In a swift, controlling act, he takes away her keyboard—the symbol of her dreams and solace—turning it into a battleground of blame and misunderstanding. This moment reveals the deep emotional rift between them, where love, duty, and personal fulfillment collide in a struggle for respect and recognition.
Last night I f34 was on my computer when my husband came home from work, he seemed a bit annoyed when he saw me and asked if I cooked dinner (I’m the sahp with 2 kids, one of them is 9 months old and my husband is the sole income earner) I said not yet and he got mad at me for not doing it earlier and spending so much time on the keyboard (I write novels as a hobby) but I told him I just sat down after finishing the chores and the kids mess.
We argued for a few minutes then I told him I’d finish this part real quick then go to the kitchen to make dinner.
Almost 2 minutes went by and my husband barged into the room, removed the keyboard and took it to hide it. I asked why he was doing this and he said that he had to because I made him do it when I kept “stalling” to make dinner.
I told him to give it back but he said that it has become a distraction at this point and I’ve become neglectful of my duties because of it. He said from now on out he’ll keep it hidden then give it back when I’m done with everything.
I called him ridiculous and said that I only asked for few minutes to cook dinner. He said fine he’ll give it back after I prepare dinner but I decided to back out of cooking which caused a screaming match between us.
I told him he could go cook if he was so hungry but I won’t cook after he hid my keyboard. He yelled saying he’s the sole income earner and I wasn’t holding my part of the deal of taking care of the house and kids then stormed off.
He went to bed without eating and in the morning we fought again, he said I was wrong to back out of cooking and wrong for letting a hobby get in the way of doing my part of parenting and housekeeping.
I said he shouldn’t have hid my keyboard but he said it’s the reason we’re having a problem and he couldn’t believe it was his last resort to hide it to get me to focus on more important stuff.
he left for work and came back hours ago refusing to speak to me.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels frustrated because her husband took away her hobby equipment as a punitive measure after a disagreement about household duties and time management. The central conflict lies between the OP’s need for personal time and the husband’s expectation that her role as a stay-at-home parent should prioritize domestic tasks immediately upon his return, leading to an extreme action (hiding the keyboard) by him.
When personal boundaries are violated through unilateral actions like confiscating property, is the resulting refusal to perform duties a justified defense of autonomy, or does it escalate the conflict beyond reasonable limits? Is the husband’s action of hiding the keyboard an understandable reaction to perceived neglect, or an unacceptable overreach of control?
Here’s how people reacted:
How often are you late cooking dinner, and how much late? You mentioned in another comment that this happened at 7 PM – if you had made zero progress with dinner by then, then it could have been another hour or so before it was ready, which is pretty late.
Are you ever late in anything else? Are chores regularly done on time, do huge messes pile up on your schedule? Beyond what’s normal with two little kids, because of course they will mess things up.
Is this the first time your hobby in particular interfered with these duties? This is important because it would mean the difference between your husband targeting your keyboard just this once because it was a convenient way to hurt you, or if this object has become a constant source of frustration.
What I’m saying is, from your post it would not be clear if this is in fact abusive and controlling behavior – or justified frustration at a perceived lack of partnership, at you not doing enough for the household.
As other posters have pointed out, if the genders were reversed and this was a woman taking away a gaming console from her husband, the sub would be in overwhelming favor of the woman – and in fact it’s already happened – so think about that before downvoting.
Because that’s your job.
Your job does not include cooking, cleaning, laundry, or any of the other shit he spewed. You are not an indentured servant, and he is not your boss. He works 8 hours a day, you work wake up to bed time.
I’d cut the crotches out of his pants. But I’m petty.
NTA.
ETA: I just want to clarify – a stay at home parent’s job in my opinion, is to be a parent. I believe that cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. are responsibilities to be shared by all capable hands in the house. Obviously the parent at home will handle the bulk of this stuff most days, but that does not make them the only adult/person in the home to do it on the days the other is working, meaning…if dinner isn’t ready and you just got home from work and have 2 working hands and are hungry, get dinner started for yourself. That doesn’t mean that because you’re home from work and it’s not ready, your SO should stop what they’re doing and continue their “work day” while you sit on your ass and watch them do stuff for you just because you leave the home to work 4-5 days a week.
If your husband doesn’t meet deadlines at work, there are consequences. Being a SAHP and whatever terms of this role you agreed to, is your job. I’m not saying his actions are justified but his frustrations and expectations are.
If you need time for yourself, you should discuss when he will need to fend for himself and what to reasonably expect. Clearly a lack of communication.
Edit: I really hope you look over what this man provides to you besides income. He clearly does not take your contributions to the family and home seriously.
Also, this behavior is incredibly controlling. **You are allowed to do things other than parent, clean, and cook when you are the SAHP.** Your ‘duties’ were done, it wasn’t 9 o’clock at night (I’m assuming) and y’all weren’t starving. You did not ‘force’ his hand, he is completely responsible for acting like a giant dick. Has he ever acted like this before? Because this is just alarming behavior.
Edit: So seems I should have made a judgement so NTA.
Edit: Can I say thank you to everyone for all the awards, seems my say thank you button isn’t working right now.
“Neglecting your duties . . .”? WTF???? I guess there will be another ‘duty’ that you should neglect for quite awhile because who would want to have sex with that asshole?
He sees you as the wife appliance, to be used for his convenience only. Ugh.
From your description it seems like he’s the AH but if he got home at 7 and dinner usually is an hour, than that may change if it’s frequent.
I feel like you’re going to get a lot of n t a that would have gone the other way if it was dad playing video games instead of mom writing a novel.
He said, “you made him do it”. That concerns me. Abusers say that frequently. He put all of this on you and wouldn’t accept that he had any part in the issues. Maybe I am over reacting, but that is a scary warning sign to me.