AITA for forcing my diet on my boyfriend?

She arrived in the United States nearly two years ago, hopeful for a new chapter, only to find herself trapped in a relentless battle against her own body. What should have been nourishing meals became sources of torment, leaving her weak, frightened, and isolated as food transformed from comfort to curse.

Haunted by confusion and fear, she sought answers from countless doctors, only to be met with silence and disbelief. When no physical illness was found, the weight of uncertainty pressed down even harder, until a dietitian’s insight offered a fragile thread of hope amidst the turmoil—her body, unaccustomed to this new world’s flavors, was crying out in its own painful language.

AITA for forcing my diet on my boyfriend?

I’m from France originally, and I moved to the states almost 2 years ago. Now for some reason, the food here makes me sick. Not in an “Ew, that’s gross.” Kind of way. But actually physically sick.

My body seems to struggle to digest it. Whether it’s take out or fancy restaurant food. Either I can’t go to the bathroom for days, or I’m violently vomiting. I tried dealing with it for months and months, but I started losing weight very quickly because I couldn’t eat.

I ended up developing a serious aversion to food, and my family recommended I go and speak to a specialist.

I had never had a problem back home, and I was terrified I was seriously ill. So I went to multiple doctors where I was poked and prodded and I had multiple tests done. They have all said nothing is wrong with me physically.

I spoke to a dietitian and he explained that my body is probably not used to the amount of salt and preservatives that is found in the food in the states. (Please don’t think I’m bashing the US!

I love it here and it’s a great country.) My dietician recommended fresh and organic produce to see how my body coped, and to my delight, I improved.

I stopped vomiting and I was able to start slowly putting weight back on. I started making meals from scratch and meal prepping to save time throughout the week. My dad is actually a chef back home, so he was more than happy to send me some recipes to keep my diet interesting.

I made a delicious vegetarian lasagna from scratch, and put it in the oven to cook. My boyfriend (American) came home after work and asked what was for dinner. I said I was making a veggie lasagna.

He rolled his eyes and said he was sick of “that organic crap” and wanted a cheeseburger. The comment hurt. I made a real effort at meal times to keep it varied so we’re not always eating the same thing.

I said I couldn’t make one because I didn’t even have any burger buns. He said it was unfair to “make” him eat my diet. I had never realized he was opposed to it. He benefited from home cooked meals and I had seen that his clothes were fitting him better.

He had more energy and he didn’t sleep so much on the weekends. I apologized and said I didn’t mean to make him feel forced. AITA for forcing my diet on him?

Here’s how people reacted:

Dramatic_Tale_6290

NTA. You cannot force another human to eat something they don’t want to eat unless you tie them up, crank open their mouth and shove in the food. He was being very rude. If he wants a cheeseburger, he can cook it himself. You clearly have food sensitivities, so you have to eat a certain way. He does not, and he is free to cook for himself the food he wants to eat. But his attitude is garbage. If he cares about you, he won’t speak to you that way. If he cares about you, his primary concern will be your health and wellbeing.

I suggest 1. A conversation about the way he speaks to you, and 2. A conversation about what kind of food he would like to eat that also fits with your needs, and if he doesn’t like that, 3. A conversation about how he will need to cook for himself from now on.

Aggressive_Power_471

NTA some of us Americans lose it when there is no meat. I love meat but will occasionally eat vegetarian if it is tasty, like a butternut squash ravioli. In some places meat is king and no meat at all anywhere is downright offensive to people. Sounds like your boyfriend feels that way. If you had said Lasagna but not mentioned it was vegetarian, I bet he would not have said boo. This is one of those points that weirdly some people don’t consider rude even though they are complaining about food that you made them, like you owe them what they like for being in a relationship. My point is NTA, he sucks a little but many share his sentiment so you might hear this again sometime.

_gadget_girl

NTA If he dislikes the food you cook he is welcome to fix something else. I would sit him down and let him know that you will be eating/cooking this way for the long term for your health, that you will take into account his likes/dislikes and food preferences when meal planning, but you will not prepare foods you can’t eat yourself. He needs to understand that this way of eating is something necessary for you, he can still eat whatever he wants, but he will need to prepare it himself.

