The pregnancy was a bombshell, not just for her but for her parents too, who openly fretted about costs and logistics, dismissing the profound change with cold practicality. Her mother’s insistence on rushing back to work, minimizing maternity leave, and the absence of any warm welcome for the new baby reveal a household where emotional bonds are fragile and fleeting. As they brace for upheaval, she braces for the loneliness that’s been quietly growing all along.
I (16f) am an only child and that position will be expiring in October when my parents have their second child. They were always supposed to be one and done with me, something I was aware of was partly due to them finding childcare ridiculously expensive and mom enjoying her job too much to stay home.
I think another part of it they are not very natural parents and are pretty much entirely hands off. We never do anything as a family and they are not very involved in my life. They pay for stuff and that is their contribution to my life.
The pregnancy was a big shock for them, and for me. I heard them discussing wtf they would do and my mom was repeatedly saying she was not going to stay at home and she was not going to take much maternity leave.
That she wants to be back at work ASAP. They complained about how much it will cost to get someone to watch the baby while they work and during the summers and stuff. I heard them mention me and I was like oh hell no.
They sat me down a week ago and told me they had these plans for me to watch the baby for 3-4 hours after school until they get home from work. It would involve quitting all my after school stuff and not hanging out with friends after school either.
They also want me to stay home next summer and to consider hanging around to be there for the next few summers. I was like no way. They told me I am going to be a big sister now and that as part of the family I have responsibilities.
I told them THEY had responsibilities as parents and I am not a parent, I am the child in their house. They told me not for long. I said I could just rush to graduation and leave so they can’t use me as free childcare.
I don’t think they expected these reactions from me or the thought I had put into it. After I heard them talk with each other I found out I could graduate in December by talking to my guidance counselor.
I’m almost finished my junior year now and could finish senior year early with the grades I keep and the work I do. That is definitely the most appealing option to me and I’ll be 17 in a couple of weeks anyway.
My parents were really unhappy with me and they told me I am going to miss out on so much by doing this. I told them I won’t take care of or raise the baby for them. That I have my own life and being stuck with a baby is not part of it.
They told me I am being incredibly selfish and to think about what I am throwing away. They also said I won’t be a very good sister if I refuse to be part of the baby’s life.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) feels that their parents are attempting to shift adult childcare responsibilities onto them, conflicting sharply with the OP’s established identity as a child with their own life and future plans. The parents view the OP’s refusal as selfish and a dereliction of expected familial duty now that a new sibling is arriving.
Given the parents’ lack of involvement and their immediate expectation for the OP to provide extensive, unpaid childcare, is the OP justified in prioritizing their education and personal freedom by planning early graduation, or are they acting unfairly by refusing to contribute to the family’s sudden logistical needs?
Here’s how people reacted:
Legally in your country can you leave home at 17? UK for example you can leave at age 16 without your parents consent and without police getting involved. Can your school counsellor help you get in touch with charities or organisations that can help you find accommodation and financial support? If you leave and get a student loan for university – would you get the full amount or would they say your parents earn too much even if you dont live with them. In the UK i think they’d still base it on your parents salary even if you’ve moved out. Find out what you need to do to to be able to get full student loans and financial support without your parents income being taken into account.
You parents are selfish – one of them needs to take time off if they dont want to pay for childcare, they need to downsize, or they need to give the child up for adoption if they want to keep the pregnancy.
If you have nothing to lose and they care about what their friends, community, colleagues think – put what they are doing on full blast to embarrass them and get them not to force you into this child care role.
My parents had babies when I was 18 and almost 20 and did this a lot. I even wanted to help, but they took souch advantage of my time while denying me my own opportunities I became super resentful and started refusing to help. In reply they’d just up and leave for hours, sometimes forcing me to take a baby with me to work or classes because they were just gone.
If that happens to you, call CPS.
My mom has always been a single mom, and much like yours very emotionally absent. when i was 6, she went to a sperm donor just because she wanted another kid. she had twins, and i got that same “big sister responsibilities talk”
long story short i lost my entire childhood to helping raise my siblings. I’m 20 now, the damage done to all of us is irreversible. all that being said, you’re absolutely right. That baby is THEIR responsibility and you are entitled to your entire childhood.
Nothing. You’re throwing away nothing. They want you to quit all your activities and friends so it’s not like staying longer benefits you in any way.
>They also want me to stay home next summer and to consider hanging around to be there for the next few summers.
Ha. Sure thing. Good job telling them no. You should get out ASAP. NTA.
You were right when you said: “THEY had responsibilities as parents and I am not a parent, I am the child in their house.” (Sorry don’t know how to link it from your text).
THEY are the parents, it is THEIR child and THEIR responsibility. I get helping out once in a while but this is unfair to you. Plus you are 16! You are so young. What happens if you to go to college or something? They are irresponsible parents.
Changing diapers, tantrums, running around after a hyperactive toddler among them.
NTA, and you honestly sound way more mature than your parents. Please go as far away as possible from them as soon as you can.
Thanks for the upvotes and awards!!!
But don’t pick up your parents bad habits in regards to not being there for your young sibling. You can be a loving big sister without being de-facto mother.
Have you got grandparents or other family you could go stay with?