NTA – He didn’t find the gold digger title offensive or insulting when it was directed at you but it’s a problem if he’s called one?? If I can ask, why do you want to be a part of this shit show? Your FMIL doesn’t even pretend to respect you or your boundaries. She doesn’t like you because she sees you as being beneath the family and trying to marry up. Your fiancé does nothing to intervene when his family is inappropriate and rude. His masculinity and how it’s perceived are more important to him than how you feel when disrespected by his family. His idea of love is damaging. After you marry, the only thing that *might* change is your last name. The rest of this will not.

From the little I can gather here, you bring too many great things to the table just to sit down with him and starve.

NTA, but

>up for me so I stood up for myself. I told her that there is no gold to dig here: I make four times as much as he makes (I’m an MD and he dropped out second year), I’ve paid off all my student debt (he has over 100K left), I have my own house, ample savings and will certainly inherit more from my parents than he will from his (they have 6 kids and are middle class). What is she worried about? That shut her up real quick especially when my SIL then said “if anything, he’s the gold digger here”.

if it weren’t for the legal ramifications and for your desires, it would have been such a power move to finally sign the pre-nup after that tirade.

NTA – I’d tell him; “Lets have this out, you can pretend you are mad at me all me all you want–but reality is it’s all on YOU! You could A) be mad at yourself for not telling your mom to stop tying to insert herself into our personal business or B) be mad at yourself for not standing up for me in that moment forcing me to do it myself…. That is unless this has been some kind of weak plan of yours all along to get me to leave you, or you put your mom up to it in the first place…or something else I havent thought of… so either fess up to some nefarious plan or step up and accept YOUR responsibility for the situation YOU find YOURSELF in”

NTA. He should have dealt with his family himself. His mother was incredibly out of line to surprise you with a pre-nup when you’d told her repeatedly that you weren’t going to have one. She kept pushing you by calling you a gold digger, and since he wasn’t putting in any effort to stop her, it’s not surprising that you eventually reached your boiling point and set her straight. He’s just mad because he’s embarrassed, which is not your fault. He was perfectly fine with letting his family think you were a good digger, I might add

Nothing emasculating about facts.

However, you should definitely do a prenup. Not because you plan on getting a divorce, but do you have home owners insurance or car insurance? Do you plan on having a wreck or burning your house down? Doubtful.

However, you cannot determine nor forsee what your betrothed is going to be like in six months, much less ten years down the road.

That is really all a prenup is. It’s an insurance policy. But make sure YOUR lawyer draws it up. Not his.

NTA, at all.

1. It’s your and your bf’s decision, not his mother’s.
2. He’s a big time A for not standing up for both you and your relationship.
3. What does your future look like with a meddling MIL and a no-backbone hubster?

And honestly, given your situation, I’d sign the prenup but I’d write it up to ensure *he* doesn’t get a dime off *you* as he clearly wants to prevent the opposite situation by not making his (actual?) stance clear.

ETA: Typos.

NTA but maybe reconsider the prenup to protect you if you end up marrying him. Is he going to resent you for making more money? Is he going to use your money to pay off his debt?

Also you have a serious problem when he just sat there quietly without defending you. Imagine this later in life with more serious stuff or if you have kids. Will the family ask you for money?

ESH, there was probably a better way to deal with that.

Man function a lot on pride, you just saying to everybody that he is basically broke, and bring nothing to the table didn’t help.

On the other side, that proves that you want to marry him because you really love, nothing else. And that’s a good thing.

NTA. Your hard work and success is not a reflection on him and has nothing to do with masculinity. He could have shut this down himself but left it to you so you handled it.

Bear in mind that the man you are planning to marry is fine with you being called a gold digger but it isn’t ok if he is called one

NTA; Don’t agree with your prenup stance, but you stand to loose way more than him. I would heavily reconsider especially with your fiance lack of spine or willingness to defend you to his parents. It’s only gonna get worst imagine raising kids and he let his mom dictate child raising.

NTA. But are you absolutely sure you want to marry him? I see a huge red flag here. You seem like an accomplished & educated woman. Don’t f*ck up your life, the family you’re about to marry in plus your fiancé seems toxic & insecure.

If there’s anything “emasculating” here, it’s that your fiance can’t keep mommy out of his relationships even as he approaches 40.

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edit: NTA, didn’t figure this would end up where a judgement might be relevant.

NTA. He didn’t stand up for you so you did for yourself. That’s on him. But I’d seriously reconsider a relationship with a partner who thinks its emasculating to make less money.

NTA, but you should definitely reconsider a pre-nup for *your* benefit, now that all that information is out there to his family.