Okay in principle obviously you should have put the groceries away. Duh.

This really masks the much greater issue. Why the hell are you two going to holy war over groceries?

Why is it important that he take the obvious step of avoiding putting away the groceries. It’s like he’s trying to send a message. But if he’s got a message to send he should be sending it in words.

He knew if he didn’t put away the groceries you would say something about it. But he did it anyway. So he wanted to start a fight. Why? That’s the big question.
You knew if you didn’t put them away it would extend the fight. I think your motives are a little more obvious here. But neither of you is backing down. Both of you are being provocative to a degree. I mean did somebody sleep with somebody’s sister or something and they’re not telling? What is the big issue that you two are going out of your way to not raise?

Because somebody’s really pissed about something and it’s not groceries.

In my opinion, this is an example where even if you’re right, you’re wrong.

Both of you took actions that contributed a bit of damage to your relationship over a few bags of groceries. No matter what story you tell yourself or tell others, it comes down to nothing more than putting away some groceries.

Sure, you can feel disrespected, or undervalued, or unappreciated, or whatever. So can he.

OR … you can realize that what’s best for your marriage is to just sometimes allow yourself to be inconvenienced so that your partner can have their moment for whatever reason and choose to save yourself for the battles that are worth fighting.

The Everyone Sucks and You’re the AH people are hella reaching to defend this man who’s too goddamn lazy to put groceries away and it’d be hilarious is they weren’t so damn insane. Like if this was a premade decision for you guys as a couple to split putting groceries away, that’d be one thing. But this is just pure, unadulterated laziness. He’s an adult. This is house too, his kitchen. He knows where to put shit away. That’s just stupidly petty to put away the cold items and leave everything else on the floor. NTA but if he’s this petty to ignore them too, what’s the point in even staying with a guy like that?

Is this a common thing?

Also his comment “it’s always something.” gives me the impression there is more going on with the two of you.

Right now I cannot tell if your husband is being lazy since he came home, then went back to pick you up or if you are just being petty here.

So I am holding off on my AH.

Also, becareful of the comments which are already telling you how you deserve better and to leave him. You’ve only shared what looks to me something very minor and there are people telling you how terrible your husband is.

The groceries are the tip of the iceberg here. I don’t know why he didn’t put them away. That makes zero sense???

Refusing to put them up -yep -you’re within your rights in this ridiculous stand off …. BUT … if you want to work this out I’d advise trying to calm down and have a serious conversation about what helping out looks like.

Good luck either way

There was an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Raymond left his suitcase on the stairs thinking that his wife would put it away. She did not. It was actually a true life story from the show producer Philip Rosenthal. In comedy land, things ended happily ever after. I hope you two work it out.

I’ll often put cold stuff away and leave the non refrigerated out while I attend to something not important. And either I come back later or my wife will put them away. Its everyone’s job. It doesnt sound like the husband was refusing to do it, and there’s no mention of what he was doing otherwise.

You both got bigger issues going on in the background. Also you hate your in laws and can’t wait for them to die? and considering a post that you made “newborns suck universally.” I think you need to provide more context as to why you both are fighting over something like groceries

If you and your husband are at the point where you were both playing a game of chicken to see who will do a chore, then you clearly have larger problems. You need to find a way to start working things out. You could also find a counselor to help you.

Don’t freaking touch them. Seriously, he is testing your boundaries. If you take care of this then it’s something else, etc. etc. etc.

Let him know through your actions that him half assing will not fly. He needs to be a full adult.

The groceries have become the victims in the issues in your relationship so just put them all away and arrange a marital counselling session where you can discuss and sort out what the really important issues are.

What? That’s super petty of him to turn it around on you. He’s a grown man, he shouldn’t need to be told to put things away. It’s his house, his food, too. He, too, needs to be responsible for it all.

NTA

NTA – firstly what a lazy sod, secondly what kind of asshole does well less than half a job and thinks it’s ok my wife will do the rest? It’s uncaring, it’s unkind and it’s straight up fucking bullshit.

Up where? I must know, when one of you finally puts the groceries up, where is this “up” you’re putting them? Will they ever come back down? Can everyone reach them up there?

NTA. He’s a lazy and inconsiderate…sorry to say. He’s so pathetic he couldn’t even put away the groceries…just the cold stuff…like wtf??!!! Yeah, you sure got a winner there.

NTA Uh why did he not just put them away? Sounds as if you all have much larger problems going on if you’re playing this dumb game with each other. Why are you together?

If my husband told me to fuck off in this way I’d have to be gone. My self esteem is too high to let someone treat me like shit.

NTA but don’t put up with all of this

YTA. He did his half, put the cold ones in place. Just put the other ones away.

I like when both partners do half. No need to make the drama about every little thing.

NTA. Leaving groceries on the floor is just lazy level 100. Why do half a job and call it a day? 🙄 You’re not his personal shopper to be putting things away too.

There’s no way this is a solitary event.. more details please. Because healthy couples don’t unravel like this over some damn groceries…

Who would put them away if he lived alone?

Marriage isn’t about perfectly sharing chores. It’s about being a fucking adult.

Was this a once off thing, or is this a regular occurrence? What’s the division of labour and free time usually like?

ESH

Grow up and put away the groceries.

Also, I love you claim he doesn’t help but he cleaned up after dinner.

NTA. Don’t touch the groceries. It’s like he expected you to put the groceries away.

NTA.

It wouldn’t have taken much more effort for him to put all the groceries away.

This is… “Tell me you don’t have dogs without telling me you don’t have dogs.”

What else do y’all fight about? I’m sure there’s more to this

NTA! This is coming across like he thinks it’s your job.

There was an Everybody Loves Raymond episode about this.

I am so glad I’m single. This is another reason to be.

This clearly is about much more than the groceries 😬

Groceries are definitely not the real issue here…

Does your husband know where everything goes?

Nta. But I’m sure he doesn’t like you at all

Does he pay all the bills and do you work ?

No he’s def the asshole. Leave em out there

NTA – weaponized incompetence. He’s an AH.