AITA for not letting my wife have mothers day after she “canceled” fathers day?

In a quiet suburban home, a family navigates the delicate balance between love, beliefs, and traditions. The husband cherishes his wife and their two young children, yet he wrestles with her unconventional views on holidays, especially the decision to reject Father’s Day in favor of everyday respect.

Their story is a poignant exploration of how personal values shape family rituals, challenging the norms of celebration and materialism. It’s a testament to love’s complexity when ideals and emotions intertwine, revealing that honoring each other can transcend a single day on the calendar.

AITA for not letting my wife have mothers day after she "canceled" fathers day?

I’ve been married to my wife for almost 7 years now and we have 2 children, one 6 and the other 4. I love her but she is a bit strange sometimes. She is very heavy anti-corporation/government.

One of her big beliefs though is with holidays. She still celebrates holidays with the family (Christmas, Easter, etc) but likes to keep them minimalist and not embrace the “Money” side of things.

We still buy our kids stuff for Christmas and for their birthdays but we’ve tried to make them know this is now what these days should be about and that generosity, not materials, should be what we thing about.

Last year in June my wife told me she doesn’t want to celebrate fathers day. Her reasoning was simple, she wanted our children to respect us everyday and not make one day a special occasion for celebrating fathers or mothers.

I was a little hesitant but I agreed and we took the day to try to teach them that.

Well, now that mothers day is coming around she’s changing her tune. All of the sudden she wants me and the kids to take her out for breakfast, buy her gifts, and do other things for her.

I obviously told her no, that we didn’t celebrate fathers day and this was her idea to begin with. All of the sudden she got super upset and is claiming i’m the asshole here. She’s now saying we should celebrate both days and that it’s unfair to her that we aren’t celebrating mothers day.

We fought about this last night and she’s still mad about it.

Here’s how people reacted:

jate8d

ESH. Yeah, she’s in the wrong, totally agree. But especially given this is a holiday where your kids are involved, I feel like you can just grow up and move past it, rather than going for the spiteful move. Celebrate Mothers’s Day, and have a belated Father’s Day. Hell, do it together and have a Parent’s Day if you feel like it.

To your question about being unfair, no, your choice is fair. But it’s going to leave every party in your family except for you less happy. Who knows, maybe you’d be happier too. Even if you feel like a grump Mother’s Day, at least you won’t have to deal with her arguing about it.

depestoreddit

ESH – dude, why are so many people on this sub obsessed with negative reciprocity with their significant others. Sometimes I come here and think I’m the only one with a semi-healthy relationship.

In someone else’s words, just drop it. Yeah it’s lame that she decided a month after Mother’s Day last year that she didn’t want to help your kids show you appreciation but that was 11 months ago. Make it clear it was a little shitty, she owes you this year, then give her a kiss and move on.

TheLegend5

NTA, but I’d probably still do it. Cause wooooo boy I’d start to make some ridiculous demands this year for Father’s Day.

7 pounds of bacon for breakfast in bed.
14 ounce bone in filet for dinner.
Have her and the children play a 92 square game of hopscotch for sport and your entertainment.
One of those Roomba Lawnmowers
An 8K TV
Have her refer to me as “Saint TheLegend5, the creator and completer of all my dreams”
Bake 7 of my favorite pies/deserts only for my consumption

MegpoidBittersweet

NTA. Your wife is hypocrite.

> Well, now that mothers day is coming around she’s changing her tune. All of the sudden she wants me and the kids to take her out for breakfast, buy her gifts, and do other things for her.

Sounds like she didn’t want to do the same for you. And if you follow her whim, I bet you she’d going to end up “cancelling” Father’s Day again when the time comes around.

asonginsidemyheart

honestly ESH – her for changing her tune suddenly, and you for making a big deal out of it. just celebrate mother’s day and then celebrate father’s day when it comes around. what’s the big deal? she’s willing to celebrate father’s day now so why the argument? unless you really feel THAT strongly against celebrating at all, but it sounds like you’re more annoyed that your wife wants gifts.

RVP2019

If this is the biggest problem in your marriage, you should thank your lucky stars and let the woman have her mother’s day.

Technically, logically, you’re correct. But who said your marriage would have anything to do with logic? You may be NTA, but that doesn’t mean you’re right, or being smart about it.

OH_Krill

NTA. This reminds me of the year my wife asked me what I wanted for Father’s Day and I told her “not to be hassled.”

She decided that was code for “invite all our extended family over for an all-day party” and I ended up spending the day before cleaning the house and the day of entertaining our guests.

dmbeeez

Nta, but what a strange way to operate. Kids aren’t harmed by celebrating holidays like normal people. What they are harmed by is petty rigid parents who argue about nonsense. Keep it up and in 20 years, your kids will be celebrating mother’s and Father’s Day like normal people, with their in laws

Cratonis

NTA at best she skips Mother’s Day this year and you pick back up with Father’s Day this year. If she can’t agree to this chances are she tries and cancels Father’s Day after celebrating Mother’s Day this year. This is major red flag stuff if she can’t understand what an asshole she is on this.

iambluest

ESH.

Neither of these days are about either of you, until your kids are old enough to begin adopting more mature roles. I’m concerned that if you two (the adults) don’t get some help, your kids won’t ever be prepared. This is a wake-up call

911spacecadet

Nta but not celebrated her is probably going to make things worse all around (whether that’s fair or not)

Info: did you celebrate mother’s day last year? Seems odd if she was celebrated in May and then pulled the plug for your day in June.

jeffsang

NTA – Your stance is perfectly legit. However, if your wife realizes she’s being a hypocrite and was wrong to take Father’s Day away from you and she’s apologizes, there’s no reason not to celebrate both again this year. Don’t be petty.

bigrottentuna

NTA. This is a natural consequence of her asshole decision to cancel “your” holiday. Her inability to see and accept that is disturbingly narcissistic. I would hold the line on this and tell her you will celebrate both next year.

gurilagarden

NTA – but just stop. Celebrate the damned thing and make it clear that you get reciprocation next year. If she refuses, come back here and we’ll revisit the situation. Why be right when the reward is so unsatisfying?

TXR22

>All of the sudden she got super upset and is claiming i’m the asshole here.

Sounds like you actually have three children living in your household!

NTA

pepperbeast

ESH. You both need to stop stomping your feet, take a deep breath and decide how you’re going to handle both Mothers Day and Fathers Day in future.

FuelledByPurrs

NTA- she had this coming! If fathers day is so wrong, then mothers day is too. Tell her the same things she told you. See if she likes that!

kadalystgw2

NTA. She can’t have her cake and eat it too…she canceled Father’s Day so fair is fair. She’s being a hypocrite.

Conclusion

The husband finds himself in a difficult position because his wife is demanding special recognition for Mother’s Day after mutually agreeing to skip Father’s Day based on her own philosophical objection to designated celebration days. His stance is rooted in the principle of consistency with their prior agreement, leading to emotional conflict and accusations of unfairness from his wife.

Is the husband justified in holding his wife to the mutual decision to avoid designated appreciation days like Father’s/Mother’s Day, or does the wife have a valid point that applying the rule inconsistently constitutes unfairness to her?