. Holy shit your mom has put you in an impossible situation.