Caught between love and doubt, she wrestles with the fear that the truth might unravel everything she holds dear. Despite her loyalty and good behavior, the looming test threatens to turn her father’s love into distance, forcing her to confront a future where the ties of blood might not be enough to keep them together.
My dad wants to get a paternity test cos hes recently gotten convinced I’m not his real daughter. My mum ran away to another country with some guy when I was 8 years old and lately my dad’s gotten really sure she was cheating on him long before that and I’m actually someone else’s baby.
He keeps talking about how paternity fraud is a big issue and he needs a paternity test to be sure he’s not getting suckered into raising another man’s kid.
I don’t know why this is only coming up now, and honestly it really hurts my feelings that hes like “I don’t think you’re *really* my kid”. I’m biased obviously but I don’t think I’m a difficult kid, I get good grades, I don’t drink or do drugs or smoke, I don’t talk back, I do my chores.
So why does it feel like he’s so desperate for me to not be his? Does he hate being my dad that much?
Even though I’m pretty sure I am his real daughter, because we look pretty similar, I’m kinda scared of what might happen if we find out I’m not. Like, would he stop caring about me?
Would he kick me out? I have nowhere to go. So even though he’s fully set on getting a test, I’m refusing, and he’s mad about it. I even told him I would consider doing it when I’m 18 (I’m 16 now, it’s not that long to wait) but apparently he needs it *right now*.
AITA for refusing?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing deep emotional distress as their father demands a paternity test based on long-held suspicions related to the mother’s past infidelity. The central conflict lies between the father’s urgent need for absolute biological certainty and the OP’s defensive refusal, rooted in fear of abandonment and hurt over the implication that their inherent value as a daughter is conditional on genetics.
Is the 16-year-old justified in refusing the immediate paternity test to protect their current relationship and emotional stability, or does the father have a right to demand biological confirmation now to resolve years of doubt, even if it causes immediate harm to his daughter?
Here’s how people reacted:
You’re not wrong and your feelings of being hurt and sad are completely valid. However, I don’t think it’s unfair of him to want this. I know plenty of comments are saying that biology doesn’t matter but your dad has already suffered a tremendous betrayal from your mom (no, you shouldn’t be punished for it) but I can’t imagine trying to cope with that and just not knowing. It sounds like the not knowing has gotten to him and he isn’t thinking rationally but is being fueled by pain and anger.
Even if you two were very close, and not difficult, and get good grades etc, that doesn’t take away his sincere desire to know the truth. I know it’s hurtful and that for many biology doesn’t make people family, but this sounds like it’s eating your dad up just not knowing.
It’s sad to say, but I fully believe your dad will throw you out if the paternity proves he is not your dad.
I’d say sit down with him and talk about how it makes you feel that he is pushing for a paternity test.
ETA: Since apparently a lot of yall on this post is like “But dad deserves to know!” No. Fuck that noise. Dad had his chance 8 years ago to test for paternity, when he had reason to believe OP might not be his. He decided not to and continued raising her as his child, be she his child or not. The boat for this has long set sail. You wouldn’t adopt a child, raise them for 16 years and then one day go “Nah, this isn’t biologically mine so I don’t want it anymore”, so why is it okay in this scenario?
If he isn’t your Dad and TRIES to treat you bad as a result register with AncestryDNA to try to find your bio relatives and hope they are better.
Sorry for your situation. We can’t pick our parents.
It’s toxic behavior and you shouldn’t entertain your father’s delusion. He needs to seek help and get closure from the trauma your mom caused whether he does it himself or at least get a “leave me alone” if he can find your mom. He’s left this door open too long and needs to move on.
Ask him why he wants to punish you when it’s your mom he’s angry with. Ask him how he’s going to repair this when the test says you are his bio-child because this kind of hurt isn’t going to disappear with the test result.
I’m sorry this is happening to you at such a young age.
Waiting until you’re 18 seems like a solid idea, especially since even if it’s determined he isn’t the father at this point, it’d be a legal pain in the ass for him to get that changed at your current age.
Sorry to inform you that your father is not your father because he’s not acting like a father. Not even close.
Is your mother in the picture at all? Do you have a decent relationship with her? What about other family? If you can, I would consider moving out—period.
Not sure that you can prevent him from getting the test, but you don’t have to participate in it, which may have the same effect. Don’t be pressured into giving samples or signing anything.
YTA
Your father is TA for putting this stress on you. Paternity fraud is nowhere near as common as some people would like us to believe.
Definitely wait until you’re 18.
Your dad is clearly going through something, and after this long it shouldn’t matter if you’re biological or not.