In a shared life where everyday needs are met without question, the sharp contrast of his rejection over something so essential shakes her to the core. It’s more than embarrassment or stubbornness; it’s a silent barrier that turns love into frustration, making her question why the one who claims to care can’t stand beside her through the hardest parts of her pain.
My boyfriend is super sweet up to a point when I’m on my period. He’ll get me tea, snacks, painkillers, whatever. He acts like he’s trying to take care of me, which is why this feels so weird!
Every time I ask him to grab me pads or tampons if he’s already going to the store, it’s an immediate no. Not I forgot or I didn’t have time, just no. Flat out refuses. I’ve asked him why and he gets awkward or says stuff like I don’t want to or it’s too embarrassing or even that’s not my job.
I don’t get it. It’s not a weird thing to ask? We live together. He has no issue picking up toilet paper, body wash, literally anything else. They’re just hygiene products. It’s a box of pads.
He’ll happily get every little comfort item for me except the actual thing I NEED MOST.
I told him it actually makes me feel kinda awful. Like when I’m in pain, cramping, bleeding through stuff, have no energy, and I literally can’t go out to get them myself and he’s already out it’s such a small, simple thing for him to do.
And he still won’t. And when I tried to tell him that, he said I was being dramatic. I snapped and said sorry my bodily functions are too gross for you and that he seriously needs to get over it.
I was in pain and honestly just tired of begging for basic help. He told me I was making it a big deal and that I should plan ahead or ask someone else. It really sucks to feel like I can ask for anything except the one thing I actually need.
So yeah. Am I the asshole for thinking it’s kind of ridiculous? Or I don’t know. Am I the asshole for thinking it’s actually kind of a big deal that he won’t do this one really simple thing?
Conclusion
The original poster is distressed because their boyfriend refuses to perform a simple task related to her menstrual hygiene, despite readily providing other comforts during her period. This refusal creates a central conflict: the OP views this request as a basic act of partnership and care, while the boyfriend frames it as embarrassing, outside his defined responsibilities, or an overreaction by the OP.
Is the boyfriend’s refusal to purchase menstrual hygiene products a significant failing in partnership and basic support, or is the OP overreacting to a minor request based on personal embarrassment or discomfort that the boyfriend is entitled to feel? The core question remains whether mutual respect outweighs individual discomfort in shared domestic responsibilities.
Here’s how people reacted:
One time when I was 18/19, I was travelling home and the period to end all periods started. I was on the bus in the fetal position and called my dad in tears to ask if he could pick me up because I couldn’t walk from the bus stop. He met me with a big bar of choc, my favourite sweets, and at home he’d bought me more tampons.
THAT is normal behaviour, and I’m sorry your bf refuses to reach that incredibly low bar, hun. But you are most certainly NTA.
It IS ridiculous that he can’t just get over the embarrassment and do that for you. I get that and I agree.
And yet…..if he’s in every other way being kind and supportive for you. Is it really something you need to push back on? Maybe it’s just ok to say “wow he really sucks in this one area. “ acknowledge it. But then get over it, move on.
You are an imperfect person whom loves another imperfect person.
And instead of appreciate those things you are focusing on the one thing he isn’t comfortable doing?
Sure, it’s a silly hangup on his part, but at the end of the day it’s your pads and your responsibility. And you know he isn’t comfortable with that and you still keep trying to make him.
NTA, but your perspective is a bit narrow.
Yeah, for sure he needs to get over himself. That’s absolutely no good reason for him but) not to buy pads for you. It’s incredibly immature that he refuses.
But also, it sounds like this is an issue that’s come up repeatedly. Why can’t you plan ahead and stock up? What would you do if you were single? It seems like you’re relying on him for something that you could easily plan ahead for yourself.
The real question is why you need this person to correct what is essentially poor planning on your part. Automate it and move on.
You’re not the one being dramatic. Does he think his manhood is going to fall off if he touches a box of pads?
Dump him and hold out for an actual adult.
Although I do think it’s kind of weird, he doesn’t have to do anything he’s uncomfortable with. You should order them through instacart or doordash.