But when the truth unraveled after the trip, his quiet sacrifice met unexpected resistance — the luxury of support was stripped away, leaving only the harsh reality of financial strain and unspoken debts. In that moment, their journey became more than a trip; it became a test of loyalty, trust, and the true cost of standing by someone you love.
My fiancé had a work trip planned to attend a conference. I decided to tag along because it was a city that I had never been to before. She informed me that her work would reimburse her after the trip once she submitted an expense report.
Her credit card was completely maxed out and didn’t have enough money to cover any of the costs so I offered to help pay since she was going to be reimbursed.
So I ended up covering 4 nights in the hotel that her conference was located in ($800), her plane ticket ($450), my plane ticket ($350), and the rental car ($400). I knew from the start that I would have to cover my ticket since I was just tagging along and I was fine with that.
So in total for travel I spent right around $2000 on my credit card.
After the trip I helped her submit the expense report, and at that time she told me that her work would not cover the rental car, and would only cover the Ubers to and from the airport since the conference was at the hotel and all of the breakfasts/lunch/dinners were catered.
I was bummed about hearing that because I was out another $400, for a total of $750 for the trip and that was a lot more than I was planning on spending. We submitted the expense report for a total of $1250, she said she would pay me back once she received the money, I said that was fine and submitted a Zelle request.
Fast forward two weeks the Zelle request expired, I asked her about the money and she said they still hadn’t paid out the expense report, I figured whatever and submitted another request.
Two more weeks went by and still she had not received the expense report, I told her to ask and she let me know that they would pay out on her next paycheck that was 2 weeks away, I submitted another Zelle request.
On her payday (yesterday) we went out for drinks and I asked her about it again. She admitted that she had received the money a few weeks back, and had already spent it on “us”. I got upset because she had promised me that money, and I told her it wasn’t for her to decide how to spend my money, money that wasn’t hers.
She got defensive and said that it wasn’t my money, and that they had paid it into her account. Obviously I got furious and said some things that I probably shouldn’t have, and she finally sent me $800, which was the rest of her paycheck for the next two weeks.
Honestly I don’t want her paycheck, I want the expense report money, I want the money that she promised to repay me and didn’t. I feel lied to and cheated on in a way and now she is pissed because she doesn’t have any money.
Also if she gives me her whole paycheck then I am going to have to cover all of her expenses anyways so it doesn’t make sense, and will just create more resentment over the next 2-4 weeks..
She is mad at me, but she still hasn’t apologized, or even recognized any wrong doings because she feels like the money her work gave her is hers, and it’s fine because she spent it on “us”.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) financed a significant portion of a joint trip, expecting reimbursement money from the fiancé to be used to pay back the OP’s loan. The central conflict arose when the fiancé received the reimbursement funds, claimed ownership of the money because it was deposited into her account, and spent it on shared expenses without repaying the OP as promised, leading to feelings of being lied to and betrayed.
Is the fiancé justified in using funds explicitly promised for debt repayment on other shared expenditures because the money was deposited into her account, or does the OP have a right to expect immediate repayment of the $1250 loan based on the prior agreement and the fiancé’s responsibility for the incurred debt?
Here’s how people reacted:
What would the consequences of not going have been and would her company pay for the expenses in advance or…?
She was fully aware of which expenses would be reimbursed and chose not to tell you beforehand.
That money was not ever hers to keep. She tried to defraud you, lie and break your trust for $800?! Then she doubled down by saying : “She got defensive and said that it wasn’t my money, and that they had paid it into her account.” The money was paid into her account because she didn’t put your account info – which she could’ve done and this would have never been an issue.
She is a liar and a thief. Now you know how little you actually mean to her, since she did this as a cover to steal $800.
This is not a good foundation for a relationship, most certainly not for a marriage.
NTA
She doesn’t deserve to have you cover her bills – let alone, deserve to be in a relationship or marriage with you. And, she owes you full repayment. Without major counseling and financial counseling and admittance of responsibility on her part, you should walk away. Don’t get yourself into this financial mess or this lack-of-character mess. How could you ever trust her as your wife?
I’ve read your post and some of your comments. I’m intrigued.
You pay the mortgage, car payments, car insurance, groceries. Basically everything. So ask her how she has spent the $1250 in the space of 2 weeks on things for both of you? What things? Because if she was spending $1250 over the space of a fortnight on things for BOTH of you, you would have noticed. And you didn’t.
She’s the one who said that the money was spent on both of you so she can’t argue if you ask her for details or receipts.
She’s a liar and a thief, who is bad at both.
She doesn’t respect you, she lies to your face and isn’t even ashamed of that fact.
DO YOU have any self respect or forethought?
THIS IS YOUR LIFE if you stay with her.
2K is probably a reasonable price to pay to get out of that relationship and saving you from 35+ years of misery.
USE that money wisely and GTFO.
if you are ok with this and you are staying but just complaining, YTA.
If you are not ok with this and are staying anyway and also complaining, YTA
If you are not ok with this and trying to work it out, NTA and also go to an advice sub or something.
If you are ok with this and just going for a chuckle, have a beer
It’s not just about the money. It’s about trust and respect. She misled you and spent the money without telling you, and is now acting as if you’re unreasonable for wanting what you’re owed. That’s a serious breach of trust.
Take this as a learning opportunity, you cannot marry this person until you fully know their financial situation. As once you are married, their debt is your debt. This behavior will repeat again and again over time if they do not get a true grasp on their finances now.
NTA but I wouldn’t marry her.
This is a huge red flag. Run away. Financial abuse is emotional abuse by another name. She’s just auditioned to be your ex fiancé and passed that test.
So she’s untrustworthy AND dumb. This is the end my friend.
She literally stole and lied to you. Do not marry her
Good luck to you
She can’t be trusted man.