Despite the clinical nature and awkwardness of the setting, she transforms what could be an uncomfortable experience into a meaningful exchange. Her story is a testament to the delicate balance of privacy, education, and mutual respect, reminding us that even in the most intimate moments, empathy and understanding can thrive.
My gyno’s office is in a hospital that works really closely with a couple local medical schools. Often, when I go, she’s asked if it’s okay if she has a medical student, or a couple, in to observe.
She’s always made it super clear I can say no, I’ve never felt any pressure. And she’s only asked when I’ve been in for routine check-ups, not when I’ve been there for anything potentially sensitive.
But I’ve always said sure. I’m comfortable with my body, I’m not bothered by it at all, and they’re med students, like they’re trying to learn, it’s nothing inappropriate. My doctor has sometimes talked them through stuff too, which is cool to hear, I’ve learned stuff about my body that wouldn’t have otherwise come up.
None of them have ever been rude or inappropriate, honestly I’d say they’ve come off a little awkward and shyer than me.
It’s also not a sexy thing at all, nobody looks good jammed up with a speculum lol.
I mentioned it offhand yesterday when I was in a group video call with three of my female friends, and my boyfriend was sitting with me. My female friends were all like “that’s so weird, mine has never asked that!” And “Isn’t it weird having a couple people standing around looking up there?”
I said no, it was chill, I want really bothered by that thing. My boyfriend didn’t say anything at the time and the conversation moved on.
After the call, he had a bunch of questions. How many students? (1 to three) Men or women? (Both, pretty evenly split) Gynecology students or just any old med student? (I didn’t ask but I figure they were studying gynecology because my doctor was teaching them about it) How old?
(Generally in their 20s I’d guess)
He was super uneasy with me exposing myself like that to anyone but my doctor, and I said that I didn’t see why it was a big deal, they were med students, they were about to be doctors.
He said that they were just college kids, who knows if they were gonna stick with it, and he didn’t like me inviting random college kids in to look at my genitals.
I said I’d say no next time, it wasn’t a big deal to me either way.
But he still seems bothered by the fact that it wasn’t a big deal to me, and that it happened in the first place! AITA for letting med students observe at my gyno appointments?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is comfortable with allowing medical students to observe routine gynecological exams, viewing it as a beneficial learning opportunity without personal discomfort. This contrasts sharply with the strong unease expressed by the boyfriend, who views the OP’s willingness as inappropriate exposure to strangers.
Given the OP’s lack of personal objection versus the partner’s significant discomfort regarding the privacy of intimate medical procedures, the central question is: Should an individual prioritize their personal comfort and potential educational benefit during medical care, or must they defer to a partner’s strong feelings about perceived boundaries concerning their body, even when the procedure itself is routine and consented to?
Here’s how people reacted:
Yes, it’s your body, and if it’s important to you keep doing it. Personally, I think his opinions are rather prudish. But they’re somewhat understandable as a result of the society we live in.
It sounds like he expressed himself respectfully – he waited to talk to you privately and just expressed his discomfort. If he told you to stop, he’s the asshole. But from your explanation he just expressed his discomfort, which I think is fair. It’s your body, but he is your partner.
If it’s an important issue to you, I’d have a further conversation and try to get into why he cares. That might expose misogynistic reasoning that’s problematic. If he doesn’t listen to your view, that’s problematic. Hopefully, this is just an imprinted opinion of his that he never really questioned, and when he examines it he’ll realize he’s wrong. Maybe he’ll tell you that he understands it’s not perfectly rational, but it still makes him uncomfortable.
But just from what you’ve said, I wouldn’t call him an asshole. A potential one, maybe.
I can see how some might say N A H, but frankly I think your BF is being immature, and an idiot. Lol!
– He’s feeling insecure about medical students observing for education. He clearly knows nothing about the medical school program. They don’t let just any old college student wander into a women’s clinic and look at patient’s vaginas. Lol!
– He is woefully misinformed if he thinks there is anything sexual or erotic about laying on a table, bare from the waist down, with your legs in stirrups, getting a speculum or wand shoved up *there*. Does he get turned on when an old, male doctor grabs his balls and tells him to cough? I’m guessing no.
He is being pretty small-minded. You are free to do what you want in regards to your own healthcare. If you want to heed him and say no, that’s totally your prerogative. But I think it’s an asshole move for him to project his misinformed insecurity onto you, therefore causing you to say no.
When I gave birth to my youngest, I had 8 different people looking up my vagina:
– 2 different midwife
– 2 student midwives
– an intern obstetrician
– 3 undergrad med students
If any of them found watching a 4kg being birthed erotic or sexy, I’d say more power too em! 😂😂😂 I may have pooped on one of them.
My partner stayed up by my head interestingly…
Your bf is tip toeing the line.. I can understand his point, very few people are comfortable with strangers looking at their SO bits…but this is a hospital enviroment, and as long as it stays professional and you deem it that way.
“It’s also not a sexy thing at all, nobody looks good jammed up
with a speculum lol.”
so naive for this statement though. There are porn sites for this exact thing..
>He said that they were just college kids
Uh. No. Those are medical students/residents, they are not random college kids. Your BF has no clue how medical school works. They may not stay in gynecology, but they are doing a gyn rotation and that info is relevant to other fields they may go into as well.
It’s your body and your decision, but I think a lot of people would be uneasy about their partners being in this position, and it seems like he (for the most part) expressed his unease in a relatively open and non-controlling way.
He’s maybe a tiny bit TAH if he’s giving you attitude after the fact for not having a problem with it though.
>He said that they were just college kids, who knows if they were gonna stick with it, and he didn’t like me inviting random college kids in to look at my genitals.
What’s the key word there?
**My**. As in, those are *your* genitals, not his, and as long as nobody is getting sexual with them his boundary is unfair.
That being said, I would be super uncomfortable if my girlfriend allowed anyone but her doctor and myself to see her genitals. That’s my choice.
Edit: I am stating it’s my choice to be uncomfortable about it.
NTA
Does he want you to have a good gynocologist? Then they need to learn it! You are doing the world a favour, it helps the students and it allows others that are not comfortable to say no.
An insecure child. “Who knows if they’re going to stick with it,” they’re like 95% of the way there.