Their love was undeniable, woven into the fabric of family life where she was cherished and embraced. But beneath the surface, hurtful words from his sister threatened to fracture the warmth they had built. In defending his fiancée, he stood firm, determined to protect the woman who had captured his heart and overcome so much with grace.
My M27 fiancée F25 has an obvious permanent burn scar from an accident that caused her mother (her only parent) to pass away from injury. My fiancée had a long recovery; it’s been 7 years.
The scar is on her collarbone. It goes down her chest but isn’t showing unless she’s wearing scoop/square tops. She often wears hoodies/jackets to cover up. She puts this cream I don’t know what ladies call it but it’s supposed to tone skin color or something?
I’m not sure but my fiancée calls it foundation that is one degree brighter than her skin color. I absolutely adore her; she’s pretty, smart, ambitious, and the list goes on. What happened was unfortunate, and I’m glad she’s at peace with herself and more confident.
My family loves her. How can they not? She’s a member of the family. My mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. However, my sister made comments about my fiancée’s scar several times.
I’ve called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancée with her backhanded and insensitive comments. I told my fiancée she had every right to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit, but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.
Our wedding is in February. My fiancée went shopping for the wedding dress. This is where the issue started:
My fiancée showed the wedding dress to my sister. I didn’t see it, but I was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. My fiancée likes this stuff. Anyways, my sister saw it and went nuts; she started criticizing her choice and said that she should have gotten a high neck or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar.
She argued with my fiancée about it. I went to my family’s house and I confronted her. I yelled at her after she told me my fiancée needed to return the dress and get a “proper” one so that guests won’t focus on her burn scar and use it as the topic of conversation and gossip.
I told her that she’s not invited to our wedding. She isn’t welcome to my wedding with this entitled attitude of hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. We argued for half an hour, then I left.
In exactly an hour, my mom and dad called and berated me, saying my sister was crying after I uninvited her and that I had no right to uninvite her. She’s my sister, and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any “unnecessary” drama at the wedding.
My mom said my fiancée can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pride shawl as a neutral solution. I stopped responding to my mom’s calls and texts after that. Family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again because this will make family look bad in front of outsiders and guests.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is clearly prioritizing his fiancée’s comfort and dignity over his sister’s feelings and his parents’ desire to maintain family harmony. The central conflict lies between the OP defending his fiancée against insensitive remarks regarding her traumatic scar and his family’s insistence that he maintain peace by accommodating his sister’s demands, even suggesting solutions that require the fiancée to hide her scar.
Given that the OP has already uninvited his sister due to her disrespectful behavior toward his fiancée’s appearance choices, the primary question is whether the OP was justified in issuing the ultimatum and uninvitation to protect his fiancée, or if this response was an overreaction that needlessly escalated family conflict when alternative compromises could have been explored first?
Here’s how people reacted:
~~^(My family love her. How can they not. She’s a member of the family. My mom makes sure she takes part in every family function and things like shopping and decorating other things. However)~~. **My sister made** ~~^(comments about my fiancèe’s scar several times. I’ve called her out on her behavior several times to get her to stop because she was hurting me before my fiancèe with her backhanded and insensitive comments. I told my fiancèe she had everyright to cut my sister out and not deal with her bullshit but she has been forgiving and respectful of my entire family.)~~
~~^(Our wedding is in February. My fiancèe went shopping for the wedding dress. This is where the issue started. My fiancèe showed the wedding dress to my sister. I didn’t see it but I was told it was a spaghetti strap dress. My fiancèe likes this stuff. Anyways my sister saw it and went nuts she started criticising her choice and said that she should’ve gotten a high nick or a jewel wedding dress to cover up the scar. She argued with my fiancèe about it. I went to my family’s house and I confronted her. I yelled at her after she told me my fiancee needed to return the dress and get a “proper” one so that guests won’t focus on her burnscar and use it as the topic if conversation and gossip. I told her that she’s not invited to our wedding. She isn’t welcome to my with this entitled attitude if hers and her insensitivity and disrespect. We argued for half an hour then I left.)~~
~~^(In exactly an hour. My mom and add called and berated me saying my sister was crying after I invited her and that I had no right to univinte her. She’s my sister and was just trying to help out and give an advice and avoid any “)~~**unnecessary**~~^(“)~~ **drama** ~~^(at the wedding. My mom said my fiancèe can keep the dress but suggested to wear a pridel shawl as a neutral solution. I stopped responding to my mom’s calls and texts after that. Family members were upset my sister was uninvited and wanted me to invite her again)~~.
**NTA**
This post hits close to home. I have atopic dermatitis which leaves my skin itchy and dry most of the times. Whether it be from stress or certain fabrics my skin has gone through some nasty breakouts that have left scars on my arms and legs that may never go away.
People used to ask me about them all the time, even people I wasn’t that close with like coworkers and such. It always made me feel embarrassed even though it’s a condition I’ve dealt with my whole life.
Moral of the story is that you’re a complete asshole if you go around asking people what happened to their skin or commenting about anything on their body that they can’t get rid of. It’s so rude and invasive it’s not even funny, and people try to mask their rudeness with concern.
Your sister is completely in the wrong, what does she expect? Your fiancé has a scar on her body..okay, that doesn’t mean she should shy away from a wedding dress that she loves just so your sister can be happy.
What your family is doing is abusive and psychologically damaging. Your sister is not being helpful she is being cruel and your parents need a huge wake up call if they think this cruelty is acceptable. You are right to put your foot down and not allow your sister or anyone else to abuse your fiancé under the guise of being helpful.
If your sister is so upset about the scar that she feels the need to argue with the BRIDE over the wedding dress, then she should absolutely not be welcome. At this rate she’d would definitely make comments about it at the wedding, and doesn’t see how inappropriate that is.
Your mother’s suggestion to “compromise” is rude as fuck too.
Thank you for being so supportive of your fiancee. I’m sure it’s one of the many reasons she loves you! Congrats btw!
Your sister owes you and your fiancee a HUGE apology. Your mother can offer one as well. This ‘eww’ factor is childish and reprehensible.
NTA, at ALL.
If your fiancée wants to wear a spaghetti strap wedding dress, then she has every right to.
Those who think it’s ok to gossip and make derogatory comments (including your sister) about her scar need a good look at themselves.
Your sister isn’t looking out for your fiancée, she’s looking out for herself because she is embarrassed “on behalf of your fiancée” who doesn’t care about it herself.
Side note: I think you mean *concealer*
You and your fiancé are the only people with the right to invite or uninvite someone. And it’s not for your mother to offer a compromise on something that’s nothing to do with her or your sister.
The best lesson I ever learned in my life was to put clear boundaries of when my family get a say in something in my life. And that boundary is never. Cause it’s my life, not theirs.
NTA.
Sorry forgot to help with the initial question. Still NTA for uninviting your sister. It seems only she has an issue with the scar not anyone else.
Why should she cover her burn scar up with your mom’s suggestion????!!!
I know people with burns and they are self conscious about it so them jumping on your fiancee about it shows that they are AHs!
Your fiancée’s body or wedding dress is not your family’s business! She can wear what tf she wants.
Jesus wept.