Their love is tested not by the arrival of a child, but by the clash of hopes and fears woven into a single word. Each name carries a universe of meaning, yet neither can find common ground, caught between tradition and innovation, past and future. In this struggle for a name, they are forced to confront the deeper question: how do two souls merge their dreams to create something truly theirs?
I (31 F) am expecting my first child (gender unknown) with my husband (32 M). We have been discussing (arguing about) a name for the last 8 months and now I’m afraid there is going to be a tug of war at the hospital over the birth certificate.
Stylistically we want very different things. I like “classic” names. To give a few examples for a boy’s name: Martin, Silas, Calvin. My husband prefers more unique names–he suggested both Artemis and Entrari from his favorite work of fiction.
I don’t want to name our child after a fictional assassin and he doesn’t want to name his child after “an old man.” Combining one “old man” name with one “unique name/fictional refernce” seems to create a really wierd sounding combination and we are both arguing over the first name anyway.
I would love for this to be a “one no two yes” situation and for both of us to be happy with the child’s name, but he hates every single name I suggest and I really don’t care for any of his suggestions.
I do feel as though I should have a little more influence over the name, if only because he automatically gets the child’s last name, no questions asked. I told him that the child could have whatever name he picked out, on the condition that they get my maiden last name and he refused (I don’t actually expect them to have my last name.
I was just trying to express that I understand how important the last name is and I would accept his first name suggestion if I had the priviledge of automatically assuming the last name).
I am getting less and less excited about the arrival of the child, because it is surrounded by disagreement after disagreement. I feel like I’m not getting to name the child something that means a lot to me, names that I have had in my notes app since I was in high school.
He said that he doesn’t want to sigh (out of distaste) every time he has to call out this child’s name. Am I the asshole for really sticking to my guns when it comes to the child’s name?
Does anyone have any suggestions for compromise?
Conclusion
The original poster is facing significant stress and disappointment because she and her husband cannot agree on their first child’s name after months of discussion. Her desire for a classic name clashes directly with her husband’s preference for unique, fictional names, leading to a stalemate where neither party feels satisfied with the other’s suggestions.
Given the deep emotional attachment both parents have to their naming choices and the resulting marital tension, the core question remains: Should the mother advocate more strongly for her long-held traditional names, or is compromise now necessary to preserve the excitement surrounding the baby’s arrival, even if it means sacrificing a personal preference?
Here’s how people reacted:
Names I thought of:
Xander, Ansel, Asher, Lucas, Levi, Milo, Jude, Felix, Finn, Isaac, Malachai
You can probably find some compromise of something that sounds classic but is still a reference of some type, with a little digging. Don’t be afraid to ask the internet for help!
> I do feel as though I should have a little more influence over the name, if only because he automatically gets the child’s last name, no questions asked.
I find this to be perfectly reasonable. Adding to that, you’re using your body to grow your child. That all on it’s itty-bitty own tips the scales in your favor, but definitely that your child will have his family name, you should get to choose the primary name. The middle name (or names…I gave my kids two middle names) is negotiable.
While I agree with your argument surrounding first name and surname, I’d worry about your husband going rogue if you haven’t chosen something before the birth. Ultimately, your husband is more likely to get a chance to fill out the birth certificate before you and his name choices are so bad.
my best compromise suggestion is picking an “old man” name that is also a fictional character he happens to like. but tbh these super unique fictional names are BAD and your husband definitely sucks worse than you here, even though neither of you are very good at compromise….
I’ve heard of an app, I don’t remember the name, that was described as “tinder for baby names”. Basically you both get served a randomized list of names and you swipe yes or no on them. Then it will show you what names you matched on. You only need to find ONE name you can both agree on.
when i showed up with a reasonable name (that i really wanted) my wife jumped on it and agreed.
May I suggest rather than listing names to each other, have each of you make a list of 25 or even 50 names you like. Rank them on your list and give the list to a trusted friend who can then see if there are any names on both lists and, if so, which is the highest ranked name.
NTA, should definitely be a two yes situation with first names.
But not Artemis, we all know the true best name is Jarlaxle. (yarl-axel)
You BOTH are unwilling to compromise.
When you give birth, that will make three babies in the household.