Caught between love and control, she grapples with the weight of expectation and the yearning for freedom. Her story is a poignant reminder of the delicate balance between protection and autonomy, and the courage it takes to reclaim one’s own path.
I (19F) am in my first week of college. I’ve had life360 with my parents since I was about 16 for general safety reasons. However, they’re a bit overbearing and controlling about where I go, even after I turned 18.
I’ve found myself being extremely stressed about doing very normal things and being worried about them getting upset.
Before I left for college my mom asked me to leave my life360 on, joking about how she “wants to know what ditch to get me out of” if something goes wrong, which I completely understand, but my parents have been obsessively checking my location since I’ve gotten here.
They’ve mentioned in passing places I went (literally like stores to buy stuff for school) when I didn’t tell them I was going. They’ve been pressuring me to go to church and checking my location frequently to make sure I am (I don’t want to but I like to keep the peace).
It’s a bit uncomfortable.
I’m wondering if I’d be an asshole if I told them that if they don’t stop stalking me, I’m going to turn off my life360. I understand their reasoning behind wanting me to have it, but it’s uncomfortable knowing that wherever I am they’re probably looking constantly.
Conclusion
The original poster is experiencing significant stress because their parents are intensely monitoring their location through Life360, which conflicts with the OP’s need for autonomy as a new college student. While the parents likely act out of a desire for safety, their actions feel like stalking to the OP, forcing them into a stressful situation where they must either comply with monitoring or risk confrontation.
Is the original poster justified in threatening to disable Life360 if the constant location checking does not stop, or would this action be an overreaction given the parents’ stated safety concerns? The core debate centers on balancing parental concern and safety with the young adult’s fundamental right to privacy and independence.
Here’s how people reacted:
Your parents really should ease up a bit though. My kids are 20–22, and they’ve never turned off the Find My Friends feature. I think that’s largely because I have never abused it, not even when they were in high school.
Honestly, I rarely check it at all – maybe if I need to call about something and want to make sure they aren’t in class or at work, or if they’re traveling home so I can get an ETA without calling while they’re behind the wheel.
They can see my location too, and use it in much the same way I do: sparingly, and only for practical reasons.
If I were overstepping or monitoring them constantly, they’d have every right to turn it off, and I wouldn’t blame them one bit.
That being said, what is your financial entanglement with your parents and how far do you think they’d go to keep tracking your location? If they’re paying your expenses and they’re the type to cut you off for not obeying them, then it might not be a battle worth fighting.
Try and have some rational conversations with them first. Remind them you’re an adult and ask them to treat you like one. Remind them that they raised you to make good decisions and that you always have and that it’s time for them to let you “spread your wings” and start living your life. Ask them to only check your location for emergencies, etc. See how that goes before threatening things.
BUT if you want to be sneaky about this instead of fighting them.
Get your own cell phone. Then put call forwarding on your old phone.
Have the calls from your old phone forward to your new phone.
Carry it occassionally so they don’t catch on to what you are doing.
Maybe have someone who goes to church bring it with them to church and then drop it off back, etc.
Of course, this is just punting. Sooner or later you will need to assert independence.
Maybe a compromise is acceptable here. For example: “I’m going to turn off the life360 but I’ll give you a call on a weekly basis to let you know how things are going.”
Try talking to them again. Point out that they have done a wonderful job of creating and nurturing a responsible adult with the confidence to test her wings solo. And tell them how grateful you are to know they have your back at this special time, and that you’ll call when you need them.
Their actions are definitely creepy and controlling.
Or, get a part-time job and pay for your own phone (if you don’t already) so they can’t argue that they pay the phone bill so they have the right.
Parents this obsessive about an adult child will absolutely punish you by withdrawing financial help so be prepared if they are paying for anything.
Gods, I remember the days when the answer to “where is your kid?” was “hell if I know, she’s due back at dinner”. I cannot imagine living under the crushing surveillance of Life 360.
Have you talked to them about how uncomfortable this makes you? Is your dad just as bad as your mom?