Each call for trivial fixes was a small, persistent intrusion; each flirtatious touch at the Christmas party a loud, unmistakable signal. The wife watched helplessly as her husband, once the unshakable pillar of their life, became the focal point of Tabitha’s relentless pursuit, threatening to unravel the trust and stability they had built together.
My (37f) husband (40m) has been working at his company for 10 years as a maintenance supervisor. About a year ago they hired Tabitha* to work in their accounting department. Since the day she first started working there, she has had an infatuation with my husband that is now becoming unprofessional and inappropriate.
This started when the heat went out in her office. My husband’s job as supervisor is to assign tasks to his employees, however, she is never satisfied with the work they do, even though he says that they do great work, so she demands he work on her office.
She constantly calls him on his work phone for mundane things (carpet is loose in a corner, loose screw on her coat hook) and he goes and fixes them without issue.
Last year when we went to the company Christmas party (pre-plague times) she was very flirty with him, constantly grabbed his hand. When he introduced us she just grinned at my and said “look there’s Peter,” and grabbed his hand and walked away.
When we sat at the table she damn near pushed me out of my seat to sit next to him, and my husband told her to get up that it was my seat. She walked off in a huff, and when she saw me in the restroom she shoved past me.
I told my husband what happened and he said it was fine, that she was harmless. I told him that she was not fine, and that she clearly had feelings for him and she was acting like a jealous girlfriend.
The past few weeks this has ramped up to an astonishing level of inappropriate. She recently moved into a new house and my husband and some of the other guys from work helped her move and put things together.
He gave her his personal cell phone number, and she has been calling and texting non-stop about things she needs help with. Multiple times a day at all hours of the day and night she will call and text him for help.
Last night at 2:00AM she called about her heat not working right. My husband said he would go over and look at it after work. I broke down. I told him he was not going, that she could call a technician like everyone else, that he is not her personal maintenance man.
I told him very clearly that she has feelings for him and he is so dense he can’t see it. I told him that while it is nice to help on occasion, she calls him all the time asking for help with things that she can do on her own (move boxes/furniture) or pay to have a repair person come and fix.
I told him that once he gave out his personal phone number that he crossed a line, and I am not comfortable with it.
He said that this will most likely be an easy fix and it won’t take long, so I cried and told him that he can either to be married to me, or married to her, but I wasn’t going to be the third wheel in my own marriage.
He says he does not have feelings for her and that I am overreacting to him just wanting to help a friend. I feel otherwise.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels deeply threatened and disrespected by her husband’s continued tolerance and assistance of a coworker’s inappropriate advances. The central conflict lies between the OP’s demand for clear professional boundaries to protect her marriage and her husband’s interpretation of his actions as merely being helpful and friendly, which he dismisses as the OP overreacting.
Given the escalating pattern of unprofessional behavior from the coworker and the husband’s failure to establish firm boundaries, the core question remains: When one partner perceives a third party’s attention as a threat to the marriage, is the other partner obligated to prioritize the spouse’s emotional security over maintaining neighborly or helpful professional relationships?
Here’s how people reacted:
If one person loves another and wants to be their spouse, they would not do ANYTHING to jeopardize that. Period. If something is making the SO uncomfortable and unhappy (within reason), the other person needs to quit whatever it is. He chose to marry you. He needs to continue making that choice every day to put you first above all else like he vowed the day he married you. If he no longer wishes to do this, some heavy decisions need to be made.
You have boundaries, and they are not unreasonable. Tabitha has given more than one indication that she is interested in your husband. I have a hard time believing your husband truly doesn’t see it, especially since you’ve called it out multiple times. But giving him the benefit of the doubt, even if he doesn’t acknowledge her agenda, he is dismissing your feelings entirely. Right now he is making another woman a priority over you, and that’s just not okay.
You shouldn’t have to be fighting for your husbands attention with this broad.
Your husband is not dense.
He’s okay with her behavior because he digs it.
He doesn’t care that you’re bothered by this to the point of you being in tears because He’s most likely just waiting for you to get fed up and leave him so he can be with her and get off Scott free.
Your husband is a coward and you’re better off without him.
NTA
Hubs, on the other hand, is a grade-A dyed-in-the-wool jackhole. ANY man who invalidates his wife’s concerns over behavior THIS blatant is either banging side-chick, or is at bare minimum enjoying the attention… but doesn’t want to *admit* he’s enjoying it.
Either way, you’re in the right here and if he doesn’t willingly shove this woman off, you will have some decision-making to do.
He might be blind to the crush (but, uh, doubtful), but you’re telling him how aggressively she’s treating you.. and he doesn’t seem to care.
Trust your gut here, OP. I don’t think you’re on the wrong track with what you’re suspecting.
This is a husband problem, he is the one married to you, not her. He needs to fix this shit like yesterday.
NTA
Whichever it is, it isn’t on.