Caught between the rules of the game and the unspoken rules of their hearts, he chose to play a word that unknowingly reopened wounds. The silence that followed was not just about a game lost, but about the delicate balance of love, pain, and understanding that they struggled to maintain.
For context, my wife and I have always been extremely competitive. It’s an important part of our relationship, and she has gotten pissed at me in the past when she perceives I have thrown a game intentionally to spare her the sadness of losing.
Tonight as we were playing Scrabble, I had the option to play the word “miscarry” to win the game. From what I could tell, there were no other words I could’ve played that would have resulted in me winning.
Sadly, a few months she had a miscarriage. It is still a sensitive topic. I chose to play the word, and she was super upset and hurt since I had the option to play the word. She is currently not speaking to me cause I failed to immediately apologize.
I think in the context of our relationship, she is overreacting. AITA here??
Edit 1: I have apologized profusely, and did so pretty quickly after (just not AS I was playing the tiles). Regardless, looks like the consensus is pretty clear.. thankfully she’s a very forgiving woman.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) prioritizes their established pattern of intense competition within the marriage, choosing to prioritize winning a game over perceived sensitivity to his wife’s recent emotional trauma. The central conflict lies between the OP’s belief that this competitive dynamic excuses his actions and his wife’s profound hurt stemming from the word choice on a sensitive subject.
Given the immediate, deep emotional reaction caused by playing a word directly related to a recent miscarriage, was the OP’s commitment to the game’s competitive structure an appropriate response, or did the sensitivity of the topic demand temporary suspension of that rule? Should relationship history always yield to acute emotional vulnerability?
Here’s how people reacted:
I think that you did not mean to hurt her but you did so now you should apologize. That’s how life is sometimes, you hurt people you care about (whether you mean to or not) and you say sorry for hurting them.
You talk about the context of your relationship but the context changed when she miscarried and it might always be a sensitive thing for her or it might just be now as it’s only been a few months. But real life changes the “rules” about what is acceptable all the time and it’s important to be honest about that with yourself.
Story time – my brother lost two daughters within a year of each other due to birth complications (they were born at 23 weeks gestation and 24 weeks gestation). We had a tradition of family games nights about once a month and had always warmed up with a game of Cards Against Humanity. That game has a bunch of dead baby references and they had historically been pretty funny and would occasionally win a round. The first games night we had after he lost his first daughter we took all the dead baby stuff out and left them out for about 4 years. At some point he mentioned not seeing them, we told him what we’d done, he got a bit emotional and thanked us but told us it wasn’t necessary any more (he’d just become a father to healthy baby girl at the time). It was sensitive at the time and we could respect that, we still wanted to win the game but we loved our brother more than it was worth to do that.
Your wife matters more than context or the old “rules” of engagement.
I understand how difficult it can be to have a miscarriage, and how things can become touchy subjects. I also understand that it was just a word with no malice and that her reaction was surprising and probably hurtful. From the way it sounds, she seems to be treating you like you personally attacked her or did it to hurt her, when you didn’t.
Your mistake comes in by letting your own hurt feelings stop you from apologizing.
Sit down with her and let her know that you didn’t realize it would upset her so much, that you were trying to uphold your previous agreement because you thought that was what was best. Tell her you’re also sorry it took you so long to say you were sorry because you were hurting too, it was hard for you when she acted like you had done something on purpose to hurt her when you were trying your best not to.
I hope a shitty game of Scrabble was worth the emotional damage it’s done.
Your wife (and you yourself) suffered a miscarriage and you felt playing that word was more important than losing a game. Christ you’re an tremendous ass. Miscarriages are devastating. Physically, emotionally, mentally. She’s not overreacting in the slightest.
I know you were trying to respect your dynamic, but there has to be a boundary and this is certainly beyond the acceptable.
Bullshit. Yes YTA. Who brings up their significant other’s trauma just to win a stupid game? That’s honestly some sociopath shit.