Their friendship stands at a crossroads of understanding, where his refusal to share the weight of her possessions feels like cold indifference to her. Yet, beneath his calm exterior lies a profound truth: he seeks freedom, not conflict, in the water’s embrace, while she wrestles with the burden of excess, highlighting the delicate balance between companionship and individuality.
I live ten minutes from a lake. I go several times a week. When I go I bring nothing but myself and a bottle of water. I neither need nor want blankets, towels, coolers, chairs or any accoutrements.
Most of the time I go alone, but occasionally a friend will come along. This friend requires blankets, towels, chairs, various drinks, snacks and sunblock and assorted other lake stuff.
That’s fine. But I don’t need, want or use any of that stuff. I get in the car and go, exit the car and walk directly into the water.
I don’t help her load up the stuff I don’t need, want or use. I likewise don’t help her lug it to the sand or back to the car. She’s the one who insists on bringing all that junk, she’s the one who can hassle around with it.
She recently expressed to me that she thinks I’m a serious asshole for swimming while she makes several trips with her stuff. Both ways. I swim while she unloads, I swim while she loads.
I told her that it’s not my stuff, I’ve no use for it and no interest in it, and I’m absolutely not bothering with it. If she insists on bringing it, she can haul it around. Other friends agree with her, that even if it’s nothing I will use I should still help.
Am I the Asshole?
Conclusion
The original poster feels justified in refusing to help carry gear for their friend, based on the principle that they do not use or need the items brought along. This creates a central conflict where the friend expects assistance as a social courtesy, interpreting the refusal as selfish behavior, while the poster views it as a matter of personal responsibility for one’s own brought items.
Is the poster obligated to assist their friend in managing gear they explicitly stated they do not use or want, or is the friend solely responsible for the burden created by their own decision to bring unnecessary items for the outing?
Here’s how people reacted:
Might as well just go solo if you plan on just ruining the friendship with your self absorbed behavior.
I do get the desire to not want to be responsible for others things but you just walking away without even carrying one bag with your free hand is a bit much.
Is my friend’s kid my responsibility? No. Do I let her go to the bathroom in peace and watch him when we go out together? Yep. Because I love her, she’s my friend.
Since you’re so weirdly transactional, please make sure you never ask anyone for favors without paying them, since you don’t really understand emotional give and take.
Sounds like a fun trip. 🙄
You honestly sound like a self-centered nightmare. Help your friend out. It’ll take you 2 minutes.
God forbid you ever ask anyone to help you.