Amid laughter and shared stories, the dinner table became a place of connection, acceptance, and joy. Each dish told a story, each bite was a testament to her love and pride, and in that moment, differences melted away, leaving only the universal language of food and friendship.
My boyfriend (24M) and I (21F) have recently hosted a dinner at his place with some of his coworkers and their partners. He recently got a promotion at work and his friends over there were asking for a treat.
I’m South Asian (Bangladeshi) and sometimes when I have leftovers from some of the traditional dishes I cook; I pack it for his lunch. Apparently many of his coworkers liked the smell and look of his food and some even tried it and liked it.
So when I asked him if we should just invite them at his place where I would cook some traditional dinner; he got excited and said yes. He gave me a heads up that two of them are vegetarian.
For dinner, I cooked white rice, tomato chutney, mashed potatoes, spinach, onion fritters, fried eggplants, chinese vegetables, spicy egg curry, chicken curry, lentils with green mango.
For dessert, I made gajar halwa (carrot based pudding). I also served veg strips snack and beverages before dinner as an evening snack.
All of them seemed to love my cooking and kept complimenting me throughout the night. They also asked me many questions about the ingredients and what is the best way to eat each of them and I was happy to answer those.
After they all left, my boyfriend started ranting “what was that all about?” I got very confused and apparently when he assumed I was gonna cook traditional meals, he thought it would be more like what they serve at the weddings (biryani, chicken roast, spicy beef curry, kebab, fried fish, and other type of veggie dishes).
He thought what we served was not up to the standards; especially when guests are over. I argued that most of my dishes were vegetarian friendly and these are comfort food which are also quite tasty since they were all seasoned properly and made from scratch.
He keeps saying that he should’ve just taken them to a restaurant and that I’m lucky none of them are Indian or something. Otherwise they’d be able to tell that we just fed them “grass”.
I was very hurt by that comment since I put a very high effort into all of that cooking when I don’t even live there.
I want some fresh outside perspective. Was I TA?
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) invested significant effort and care into preparing a homemade, traditional South Asian meal for her boyfriend’s coworkers, aiming to share her culture and cooking skills. The central conflict arises because the boyfriend felt the effort and the resulting dishes were substandard for a celebratory dinner, suggesting they should have gone to a restaurant instead, which deeply hurt the OP given her intentions and labor.
Given the disparity between the OP’s genuine effort and the boyfriend’s harsh criticism regarding perceived social standards, the core question is whether the boyfriend was justified in prioritizing external guest perception over appreciating the thoughtful effort presented, or if his reaction constituted an unfair dismissal of the OP’s culinary contribution.
Here’s how people reacted:
Your boyfriend is a massive TA, though. First of all, if he wanted something specific, he should have voice it BEFORE. Which he didn’t. Second of all, his comment about feeding the guests “grass”… wow. That was soooo close-minded (“vegetarian food = grass”) and low-key racist (because somehow “proper” South Asian food has to have meat???). And on top of that, he treated you like shit AND a simple butler/cook… When you are his girlfriend!!! So much lack of respect…
He might be stress to face some professional repercussions since he thought the guests didn’t enjoyed the food, but that doesn’t mean he can be entitled and a jerk to you. I dunno if it was a one-off, but if your bf berates you regularly like he did that evening, you need to have a hard look at your relationship.
yeah as a fellow bangladeshi, your boyfriends is an absolute ass. He’s disrespectful and xenophobic to boot cos wtf was that “grass” comment and what did he mean but the whole “lucky none of them were Indian” comment??
Ask him to explain that and i’ll be amazed if the answer isn’t filled with some kind of “all south asia is the same” bs or xenophobia and bigotry and absolute ignorance that shouldn’t exist when your partner is desi.
You made an absolutely amazing spread of food, all of which required a lot of effort and time and care. He has no right at all to disregard your hard work and if he wants to eat what they serve at weddings then he can hire a wedding caterer to make it for him or go buy it from a restaurant, instead of disrespecting you in such a disgusting manner.
HE tried to impress HIS coworkers with YOUR cooking – which you absolutely nailed – and now he’s complaining?
Why are you with this person? He sounds like an entitled jerk.
If he wanted you to do something specific he should have said.
You sound beyond amazing and you deserve to be appreciated, no, CELEBRATED.
NTA. Not even a tiny bit.
Editing to add: sounds like the dishes weren’t as much to HIS tastes, but he doesn’t want to say that so he’s trying to make you the problem.
I am a secondhand vegetarian. My food is vegetarian, usually, but I don’t live under a rock and am open to veggie meals. Maybe it’s the fact it’s 6pm and haven’t had dinner yet, but I’m drooling. That sounds like a hella good spread.
You are NTA
Dinner sounds delicious and just from the number of dishes seems like it was a lot of work. 2 problems i see:
– your BF didn’t bother to help you cook for a dinner for him and his colleagues
– your BF didn’t even care to ask what you were making
Your BF doesn’t seem to appreciate you and what you do for him.
What a disrespectful and xenophobic asshole he is showing himself to be! “Fed them grass” is how he thinks of your thoughtful, well loved traditional food? You’re too good to waste your efforts on this rudeness.
You did something really thoughtful that was appreciated by the guests. You are NTA, but your BF is.
Edit: hit submit before I finished typing.
Your bf sounds like a piece of work. The guest were happy it sounds soo idk what stick is up his butt for his comments.
Next time he be welcomed to cook if he has such standards.
Good grief I’m sorry…but your boyfriend…holy skikees. (we’re not allowed to say what he really is in here).
My mouth is watering and I’m so jealous of him.
Welll
Then they would have known that this was a good home cooked meal!!!