Now, five months pregnant and fragile after loss, she seeks solace in therapy, craving space to heal, only to face new challenges at home where boundaries blur and support feels uncertain. In the midst of her sorrow and struggle, she wrestles with the impossible expectations of others, longing simply to feel what she truly feels—a raw, painful, and deeply human grief.
My 26F. Mom passed away in Dec. It was hard for me to process what happened. I have to say me and mom had a lot of issues between us. There’s so much that I couldn’t say to her. And I’m struggling with grief.
My dad is deceased my mom was my remaining parent. And growing up I had many issues with her. I went no contact with her several times. Then I re-connected with her. Then we’d get into an argument again and the same thing happened.
I feel bad for not trying enough to fix the situation. I keep getting shamed by family members asking if I’m happy now that my mom is gone- but how can someone be happy when their mother pass away?
I’m a mess plus I’m 5 months pregnant after 2 miscarriages and it’s been difficult.
I started therapy two weeks ago. It’s online therapy. I go into the bedroom and I have my session with my therapist. I ask my husband to not come into the room or interrupt after he insisted he wanted to be in the room but wasn’t allowed.
He then started coming in several times just barging in. Brining me coffee or water but I know it’s a way for him to hear something. I got annoyed I told him he was causing me so much stress and he stopped coming into the room.
2 days later. My husband stopped asking me questions all of a sudden. Stopped insisting on being in the room, stopped interrupting my sessions. I thought he finally got it.
But yesterday as I was doing some cleaning. I heard my own voice coming from the bedroom. I was puzzled I walked into the bedroom and found my husband with his phone on his ear listening to my voice.
I then realized that he recorded my voice during my therapy session and was playing the recording. I asked him he said it was nothing then he admitted it was a recording of my therapy session.
I lost it I blew up and I started yelling at him. He told me to calm down it was no big deal. And that he was just curious to know and also wanted to “figure” out what “my problem” is and maybe help out.
I told him it wasn’t his place and just because we’re married doesn’t mean he can disrespect me and be inconsiderate of my feelings. This is a very important thing to me and he kept saying “I’m sorry but I just couldn’t help it”.
I was infuriated There were things between my mom and I that I find hard to talk about and I found what he did disrespectful.
I walked out and he kept saying I overreacted and that he’s not a stranger he’s my husband. I went to stay with my sister who said I was harsh on him and shouldn’t have reacted this way.
He apologized and said he already deleted it. Even said that I can take a few days to stay with my sister to calm down after he saw how much I was mad.
I should mention that he mentioned several times that he was worried about me because I haven’t been talking to him much. And I understand he was worried but that is not an excuse.
* Information: I’m sorry I forgot to mention my husband’s age. He’s 31.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is currently managing intense grief over the loss of her mother, complicated by a difficult past relationship, while simultaneously navigating a high-stress pregnancy. Her primary conflict involves her husband’s severe breach of privacy—recording and listening to her therapy sessions—which she views as a profound act of disrespect that overrides marital trust, despite his claims of concern and curiosity.
Given the severity of the privacy violation during a time of extreme emotional vulnerability, was the husband’s action an excusable manifestation of concern stemming from marital intimacy, or was it an unacceptable, controlling overstep that fundamentally destroys the necessary boundaries within the therapeutic relationship and the marriage itself?
Here’s how people reacted:
1. You not wanting him in the therapy session insinuates you have something to hide from your spouse. Whether that true or not (probably not), that’s what he’s probably getting from it. This means you’re husband is insecure about something and is afraid of something in your relationship. Spouses usually feel there are no secrets between them and get uneasy when they realize that may not be true thinking “what could be so bad my spouse would never rely on me or tell me?”
2. It wouldn’t be the first time a quack therapist suggested a couple break from each other for BS “therapy” reasons such as needing to understand self reliance or avoiding influences during therapy. Unlicensed therapists have been caught practicing therapy before. If your husband is aware of this, he could be worried or panicking. Rather than stopping you, he could be trying to move forward cautiously. Contrary to popular belief, husband’s can be needy too and feel like their wife is a large part of their world. Any risk to changes to the very foundation of life as we know it scares everyone.
3. Therapy for one person doesn’t just affect the one person. It changes family dynamic for better or worse. You are justified in being upset that he would be underhanded in secretly recording. But he is also justified in worrying. Have you discussed with him what he’s worried about? People claim they’re fine or not insecure, but we all know those words can be lies to hide weaknesses. While women tend to say they’re “fine” it’s obvious they’re not. Men are especially bad about this because they’re pushed to believe if you’re not bleeding, you’re fine, suck it up for the greater good and be a man. It can take pushing or prodding for your husband to be honest about what he’s really scared of.
* Edited to add massive thank-you’s for the awards and silvers! WOW!
Let’s see here –
* Ignored your boundaries when you asked him for privacy
* Continued to ignore your boundaries when you reiterated
* Only stopped interrupting or trying to listen when he SECRETLY RECORDED YOUR PRIVATE SESSION WITH YOUR THERAPIST
* Still hasn’t apologized and is 1. telling you to calm down, 2. saying that you overreacted and 3. present himself as the good guy because he’s trying to help
OP – schedule a session with therapist immediately and talk over how you are going to establish boundaries IF you choose to remain in this marriage. This is a huge violation, your sister is also an AH for questioning your reaction. He raped your inner most thoughts. He ignored your no’s and pushed ahead without consent for emotions that you did not willingly give him. You are NTA and I hope you can find a safe place to gather your emotions, talk to your therapist, and determine your next steps. Unless your husband does a 180 and recognizes that he was 100% in the wrong here and has a lot of fixing of himself, you should get out now.
Edit: formatting
WOW. Therapy is, and should always be, a safe space between you and your therapist. This is grossly invasive and, quite frankly, disturbing. You have every right to be furious. How can you trust him again?
I’m also concerned with the phrasing of he will “let” you stay with your sister for a few days. No. Just no. You will stay there as long as is needed and he gets no say in the matter.
I’m not going to tell you to leave him, because that’s a big decision to make with everything you have going on, but you do need to think long and hard about the future of this relationship. If you stay, you will need to consider and identify the steps you will need him to take to regain your trust. And then you need to clearly communicate those steps and hold him accountable.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you because you have SO much on your plate right now.
I’m sorry. This is awful.
edit: Jesus christ people, I get that red flags are a stereotype on this sub, but does it really make me such a “hiveminded fuck” to point out a clear problem? I am not saying OP needs to break up with her SO, i’m just saying this story indicates problems that need addressing.
Husband or not that is a severe invasion of your privacy. Ive had online therapy sessions that my fiance has come home to me an absolute mess and not once has he tried to pry about my sessions and only takes what I offer to him. This is absolutely disgusting and I would be re-evaluating my relationship if this happened to me
Never mind what your sister has to say, tell your therapist about this and ask what they think…
EDIT: i still think everyone sucks here, obviously the husband feels trapped and helpless due to lack of communication. obviously, that does not mean what he did was okay.
Tell your therapist about this.
If you are in a position to leave him, at least consider it.
Edit: Also, I’m really sorry for your loss.