In the quiet hours of the night, the tension between them reaches a breaking point. His persistent insistence that she smile during the hardest moments feels like a dismissal of her reality, igniting a fierce resolve within her. This clash of perspectives over something as simple as a facial expression becomes a powerful symbol of the unseen emotional labor she carries alone.
My husband M27 and I f25 have a 2 months old together. He does everything almost except changing diapers. He’s a hardcore germaphobe so I handle the dirty part of our son’s care.
So my husband’s been pestering me about the faces I make when changing our son’s diapers. Telling me to smile all the time. I told him to leave me alone, it’s easy for him to say when he’s not the one dealing with the smell and…
gahd!!!
But every time when I’m in the middle of changing dispers. My husband would show up out of nowhere like he busted me or something and tell me that the faces I keep making have an “impact” on our son’s emotional state and should smile.
He’d motion with his hand and be like smiiiiiiiile. I told him to leave me alone, he knows how difficult this is for me but does nothing to help. Instead just mocks me and keeps pestering me.
I said if he ever try to hassle me again with the “just smiiile” bullcrap then he’ll start handling diaper change.
Last night at around 9. He was in the kitchen already eating dinner without me and not waiting while I was getting ready to change my son’s diaper. He came into the room with his mouth full of food and once again commented on how my face looked eeminded me to smile and “show love” and stop causing harm to our son’s emotional health.
I snapped!!!! I walked up to him and told him that he ran out of chance to stop his annoying behavior and he should start handling diaper change from now on and we’ll see how big his smile will be.
His tone changed and he said that we both agreed that I’d be handling diaper change even before our son was born and that I already know too well what the reason is. He’s germaphope, yes.
But he’s also a PARENT. what type of parent never changes their baby’s diaper? I handed him the stuff and asked him to enjoy while I kept standing to watch how he do it. It took him forever and as I expected he made all types of disgusted, grossed out faces and for a minute I thought he was going to throw up.
He was finished. I said he lost the smiling contest with those faces he made. He was pissed and rushed to wash his hands complaining about how I’m trying to get him to do everything.
And that I ruined his appetite by having him experience “that”. I replied that he still ain’t seen nothing yet and asked since he wants us to have 4 kids how he will be handling the other 3.
He said he changed his mind and only wants 2. But still my point stands. He tried to argue that I’m not taking his germaphopia seriously and what I forced him to do wasn’t cool. He’s been upset since then.
AITA?!?!
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is dealing with significant frustration because her husband, despite his germaphobia preventing him from handling diaper changes, insists on criticizing her facial expressions during this necessary chore. The central conflict arises from the husband’s inconsistent parenting demands—expecting cheerful emotional labor from the OP while refusing to share in the unpleasant physical labor, leading to a confrontation where the OP enforced an immediate temporary exchange of duties.
Was the OP justified in forcing her germaphobic husband to change the baby’s diaper immediately to demonstrate the difficulty of the task, or did this aggressive action breach their prior agreement and disrespect his genuine phobia? The core question is whether shared parenting responsibilities must supersede individual aversion, even when an explicit division of labor was previously agreed upon.
Here’s how people reacted:
He’s a parent. He is going to have to learn to deal.
I have five kids. We cloth diapered, and my husband changed just as many diapers and washed just as many diapers as me.
Taunting you? That’s extremely immature, callous, and arrogant behavior. Nobody is harming a 2 month old who can barely register a face by making a face when cleaning up feces.
Kids throw up. Are you supposed to be the sole vomit cleaner, too?
What about when they come inside gleefully grasping a dead lizard?
Or when the baby has a diaper explosion and there’s poop everywhere? Are you on your own with that?
You need to keep that foot that you’ve stomped down firmly planted to the ground.
Your husband is a grown-ass man, and being a germaphobe is something he needs to grow up and get over.
And whatever you do, do not have another kid with him if he’s not pulling equal weight on both the literal and figurative shitty parts.
First, kids – among all their good traits – are also gross. If he can’t handle changing a diaper, that’s a huge hinderance on him as a parent. He can literally never watch his own child for any extended period of time because otherwise the child ends up sat in their own filth. He should have sought therapy before having a child and you should not have had a child with him.
Secondly, your husband sounds like one of those sexist catcallers with this “smile” business. I hope he has a laundry list of redeeming traits you left out of this post because right now he doesn’t seem like husband or father material.
I feel like he absolutly did this as a “ha ha you have to do tvis and I don’t.”
Eating without you? Doing it all? What? I didn’t realise that you could chose and pick when to be a hudband and parent and when to be single or even a child.
You ruined his apetit? Why did he come to watch you change a diaper?
And every germaphobe I met wouldn’t be in a room while a diaper is being changed out of fun. I know phobias are different with everyone but I even know a germophobe mother and while she did change diapers- it needs to be done- she still wouldn’t walk into a room like that unnessary.
Your husband needs to stop being a child and change the baby’s diaper.
NTA. Obviously
ETA- just wait until your baby starts eating solids. That’s when the REAL fun begins 🤣
And why is he stacking all of the emotional labor on you by making you smile? That’s not fair.
Your husband has A LOT of growing up to do.
He needs therapy so he can perform his responsibility as a parent.