Competitive_Bad4537

NTA, if he wants a cheeseburger, he can do it himself. You can obviously mix in some things that he likes, but that’s just a nice thing to do as a couple. But, if he can’t understand your dietary needs and why it’s important, then he’s the asshole. By the way, this is coming from a man who has a wife who needs a strict diet for stomach reasons, and I cook 90% of the meals. Do I get bored of the meals at times? Yes. Do I blame her? No

Bearmancartoons

NTA. You aren’t making him eat your diet but at the same time you aren’t required to make two meals so he feels better. There are times my wife cooks, I cook or we cook together. Sometimes she wants to make salmon which I don’t like so I make my own dinner. He is a grown man. He can cook his own dinner if he doesn’t like what you make.

adventuresofViolet

NTA, are his hands broken because I didn’t understand what’s stopping him from making his own damn meals. Talk to him, explain it like he’s a child because that’s how he’s behaving, you are cooking for yourself and generous enough to offer him some. If he doesn’t want it, he can make and or buy his own meals.

K_A_irony

NTA. He can make his own food. You are not forcing him to eat what you cook. How did he eat before he dated you? He can go back to doing that.

(side note.. maybe it is the roundup in the grains you are reacting to? Just dropping the non organic grain products might be all that is needed).

Hellokittyloverhehe

NTA hes the AH and needs to learn to cook for himself, and it is benifiting him so you are even helping him. Leave that childman ass, you are not responsible to feed him, if he doesnt like what you make, which you HAVE to make because your stomach, he can make it himself

OkPomegranate4395

NTA.

You’re not forcing your diet on him. He’s choosing to let you do all the work (buying food, meal prepping, cooking). If he wants to eat differently than you, he can – but coming home and whining about how it’s unfair you cook nice meals for him isn’t the move.

lostinlife4ever

NTA, does he realize the sickness you were going through could literally kill you? Also, he is a big boy. He can make/buy his own food.

If you can, I would definitely try to talk to him to highlight how important eating organic is for you.

Peep_Power_77

NTA. You aren’t forcing your diet on him. You’re simply cooking what you can eat and you are kind enough to share with him. If he wants a cheeseburger, he can figure out his way around the kitchen. You’re his girlfriend, not his mom.

DestronCommander

It doesn’t sound like you were forcing your meals on him. Just that vegan is all you make. Certainly, you try to make your dishes interesting. If he wants a burger so bad, he can buy one. NTA.

JanileeJ

NTA. You’re not forcing your diet on him. He can go out and buy himself a cheeseburger. Or make it himself.

He’s TA for expecting you to cook food for him that you can’t even eat.

Icy-Reflection5574

NTA. Without bashing US, “food” is a generous word for what you get there (made me ill also honestly). Your BF is free to make / pick up his own food no? He has to hands I assume?

misfitpomegranate

NTA. You’re not his personal chef. You’re being generous in making enough food to share. If he doesn’t like what you make, he can cook his own food, or order from a restaurant.

ToldU2UrFace

Nta.

He is grown. He can make his own food. He can feed his own self.

You are not responsible for feeding a grown man because he doesn’t want to put in the effort

Friendly_Evening_949

NTA, if he wants to eat different food, he can cook it himself or order it. You’re diet is for your health don’t let his complaining get in the way of that.

smol9749been

YTA. You could’ve tried a little harder to make the post seem believable. Saying your American boyfriend wants a cheeseburger is pretty stereotypical.

Rumormoon

My husband is diabetic and is on a specific diet. If I don’t want what he’s eating I just buy myself something else. Your boyfriend can do the same

HodorTargaryen

NTA. You aren’t forcing him to eat anything, you’re cooking meals that work for you. If he wants something else, his hands aren’t broken.

aj_alva

NTA. I bet he drove past 100 cheeseburger places on his way home to pout about it. Tell him to take care of his own meals from now on.

SweetMaam

That’s not forcing. If you cook and he doesn’t like the food he has a choice to eat it, not eat, or make his own. NTA

Roux_Harbour

You should tell him
“Oh don’t worry, I’d never forcefeed you anything honey! You can make your own food!” 🤗

NTA

DwindlingPeripeteia7

if he wants his own food he can go out and make it. shaming someone for their dietary needs is actually wild.

AdMean6001

There’s only one rule in the house: if you don’t like what’s for dinner, then COOK it yourself, ducon !

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) is facing a significant personal health challenge requiring strict dietary changes after moving to a new country. The central conflict arises when the OP’s necessary health adjustments clash with their partner’s expectations regarding shared meals, leading to feelings of hurt and misunderstanding over whose needs should take priority in the relationship.

Given that the OP’s diet is medically necessary to prevent illness, is it reasonable for the partner to feel excluded or ‘forced’ to eat the same food, or should the partner prioritize supporting the OP’s health requirements even if it means compromising on meal choices? Is the OP unfairly imposing their diet, or is the partner displaying a lack of necessary empathy?