In the quiet tension of a family lunch, the fragile balance shatters with a mother’s stubborn disregard, forcing a heartbreaking choice: to protect the one he loves or to maintain peace with his own blood. This story is a raw glimpse into the emotional struggle of standing up for what matters when understanding feels just out of reach.
My girlfriend and I have been together nearly 2 years now and have spent a bunch of get togethers with my family in that time. From the beginning, I told my parents that my girlfriend has a serious pork allergy.
Whenever a family occasion comes up that involves them cooking, I always remind them about the allergy because they always seem to forget (and my family seems to eat a lot of pork, go figure).
Last year at Christmas, my mom cooked the turkey with bacon layered on the top of it despite knowing about my girlfriend’s allergy, and my girlfriend couldn’t eat it.
So, since the holidays are coming up I reminded my mom a few weeks ago about the allergy. Today at lunch I was talking to my mom and brought up Christmas Day. She then says, “I’m cooking the turkey with bacon on top”.
I just looked at her and said “If you do that, (insert girlfriend’s name) won’t be able to eat it like last year”. Then she got all upset and says “Fine, I just won’t cook it with bacon like I had planned then” and I said, “You don’t have to do a whole separate plan” and she got pissed off and said “Good I won’t.” She then asked if my girlfriend can eat ham and I just looked at her incredulously and reminded her that no, she can’t, because ham is also pork.
She just huffed at that and walked away from the table and didn’t sit down again.
I feel hurt because I feel like there’s an inconsiderate aspect to this by both of my parents not keeping in mind my girlfriend’s allergy and me having to continually remind them. I’m mad because if I hadn’t said anything today, the turkey would have again been cooked with bacon on it and my girlfriend wouldn’t have been able to eat it, which I personally would find upsetting if I were in her shoes and it happened for a second year in a row.
I know this isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of life, but AITA for getting mad at them about this?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is clearly distressed by their parents’ repeated failure to respect their girlfriend’s serious pork allergy, feeling that they must constantly police their mother’s cooking choices. The central conflict arises from the parents’ apparent disregard for a known medical restriction versus the OP’s protective stance in enforcing necessary accommodations for their partner.
Is the OP justified in becoming angry when their mother intentionally planned to include pork products again despite prior incidents, or is the mother’s reaction to change her plans a reasonable response to feeling controlled or criticized?
Here’s how people reacted:
The lemonade, kool aid and tea was either strawberry or had fresh strawberries chopped inside. Their jelly spread? Strawberry. Their fruit platters? Strawberry. Cakes/dessert? Strawberry.
It made me very uncomfortable at first. Then became upset, angry, bitter. That’s when their evil genius plans backfired. I brought a crawfish meal to dinner, something his sister is allergic to. When they “reminded me” of her allergy, I told them
“I know, and we told the kids. So no hugs or kisses for nana or auntie until they’re ready to be cleaned up!”
My husband also made our littles their favorite treats so that they wouldn’t even be bothered with the devil fruit. We added nuts which his inlaws despise, so sadface… No treats for them either. They were pissed off but I bluntly reminded them I never acted insulted or pissed off, not even during the 3x I was sent to the hospital because of an allergic reaction at their house. They don’t take my allergies into consideration after 12 years, all bets are off. (Which makes me the petty asshole, but it’s fun so w/e)
INFO: What is wrong with this solution your mom presented? The convo seems to read:
Mom: I’m making turkey & bacon.
You: GF can’t eat bacon.
Mom: Okay, I’ll just make turkey without bacon,
You: No, you don’t need to.
I mean, what else was she gonna do? Make 2 turkeys? I get the rest of your concerns about how your family seems to constantly forget about your gf’s pork allergy, but I don’t get why you responded this way when presented with the most obvious solution. It went from, “Hey mom, stop forgetting GF’s allergy” to “Don’t bother trying because you’re obviously forgetting on purpose.”
Your mom is not stupid, she is intentionally trying to hurt the woman she sees as encroaching on her little boy.
You have several options, but the most realistic one is to start celebrating at home and not include your parents. You can easily cite that it is not safe for gf to eat your mother’s cooking because of her blatant disregard for her allergy.
You have given your mother two years to figure it out. Now you need to give her consequences.
They showed me through their actions that they wanted to include me. Your poor girlfriend. Good job standing up for her. Maybe go farther and just leave when they don’t accommodate her. No food for her = no you.
Regardless, NTA. Your mom should be more considerate. Good on you and your girlfriend for acting responsibly and respectfully. I’ve seen enough people on this subreddit blow their lids at this type of behavior. It’s nice to see you guys try and be civil about it.
Like she legit asked about ham after bacon was out…does she maybe genuinely not know those things are both porcine?
Or is she just be purposefully obtuse?
NTA
Maybe you guys should start hosting.
It does suck that your parents don’t consider her allergy but at least this way your mum can’t resent having to put in more effort?