But today, that fragile hope shatters. While she sacrifices her rest, he drifts further away, choosing the company of friends and games over the promises made. The Saturday they longed to share slips through their fingers, leaving her alone with the ache of unmet expectations and the cold sting of betrayal.
Me: nurse. Working 50ish hours a week in paediatric ICU. Cry at least once a week because that shit is hard. My salary pays our bills. All of them.
Husband: 25M. Has a degree but isn’t looking for a job. Works 2 days a week at the grocery store. Spends most of his time playing LoL.
Today was supposed to be A Good Day. I had been begging my husband to swap his Saturday shift to literally anything else so that we could have days off together. We haven’t had a weekend together since our wedding, 18mo ago.
Today was supposed to be our first Saturday off together. We were going to go to an animal sanctuary.
He starts the day by going to breakfast. With his best mate. Leaving before I even wake up. I wake up around 9 and realise he is not home. Call. He says he’s helping his mate set up some lights and that the weather is too rainy for the animal sanctuary anyway.
He gets home at 1ish. Lies around. Plays some video games, promising we would cook dinner together tonight.
Leaves again at 5 to help the same mate with something else.
I go grocery shopping. I don’t drive because of medical issues, but I walk there and back in the rain. I get home, realise I’ve left my keys inside. Call husband, knowing he’s 5min away.
He says he will leave in a minute. I sit in the rain and the cold (southern hemisphere). 45 min later, I call again. He hasn’t left yet. He finally agrees to come and let me in the house, so he drives up, presses the clicker to let me in the garage and leaves again.
At 10, I I called to see where he is. His friend answers. Says he is driving out to do something an hour away.
It’s 10.30. I am going to bed. I have sent him a txt that I am upset and don’t want to speak to him tonight and would rather he left me alone.
As far as I am concerned, if he can’t value me more than his best mate on the first day off he and I have shared in a year and a half, he can go sleep in his bed instead. (Btw, his friend doesn’t work, so they hang out all the time when I am at work).
He is going to be upset. And he is gonna tell his mate and his mate is going to tell him I’m being a bitch.
AITA
I am 26. We weren’t always like this. I don’t know what changed. I’m fairly confident he’s not having an affair. And I fully intend on talking this through, but at a time that isn’t 4am.
Also the crying: sick babies sometimes make me sad, and I love all my patients. That’s why I cry. And I don’t mean hours of sobbing. I mean stepping into a supply closet to take a moment before getting back to work.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is facing significant emotional distress due to a clear mismatch between her demanding professional life and her husband’s perceived lack of support and commitment to their shared time. Her actions, culminating in telling him to sleep elsewhere after he abandoned their planned day off, stem from feeling unvalued and betrayed after fulfilling all financial obligations for the household.
Is the OP justified in demanding that her husband leave the shared home for the night after he repeatedly prioritized his friend over their first planned shared day off in eighteen months, or did her reaction escalate a difficult situation beyond what is fair for a partner who is currently unemployed?
Here’s how people reacted:
* Why the heck are you with this childish and uncaring partner?
* Are you sure he’s not fucking someone else and using “best mate” as a cover? Because his actions how he sure as hell doesn’t want to spend quality time with his wife.
Yeah.. NTA!
Edit: OP, you also have to realize it’s not accident you spend as little time together as you do. He actually prefers spending time with others while you financially support the household.
Does he do chores? Run errands? Anything to help his partner’s day be a bit easier? Does he even enjoy being around you?
NTA
Edit: After some thinking I realized I was wrong. The husband is also an asshole. Changed to ESH
Or don’t. And decide you want to years down the road. And by then you have to pay him alimony due to the length of marriage.
You deserve someone who prioritizes you.
NTA
I’d ban him for more than one night! What kind of thoughtless behaviour! Sounds like there are bigger issues surrounding his job too. Have you spoke to him about finding a full time job? It’s not fair that he’s not pulling his weight.
INFO: Is this the first time occurring? Or has he got a history of petty shit like this?