The dream of moving to New York was once a distant whisper shared in secret with a friend, a fragile hope in the midst of uncertainty. But when the possibility of an affordable apartment and a job interview became real, so did the courage to break free. Now, faced with telling her family she’s finally leaving, she carries the weight of unspoken dreams and the silent hope that this leap will lead her to the life she’s always imagined.
I’m the fourth oldest of ten kids. My mom is currently pregnant with her eleventh. Ever since I was twelve I wanted to move out. I’ve been saving up money and I’m now 21 and have saved seven thousand dollars.
My mom knows I work full time but I lied and told her it was unpaid internship otherwise she would have made me give her the money. Her boyfriends literally don’t have money so she has been my siblings and I’s checks since forever.
I’m sick of living in this house with so many people, there’s nothing more I want than to move away and live by myself finally.
My friend and I always talked about moving to New York and her uncle is a super who offered us an apartment at a really good rate. Once I secured a job interview, I knew it was time to tell my mom I was moving out.
Despite having four older siblings, none of them have moved out. She was extremely upset and asked how I had the money to move to New York. I admitted to saving money and that’s when she lost her shit.
She started screaming up how I know she’s struggling to pay rent and pay for her baby’s formula and diapers and one of her twin toddlers had to have surgery two years ago and I didn’t offer a dime and they’re my siblings.
Two weeks before my flight, my mom fainted at her job and was hospitalized. They said that the pregnancy was too high risk and advised her to abort otherwise the baby could cost her life.
She refused to abort. She was in the hospital on bed rest and she called me begging to send her some of the money, not even all, to pay for a special procedure to help her baby. I literally can’t afford to waste a dime, my money isn’t gonna last long even with a job lined up.
I told her I couldn’t. She went off calling me an asshole saying moving isn’t as important as her and her babies life. All of my siblings are saying I’m evil and that I can wait to move later.
I offered 500$ and she hung up. I don’t know if I’m wrong or not.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is experiencing intense conflict between their deeply held need for independence and self-preservation, demonstrated by years of saving and planning to move out, and the intense emotional demands and financial expectations placed upon them by their mother and siblings. The mother frames the OP’s planned departure as a selfish act, especially given the current high-risk pregnancy and hospitalization, creating a severe moral dilemma for the OP.
Given the OP’s long-term commitment to self-sufficiency versus the immediate, life-threatening needs presented by the mother, is the OP morally obligated to sacrifice their secured future plans and savings to provide immediate financial relief, or is prioritizing their established plan for personal autonomy the correct course of action in this high-pressure, multigenerational dependency situation?
Here’s how people reacted:
Give her the money and she doesn’t die with this one, it’s the next one. She is massively irresponsible both with her life and her children’s lives. (And ngl, from what I know of American healthcare, your 7k wouldn’t cover her ears getting pierced, never mind an operation.)
There are 3 siblings older than you right? Then they can give her their paychecks.
OP, save yourself.
(edit b/c i put a sentence in the wrong place)
If you hadn’t told your mom you had money, she wouldn’t be asking for it.
Hospital’s can’t refuse emergency/life saving care. The doctor made a recommendation but she decided against it. They will send her a bill.
You should leave and go NC for a little while. It seems your mom has manipulated all of your siblings. especially the ones older than you who remain.
Go live your best life, you will be an inspiration to the younger ones at the very least (whom will also dream of escaping).
Edited to say Thank You for the award and the upvotes.
> saying she’s been getting pregnant since she was fourteen, it wasn’t gonna kill her now.
Still has the emotional intelligence of a child then
And the amount she is asking for is less than 7k but would save a baby the doctors want aborted? That doesn’t make any sense at all. And she claims she doesn’t get medical support but by what others have said she must do….and if she doesn’t, how was she planning on paying for the birth of this baby?
Op you are NTA. Run away and don’t look back.
Your Mom will suck you dry if you let her, as you well know. It is NOT a child’s job to support their parent’s poor decisions.
Good luck on your move, and you are right that $7K won’t last long in a move to NY.
The income limits for a family of so many is $1,000s a month.
Get on the plane!
Edit…not sure of why I got downvotes. If it is because I said. Everyone has medical. Sorry my fingers outraced my knowing the fact that every family of 11,12,13 has medical coverage via Medicaid.
She is choosing to put herself at risk. It isn’t your responsibility to bail someone out who intentionally puts themselves in harm’s way.
And assuming it’s the US it’s not like a doctor or hospital is going to refuse her service if she has a medical emergency, even if she can’t pay and doesn’t have insurance.
Really and truly, best of luck in your new and exciting future xxx
If you don’t do get out now, after preparing, there’s a strong chance you never will. And you will regret that for decades.