Amid the tender chaos of toddlers and newborn dreams, the dog—a symbol of companionship and hope—becomes a source of tension rather than comfort. The wife’s fears of being overwhelmed by the demands of motherhood and pet care reveal a raw, emotional crossroads where love, duty, and exhaustion collide. It is a poignant reminder of how the bonds we cherish can sometimes unravel when life’s pressures weigh heaviest.
My wife and I have been married for three years. Having grown up with dogs all her life, she insisted we get a puppy once we were married. We both work from home so there is always someone in the house with her.
I’d never have a dog before, but could see this was important to her so said yes and got us a pup.
My wife never really bonded with the dog as I did, and I’m the dogs favourite. I do the majority of walks, training, and playing with the dog. I think she expected a puppy to act like a full grown dog and not need direction and training.
We live near my in laws, and they have asked to have the dog stay over quite often as theirs recently died and they were missing having a pet around. The dog gets on well with them so I allowed it.
There didn’t seem to be any issues with this.
We now have a 2 year old child, and my wife is pregnant with another baby. She has recently said she feels like she would be overwhelmed being on maternity (for 15 months) with a toddler, baby, and dog to look after and wants her parents to take the dog permanently.
They have joked about doing so ever since we got the dog, and I’ve always been clear they could only take if I died. I do occasionally travel for work, maybe I’m away five days a month, so could see how it may be difficult on those days I’m not around.
But otherwise I feel like it was her decision to get a dog, and it’s not a decision you can lightly go back on, even if it would be staying in the wider family. I would miss having the dog around, but my wife thinks I’m being unfair to her, and to the children and dog.
she feels she wouldn’t be able to give any of them the attention they deserve if she had to manage them all, when the in laws are ready and willing to take the dog. Ultimately I think she regrets getting the dog and doesn’t want to have to put up with the additional cleaning and responsibility that comes with one, particularly when she has what she sees as a win win in terms of still seeing the dog several times a week through the in laws but having no other responsibilities.
I work five days a week, my wife works two. My child is in nursery 2 days a week, with my wife one day a week, and with my parents two day a week. I then have her on Saturdays and we do family activities on Sundays.
We have a fairly even chore split. I handle our land, cooking, ironing and vaccum cleaning. She handles polishing, laundry, and bathroom/kitchen cleaning.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing a significant conflict regarding the future of the family dog, a commitment he views as permanent, while his wife is seeking to permanently rehome the animal due to overwhelming future responsibilities involving a toddler and a new baby.
The core debate centers on whether the wife’s perceived need to reduce stress and manage new family demands justifies breaking the initial agreement to keep the dog, or if the OP’s commitment to the pet, which he primarily cares for, should take precedence despite the changing family dynamics.
Here’s how people reacted:
Your wife isn’t trying to drop the dog off to the pound. She is tired and is finding the idea of a new baby, a toddler, and a dog to be overwhelming and here is what she sees as a perfect solution. (And it is a good solution for all reasons except that you want to keep the dog)
What I think is your best option is to help out more with the toddler and dog. She is pregnant right now and tired all the time, and you know you two will just be more tired with the newborn. Take ask much of the burden as you can now and wait her out. You probably will neglect some tasks and chores while the new baby is young, but as they get older the attention load will lessen and it sounds like you’ll have a picturesque family.
Also, let her know all the great things about dogs. People live longer, babies get better long term immunity and digestion when exposed to a dog, socializing and empathizing is easy for children with animals, etc.
Edit: I’ve seen a lot of ‘5 days isn’t a lot’ and I just want to say, it is absolutely a lot of days to take care of a toddler, infant, and dog solo. That’s freaking ridiculous that people would think that it is an easy task. It’s not. Five days is a lot, and you shouldn’t try and minimize that. One day alone is a lot. Your wife would get nearly ZERO consistent sleep when a newborn and toddler (not even including the dog). These people posting must not have children if they think it’s no big deal.
I’m not saying you should get rid of the dog, but you should at least have a conversation and try to hear her side and understand it so you can reach some sort of compromise. You shouldn’t listen to the typical person on Reddit telling you that your wife is evil and you should divorce her for ever giving up on a dog.
I like the idea of having the in-laws watch the dog when you’re away. Maybe you can start from there.
I know Reddit loves to get riled up about dogs and rehoming them, but sometimes it is the best thing for the dog to be in a place where it is truly wanted. It is just a pet at the end, one you can love very much, but it is not comparable to a spouse or human child, ever.
If your wife is having issues, talk to her some more about where her head is at. Pregnancy may be exacerbating the problem too and if you browse the pregnancy subs you’ll see many frustrated pregnant women suddenly unable to stand their dogs — it mostly goes away from what I’ve seen. But sometimes doesn’t and your wife takes preference in the end even if she’s the one who instigated getting the dog in the first place.
NAH as long as you listen to each other and respect each others’ feelings.
Think of it this way: do you really want the dog to live with someone who doesn’t like it and only barely tolerates it? You said you live close to your in-laws, so if they like the dog and would take it in, then that *is* a win-win for everyone.
If you only travel 5 days a month, that is a very small window of time she has the dog and the kids. I swear the dog will be fine with less attention those days. Maybe the days you have travelling, is when the pup could spend the night with the in laws? That way she isn’t overwhelmed and she can’t say you left her with extra responsibility. It sounds like she might be a wee bit jealous the dog didn’t bond with her as much as it did with you. That happened with my parents, and my mom kind of resented the dog.
Look, I get where you’re coming from. But she isn’t suggesting you post the doc for rehoming; she’s asking that her family take the dog.
You travel for work. The chaos of the home falls on her. 2 kids under 3. Heck.
Compromise. Dog stays at your in laws but visits regularly.
Don’t pull the “you asked for this dog” when it’s not like she’s trying to be an irresponsible pet owner. Again, she isn’t doing a random rehome or shelter surrender here.
Also, it sounds like she’s worried about being alone when the baby comes, was there anything that happened during/ after the first pregnancy that might be causing her anxiety?
Of course your not an a-hole for wanting to keep the dog.
But I’m not sure she is either based on the fact it seems to be only the parents she’s wanting to give it to. ie, she knows they are suitable and can still check on the dog. Her reasons are justified also.
Perhaps a hard and difficult conversation is due