Then, a sudden, painful fall shattered the fragile peace—a harsh reminder of how easily life’s small crises can go unnoticed. The wife’s silence in the chaos of the night spoke volumes, revealing the profound loneliness lurking beneath the surface of their seemingly balanced life.
My husband is an avid computer gamer – mostly WoW-type games. Approximately five nights of the week, he’ll play games online from the time that our son goes to bed at 8:00 or 8:30 to about 12:30, so at least four continuous hours.
That in itself is not at all an issue for our relationship. He spends plenty of time with me and our son, and I have my own hobbies that he isn’t interested in that I engage in when he’s online.
A few nights ago I was doing laundry while he was playing online, and I stepped on a toy that my son had left on the basement stairs. I fell pretty hard and dropped the basket. Luckily because of the way my weight was shifted I fell backwards rather than forwards, resulting in a bruise on my butt but I was otherwise fine.
The laundry basket clattered down the stairs, ricocheted off some basement furniture, shot laundry everywhere. It was a huge racket. It woke up my son. My husband, who had his headphones on, heard literally nothing.
It dawned on me that if something really bad happened to me, my husband wouldn’t know about it for potentially four hours – like what if I broke my leg falling down the stairs? So I asked if he would be willing, for my peace of mind, to just pop out of his office at the mid-point each night just to check on me.
Like literally, just say hi and go back to gaming. He thinks this is a huge overreaction and a waste of time. I know for a fact that he isn’t actively playing the entire time and he sometimes takes breaks to go to the bathroom or get a snack or whatever, so how is this different?
AITA?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experiences significant anxiety regarding her safety, stemming from a recent fall that her husband, engrossed in online gaming, did not hear. Her request for a brief, mid-session check-in is rooted in a need for reassurance about her immediate well-being in an emergency. The central conflict arises because the husband perceives this request as an unreasonable interruption to his dedicated hobby time, dismissing her safety concern as an overreaction.
Given the disparity between the OP’s need for a safety net and the husband’s refusal to implement a minimal check-in, the core question remains: Is it reasonable for a partner to request a brief, scheduled safety check from someone who is otherwise occupied for extended periods, or is the husband justified in viewing this as an unnecessary intrusion on his personal time and hobby?
Here’s how people reacted:
It’s a perfectly reasonable request that your partner step away for a second just to check in. If anything else, he should want to so he can confirm you’re good with him essentially ignoring you for hours. Me and my SO are major gamers, we met through Twitch, and we have lots of times we play our own games and ignore each other. But we also both check in on the other to make sure they’re still comfortable being ignored. Nobody involved had to plan it or ask this to happen, we each take that time by our choice because we care if the other is comfortable and feeling attended to. It’s one thing if he knows you’re cool with it and your dynamic allows him to feel comfy not checking in, but he’s being a prick if he’s going to be upset that you asked him to do it.
Also, the fact he heard *nothing* but knows you fell should be a clear indication to him that he **needs** to either turn down the headphones or step away because that seems like it’d be hella loud. If he games like that when you’re not home, something could be happening to your son and he’d have no idea cause he cant hear anything *and* refuses to stop for family check ins.
It’s funny because this is something that actually happened-ish to myself and my husband a few years ago. I was taking a bath and he was playing video games. I dropped something and it made a very loud noise which he heard. Like 5 minutes later he checked on me and asked if I was ok. I asked about the delay, curious as to why he was checking now, and he said he wanted to wait until his he loaded, since he wasn’t sure something was wrong. I explained that if something were I might already be dead by the time he checked. Now I can’t drop the shampoo without him making sure I am ok.
I was engaged to a gamer who would literally play all day (lost his job and refused to get another one). We’re talking wake up at noon, game until 4/5am.
One day I fell in the shower – products smashed all over the floor, tile broken etc. LOUD. Absolutely no reaction whatsoever. Luckily I was ok apart from a few bruises and a sore head but I could have easily cracked my head open. I just kinda sat there crying in self pity for a while, then went back out and he just completely ignored the obvious mess I was in – asked him also to check in and got a hard no.
Yeah… he’s gone now.
Edit: I now realise why I’m being challenged with my N A H response. I thought N A H meant “not the hole” 😂🤷🏻♀️, I really mean NTA. Sorry!
Edit:
Found the story
https://www.reddit.com/r/CreepyCompendium/comments/e90r5m/throwaway_account_tells_the_story_of_the_time_he/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Honestly it seems like a bit of an overreaction to ask your husband to check if your still alive. I dunno this just sounds really silly to me. Like, you fell on your behind and your acting like its a near death experience. Just my two cents.
I NTA. But i think the timing is off as he thinks you’re simply doing this simply because you fell down. Which to men doesn’t necessarily make sense