The dinner quickly became difficult when Emily refused to eat most of the prepared food, stating it was not ‘organic’ or ‘clean,’ and openly criticized the OP’s cooking and the father’s wine choice. The situation escalated when Emily used the host’s kitchen without permission to heat up her own food, leading the OP to decide not to invite her this year, which has caused conflict with her brother.
I (32F) host Thanksgiving every year for my family. Last year, my brother (29M) brought his new girlfriend, Emily (28F), to dinner. I had never met her before, but I wanted to make her feel welcome.
Everything was fine until we sat down to eat. Emily announced she couldn’t eat most of the food because it wasn’t “organic” or “clean.” She loudly criticized the dishes I spent hours making, saying things like, “I can’t believe people still cook with butter—it’s so unhealthy!” She even went as far as lecturing my dad about how his wine wasn’t “natural.”
The worst part? She brought her own organic food and proceeded to heat it up in my kitchen without asking. When I gently suggested she could’ve mentioned her preferences beforehand, she rolled her eyes and said, “I didn’t think I’d need to, considering how aware people are of health these days.”
This year, I decided not to invite her. When my brother asked why, I told him the truth: her behavior last year was disrespectful, and I didn’t want a repeat. He called me “petty” and said I was punishing her for being health-conscious.
My mom agrees with me, but a few other family members think I’m overreacting and should give her another chance.
Conclusion
The original poster is dealing with the aftermath of asserting a boundary after feeling deeply disrespected by a guest’s behavior during a significant family event. The central conflict lies between the OP’s right to control her home and the effort she puts into hosting, versus her brother’s expectation that she should tolerate the guest’s critical and disruptive behavior for the sake of family harmony.
The core question for debate is whether the OP was wrong to exclude Emily based on last year’s conduct, or if her decision to protect her peace and effort in hosting was justified. Should the OP have managed the situation differently, or was disinviting the disruptive guest the only viable option?
Here’s how people reacted:
And now, your brother calls *you* petty? Please. You’re not punishing Emily for her diet; you’re simply refusing to host someone who turned your carefully crafted feast into a lecture hall. Boundaries, they’re as essential as butter in mashed potatoes. Frankly, if Emily wants to preach the gospel of kale, she can do so in the comfort of her own home.
So no, you’re NTA. In fact, you’re quite magnanimous for not banning her and her quinoa permanently. Tell your brother to invite her elsewhere if he feels so strongly. Meanwhile, you can enjoy a peaceful Thanksgiving free of side-eye and unsolicited health advice.
And this complain that there’s nothing for them to eat cuz it’s all made with whatever that they’re against..
Just tell your brother that you are thinking of her since you will not have anything there that she will be able to eat because you make everything with butter
But if he truly has a problem with it he can host the Thanksgiving meal and then they can make everything how she wants it
First of all you’re not punishing her at all, she’s receiving natural consequences of her behaviour. Cause turns out, if you act like a dick to people then people aren’t ready gonna want to spend time with you.
Second, the consequence is not because of her “being health-conscious” but because of her attitude about literally everything.
Geez your brother still with her?! Be prepared not to be invited to their wedding but frankly it won’t be any loss.
She can’t insult you and your parents and not have consequences. Your brother can also not come if he doesn’t want to.
You aren’t any more petty than his bad mannered gf an ld if not tolerating her BS is being petty, then it is a title you can embrace proudly.
This has nothing to do with being “*petty*” or “*punishing her for being health-conscious*”. You just want to spend the day the way you feel like spending the day. If you want to eat a pound of butter and nothing else, than that should be your choice.
Enjoy your butter. And wine.
NTA.
Yeah. I’m petty.
Tell her to bring her own meal or eat what’s served. Otherwise, have some manners or she won’t be invited back for anything. Ever.
However, why didn’t you talk to your brother and/or his girlfriend before sending out this years invitations? Or better yet, shortly after the dinner last year. This seems passive aggressive.
No one wants to be lectured for their eating habits or insulted about their cooking on Thanksgiving.
Tell him he doesn’t have to come either.
If his ill mannered little piece wants to criticise and roll her eyes she can find somewhere else to do so, your house is off limits.
You don’t want to invite her because she is judgemental, shoves her POV down everybody’s throat and for being a PITA.
Me: “bar the door, sis”