AITA for throwing away my dishes rather than wash them, even if my roommate can’t afford to replace them?

In the quiet corners of their shared apartment, a silent battle brews—one born not of money or space, but of respect and the invisible boundaries of shared living. For one woman, generosity and understanding were offered freely, a lifeline to a struggling single mother. Yet, beneath the surface of this fragile peace lies a growing resentment, fed by the relentless stench of neglect and the unwashed remnants of a child’s meal.

This is a story of endurance and the quiet erosion of patience, where compassion clashes with the harsh reality of day-to-day survival. It’s a raw glimpse into the complexities of coexistence, where love for a child meets the harsh demands of shared responsibility, and the unspoken rules of living together are tested by the smallest, most revolting acts of disregard.

AITA for throwing away my dishes rather than wash them, even if my roommate can't afford to replace them?

I’m 28F, my roommate is 29F and is a single mother to an 8 month old.

We both contribute to rent equally, but basically all of the kitchenware is mine. I had it all before she moved in and we agreed before she moved in that we’d share them because she only gets so much money a month and it would be impossible to get her own kitchen stuff.

It’s no big deal to me, but at the time, her child was exclusively bottle fed.

Now her kid eats rice cereal or oat cereal. I don’t know how many people here are parents or whatever but this is the most vile stuff to smell. She mixes this porridge like sludge half and half with formula.

It begins to smell immediately and after an hour? I’ve thrown up before from the smell. But whatever, kids gotta eat.

My problem is my roommate doesn’t wash these dishes. She’ll make this oatmeal stuff, feed it to her kid, then leave half of it remaining in the bowl in the sink, oftentimes when I’m at work.

After 2-3 hours, it turns into cement basically, and our dishwasher won’t clean it. I always have to clean it because she’s busy with her kid. Try as I might to get her to *just rinse it after use* so it can be put in the dishwasher, it falls on deaf ears.

I even asked if she’d get tiny plastic bowls to make it and she said she can’t afford it (a 5-pack is only like $5 and are dishwasher safe).

After about a month of this, I’ve begun just throwing them out. Instead of cleaning them, I throw my dishes away. We have no bowls now, she can’t prepare this stuff in a plate. She’s started using my cups to make it and I’ll be throwing those away, too.

It is nothing to me to replace these things and when I do, I’ll be keeping them hidden. Am I the asshole or going overboard?

Here’s how people reacted:

Kineth

ESH

You’re cutting your nose off to spite your face. You’re gonna eventually need those dishes for yourself in the future and you’re eventually going to have to replace them, as well.

As you’ve noted, the problem isn’t gonna stop just because you throw some dishes away since she’s gonna use different dishes to do the job. You need to make a stand to her to get her to address the issue. I would suggest getting a separate set of dishes for her, but with the issue being that she won’t wash them, that won’t solve the problem.

Personally, I just find it wasteful to throw perfectly usable dishes away.

Theystolemyname2

NTA

You asked her several times. If she still ignored you, she doesn’t get to use your dishes. Personally, I would just take everything and move it to my room behind a locked door instead of gradually throwing it out. She won’t have any choice if one day she suddenly doesn’t have anything to use. Or maybe just leave one cup for her, so she can still feed breakfast to the kid (don’t let it go hungry) but would be forced to buy something for herself the very same day. But if you have enough money to throw it out, go ahead.

nicolet8200

NTA. You could buy her a bunch of the plastic bowls though, since they’re so inexpensive. I’d also be passive aggressive as fuck though and leave them in the sink to pile up, regardless of smell. She may even say “wow, the sink is really full of dishes and I can’t put more dishes in.” You can say something along the lines of “yeah, it’ll be nice once you get all the dishes washed so we can use the sink again.” Just avoid the area like a plague until she gets it and starts cleaning.

Sharoney789

Haha I think this is the rare circumstance in which I started by thinking, “what an asshole,” and ended with, “yeah, but…I might do that too!” I think what makes it NTA is 1) You’ve told her to clean the bowls right away, 2) Cleaning the bowls falls to you, 3) You own the bowls, and 4) At this point, she’s gotta have put 2 and 2 together – she’s gotta realize you’re throwing out the bowls cuz she’s not cleaning them! Plus, 5) That porridge shit sounds gross. So….NTA!!

Keanucordonbleu

ESH, you could at least give her a warning that she can wash them or not have any bowls/cups, and you won’t be allowing her to use your new ones. However she’s the one who is creating this problem in the first place. But you’re the one with the (very understandable) problem with it, so it’s your responsibility to communicate that in order to not be TA also.

toobroketooboujee

ESH You, for being wasteful and throwing away perfectly good items. Especially her, for not cleaning up after herself. Tell her to wash the dishes or stop using your stuff, period. Even if she just rinsed them out right away the dishwasher can do the rest. This is absurdly dumb.

unlabeledpunk

I mean, it’s ultimately your stuff, so I don’t think you’re the asshole, (NTA), especially if she refuses to help by rinsing them off. I personally wouldn’t throw my stuff away, just start hiding my stuff in my room, but any solution is better than no solution.

tyrrael

NTA, I would be livid if my roommate was doing this to my dishes. The least she can do is soak them to keep them from hardening. If I were you, I’d move my dishes to my room rather than throw them out until she’s forced to buy her own.

Frolic-A-holic

NTA – That’s disrespectful and disgusting. It’s generally good manners to take care of items that don’t belong to you when you are using them.
Having a baby is no reason to foul up all the dishes and not wash them. Jeeze.

kateaugustus

NTA your roommate is incredibly entitled. I would have just washed the bowls then hidden them instead of throwing them away but if it’s easy to replace them, then you are within your rights to throw your own stuff away.

westcoasthaze1

ESH. Wth, just tell her she can’t use your stuff anymore if she won’t clean after use, and take away all your dishes. There’s no need to throw stuff away when the same can be accomplished by just taking away your stuff.

BJandtheRV

NTA. She should respect your things. She’s acting like she’s entitled to not only use your things but then expect you to clean up after her. Time to evict her and buy some new dishes.

sharris3006

NTA she’s using your stuff and not taking care of it even after you’ve pointed it out. Not having time because of the kid isn’t an excuse she can take 2min to rinse it out.

flora_pompeii

ESH, adults who choose to cohabitate should be able to figure out basic household chores without so much conflict. It’s some dishes. Grow up.

WebbieVanderquack

NTA, but throwing out your stuff is obviously not a solution. It sounds like you need to reconsider your living situation.

Ramguy2014

ESH. She should definitely figure out how to wash a dish, but *damn* you’re being petty. Talk to each other like adults.

wanderingdev

Nta. But stop wasting them. Just clean them then hide them vs throwing them away. It’s wasteful and unnecessary.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) reached a breaking point due to the roommate’s consistent failure to clean up after preparing baby food, leading the OP to start disposing of their own dishes rather than cleaning them. The central conflict lies between the OP’s right to a clean shared kitchen space and the roommate’s perceived inability or unwillingness to meet a basic standard of shared responsibility, complicated by the roommate’s financial situation and childcare duties.

Is the OP justified in destroying shared kitchen resources to force behavioral change, or is discarding personal property an extreme overreaction that escalates the roommate conflict unnecessarily? The core question remains whether the roommate’s excused neglect warrants the OP’s punitive destruction of property.