Faced with his ultimatum, the parents stood firm, demanding to know his future plans beyond school, only to hear a chilling response: he intended to stay at home without a clear path forward. Their hearts ached with the painful realization that their son’s fight was far from over, and the fragile balance of love and discipline was about to be tested like never before.
This evening my husband 42M and I 40F got into an argument with our 17 year old son. He told us at dinner that he needs our signatures to drop out of school. We know that he has been struggling since remote learning started last year.
We have worked closely with his school to develop an IEP and he goes to therapy three times per week. His school has implemented everything that his therapist recommended including reduced assignments, more time on tests and frequent breaks during lectures.
I have even cut my hours down to part-time at work so that I can be home to help him when needed.
He told us that if we won’t sign the paperwork that as soon as he turns 18 in May, he will sign the forms himself and drop out. My husband asked what plans he had if he were to drop out such as work, living situation and transportation and he said he was going to stay here so he wouldn’t have to worry about any of that.
We both told him that if he dropped out of school that he would not be leaving here, that he would have six months in which he would need to find a job, a place to live and his own transportation to get back and forth from work.
We told him that if he is going to make the adult decision to discontinue his education that he would need to be able to support himself, because we would not be doing that.
My husband (a mason) knows several people who are looking for apprentices in HVAC and as an electrician but our son says he doesn’t want to do that kind of work. He says he wants to make his living as an influencer because he can’t work for other people.
We told our son that our decision stands, that at this time he has three choices; graduate and get a job/go to college, graduate and work a trade or leave.
Our son called us both “stupid assholes” and told us “we don’t understand that he doesn’t want to work like dad.”
Conclusion
The original poster and her husband are firmly upholding their boundary: their son must either complete his education or become fully independent if he chooses to leave school. This stance creates a direct conflict with the son’s desire to drop out, remain at home without responsibility, and pursue an undefined career as an influencer.
Given the intense emotional reaction from the son and the parents’ clear, conditional ultimatum, the central question remains: Are the parents justified in tying continued residency to educational progress or immediate self-sufficiency, or does their son’s age and existing mental health support warrant a more flexible approach regarding his educational timeline?
Here’s how people reacted:
That said, it seems like you and your husband, and your son’s school have been very flexible and accommodating during this tough time. Seems like he isn’t interested in putting in his part. At the end of the day, he’s *seventeen*. He’s not thinking long term, and doesn’t have a concept of what it takes to live on his own. I was a big headed seventeen year old once too. I hope you give him some time to cool down and maybe talk about some options. But don’t think for one second that, being realistic with him is doing him a disservice. He needs to be told about the reality of adult life.
I get that he thinks this “influencer lifestyle” is glamorous, but it is not sustainable. If he doesn’t want to do college, the trades are awesome! They are hard work, and the pay is garbage as an apprentice, but it will pay off. My husband is a master electrician and makes more than me with two college degrees!
If your son does decide to drop out, six months is more than enough time to get his ducks in a row. Stand firm and do not back down.
However, NTA for telling him he needs to financially support himself when he says is plan is to drop out & become an “influencer”. Not that different than becoming a rock star — you need to be both extremely talented and extremely lucky while also working extremely hard to make ends meat doing it.
“Doesn’t want to work for other people?!” Shoot… Influencers work for their advertisers and their subscribers. My boss asks WAY less of me AND I get a paycheck every two weeks.
…AND as someone who has spent many years in marketing, most of the companies willing to do ANY business with “influencers” are not paying cash. I hope his landlord likes getting paid in diarrhea weight loss shakes and mail-order hair dye!
Again, NTA. And I’m sorry.
I struggle with judging you because I dropped out and I wish I would have been pushed to continue. I think it would be fair to insist on a clear plan to continue living with you. Whether it be school, apprentice program or even an influencer. Find out what steps he’s taken, his knowledge and if it seems feasible.
Adding because I guess it wasn’t clear with the second paragraph: GED at this time because he’s struggling, and then school, apprentice program, influencer (if it’s realistic and he’s serious). I’m not saying he gets his GED and retires at mom and dads house.
They’re all in-demand careers and can help him both develop a real world career *and* professional skills to develop a following in the competitive online world.
(Clarifying: I mean he should stay in school and work towards secondary education degrees in these fields.)
Ungrateful. He can make his own success if hes willing to throw away everything you’ve given to him and done for him.