When the inevitable breakup finally came, it brought no relief, only a haunting silence where chaos once reigned. The family’s cautious hope clings to the fragile promise of peace, yet the shadow of Lana’s influence lingers, a reminder that sometimes escaping a toxic bond is only the beginning of a deeper struggle.
My (39M) son (17M) Bryce dated our neighbor Lana (17F) for a year, they broke up mid Jan for reasons I don’t know. I won’t sugarcoat this, I never liked Lana, she always seem a little unhinged, controlling and aggressive, she’s always demanding Bryce’s attention and there were quite a few times when she showed up on our house our of nowhere (whether it was 7am or 11pm) because Bryce wasn’t answering his phone, screaming and calling him a cheater when it wasn’t like that.
The thought of our son getting abused by his gf made us worried so much.
My wife and I tried to talk him out of that relationship, we said how that it wasn’t normal nor healthy, we didn’t want to force the break up because we feared Lana would lash out to him so we tried to do it in an sneaky way, we don’t know if it worked but they ended up breaking up.
He said that after he broke up with her Lana didn’t contacted him which was weird because he expected her to go nuts but I told him that if fate didn’t gave him shit he better not tease it.
Now the problem is that we bought my son a car for Christmas, nothing fancy but enough to get him to school, his job and eventually college, he parks it in our driveway outside our home.
Ever since the month began we had been founding scratches all over the car, we know Lana was doing it but since it was minimal my son decided to not do anything even if we could prove that it was her (we’ve CCTV).
Still, something smell bad for me so I decided to switch one of the cameras facing his car directly just in case.
Well, two weeks ago we got up and we found my son’s car covered in a lot of shit: paint, glue, feathers, confetti, the door handles were wrecked, flat tires, paint all over the windows, you get the picture, Bryce and my wife were so distraught.
We called the police and I handled them the CCTV that showed Lana and her brother (23M) destroying my son’s car. We pressed charges and needles to say, Lana’s brother went straight to jail, but since she’s still a minor her parents want to make a deal but I refused.
I don’t think she should get a way out, before the police was here she was laughing her ass off and she tried to play it cool, if she thought this was funny then she’s old enough to face the consequences.
My wife and I want to stand our ground, they said they’ll buy my son a better car and put Lana on therapy but is not enough. AITA?
Conclusion
The father (OP) experienced significant relief when his son’s concerning relationship ended, but this relief turned into anger and decisive action when the ex-girlfriend allegedly engaged in severe property destruction targeting his son’s new car. The core conflict lies between the parents’ desire to hold the ex-girlfriend fully accountable for the criminal damage and the ex-girlfriend’s parents’ offer of restitution, which the OP firmly rejects based on the severity of the act and the apparent lack of remorse shown by the girl.
Given the clear evidence of vandalism involving both minors and the escalation from suspected minor damage to extensive destruction, should the parents pursue criminal charges against the 17-year-old ex-girlfriend despite the offer of compensation and therapy, or is accepting the restitution a more pragmatic resolution to the situation?
Here’s how people reacted:
She’s 17, almost 18. Close enough. She is PLENTY old enough to understand the wrong in her actions and that she should have handled it more maturely, not mention her relationship with your son. She vandalized your guys property in a retaliatory act and it IS a crime, regardless of whether or not she’s a minor.
She’s obviously messed up now – maybe this will help straighten her out going forward. Definitely press charges and do not let anyone else influence you on that. Would letting her walk free make you feel better about having to get his car repaired? Not to mention the extraordinary cost of replacing tires, removing paint / repainting, etcetera…
As someone who is very protective of my property, that would irritate me to new levels.
You’re definitely NTA. Her parents don’t seem to understand the importance of teaching actions have consequences, so someone else like the authorities apparently has to teach her.
Pressing charges won’t help her get off her bullshit and won’t help your son get a car. What’s the point, other than pettiness and a sense that she deserves it?
NTA
If you file charges against her, the DA may be able to get her the help she needs and you or your insurance company can sue her parents for the car. There’s no either or.