On the day of his big presentation, a chance to shine and share his creativity, George’s hope was crushed by a rigid teacher’s ultimatum. What should have been a proud moment turned into a painful reminder that understanding and kindness are sometimes harder to find than success.
My son “George” just turned 13 this month.
George is very bright, projected to get 8s or 9s in his GCSEs, and regularly achieves these grades in his mock exams and assessments. But he struggles socially and has been bullied badly in the past.
Things are better now, but he isn’t popular.
As part of his PD class, he had to create a children’s toy and give a sales pitch to the class. Last Friday was the presentation day, and George was really excited. He’d put a lot of effort into his toy and the presentation.
But I got a notification saying George had been given a C3 (after-school detention), something he’s never received before. As he’d refused to participate in class and didn’t do his presentation.
When I picked him up, I could tell immediately that he was upset.
I asked him what happened and why he didn’t do the presentation. He said he didn’t refuse the presentation; when it was his turn, he asked to go later. His teacher said no, and that he had to do it then or get a C3.
George said he “couldn’t do it now,” but didn’t explain further when asked, so he was given the C3.
I kept pressing him, worried that maybe he was being bullied again. Eventually, he told me the real reason: he had a random erection just before his turn and, no matter what, it “wouldn’t go down”.
With that info, I think George’s request was perfectly reasonable. He didn’t refuse to do the presentation—he simply asked to do it a little later. Obviously, he didn’t want to explain the reason in front of the whole class when the teacher asked him.
His mum was really angry with him for getting the C3. I explained what happened and said I didn’t think George was wrong. I said I’m not supporting the detention and would pick him up at the normal time.
When I told his mum what happened, she looked disgusted and said something like, “Why did he even have one in class to begin with?” I explained that random erections happen, especially in early puberty, and they don’t always relate to sexual thoughts, which is what she was assuming.
She replied, “Well, I’m not sure that’s true,” dismissing what I said. So I told her, “You might not be sure, but I am.”
She insisted we needed to present a united front, along with the school, and that by going against her, I was sending George the wrong message. I asked why her way of handling it was automatically right and why I should be the one to concede.
It escalated into a big argument, which we haven’t had in years.
Her saying she is going to punish him for refusing when it’s her week with him next week and that I am being an AH for “going against her”. Her mother text me saying I was setting a bad example for George by letting him get away with being disrespectful to his teacher.
Which he wasn’t even, just asked to do his presentation later. I respectfully told her she should mind her own business, and that George was my son.
But now I’m worrying whether I’ve done the right thing, and I need some outside perspectives.
Conclusion
The Original Poster (OP) experienced a significant conflict with their spouse after supporting their 13-year-old son, George, who received detention for asking to postpone a class presentation due to an unexpected physical issue. The central conflict lies between the OP’s validation of George’s sensitive need for privacy and flexibility versus the spouse’s insistence on maintaining strict adherence to school rules and presenting a united, punitive front.
Given the context—a vulnerable adolescent dealing with a normal but embarrassing pubertal event—was the OP correct to prioritize their son’s immediate emotional well-being and validate his request, even if it meant contradicting the school’s immediate directive and the spouse’s disciplinary stance? Or should the primary message conveyed to George have been absolute compliance with authority figures, regardless of private circumstances?
Here’s how people reacted:
I’d talk to the school, though. George will get in more trouble if he simply misses his detention due to you picking him up at his normal time. Go to the school and talk to them about what happened in class that day, get both sides of the story. If it becomes clear that George left something out and the punishment is warranted, stand with the school on the detention. If it’s clear George is telling the truth, and he likely is, then let the school know George won’t be attending a detention for simply requesting to do his presentation later, and he won’t be doing any further punishments related to that issue or for missing punishments relating to that issue.
I’d also have a talk with George, if you haven’t already, about how his body works going through puberty, and assure him that random erections are completely natural. If you’ve had that talk already, just go over it a little again and reassure him it’s all natural, cause who the hell knows what his ignorant mother is teaching him about natural bodily functions and reactions. Warn him about his mother’s insistence on punishment, as well, and assure him you don’t agree with it, and he can talk to you if she’s too much.
Puberty is a hard (no pun intended) time in a kid’s like and having a random erection in class does not help. Your wife may need a lesson in biology from the male perspective. Unless she is a MD how would she know what happens in the male body at that age? Everyone talks about the big stuff but there are lots of little things that go on at random times. Puberty can be interesting for some kids.
Kudos to you for supporting your son in what is otherwise an embarassing moment he tried his best to avoid and hopefully he doesn’t feel ashamed for what he had no control over. It happens just like the need to sneeze at an inopportune moment. You may need to sit your wife down and have an honest discussion from the male point of view on puberty. Just like you may not know everything that goes on with women in puberty, she may not know.
I may still reach out to the teacher and explain the situation. He wasnt being disrepectful, just trying to avoid the shame and bullying that would have been bound to come if he did his presentation right then.
I understand your POV and your son’s. I mean, going in front of a whole class with an erection sounds like the stuff of nightmares.
I also understand the teacher. If she were to altering the order, no one would ever go next. Public speaking is one of the most reported fears, after all.
I think your wife is not being very understandable. She is also most blaming him, which adds unnecessary issues to what is at its core a silly issue.
But your kid does need to punished as far as the school is concerned or else it opens a precedence and lack of discipline. All you and your wife had to do was show some understanding towards him, explain the school’s perspective and explain that in the global perspective of things a bad mark is irrelevant in the entirety of a an academic resume. Maybe talk to the school and just get him off with a slap on the wrist.
1. Don’t talk the kids teacher he had an erection. Jesus, if he was too embarrassed to stand up would be comfortable with you discussing that with them?
2. I know you think your kid is an angel but it’s possible there are more behavioural or lack of participation issues that lead to this outcome. Sometimes it’s not one thing
3. Perhaps the mother has a reason to believe your son didn’t want to participate in the class and that why she didn’t believe the story. Sounds like you both prefer to argue than talk.
4. No matter the reason or how good the reason he still refused to participate en they can have consequences.
And aside, bots and girls have issues around puberty at this age. Imagine if the entire class of boys had erections and all the girls had hard nipples, should the teacher just schedule presentations for another day?
I don’t think George should be punished. He already got the low grade. That’s enough of a punishment. I don’t know why they also added on detention, but wife also wanting to add on to that is kind of overkill, I think.
NTA.
Sounds like the ex has some sexual hang ups and is equating the random erection with some kind of deviance or perversion, which it absolutely is not. That thinking needs to be corrected before it infects the boys. It could cause lasting psychological harm if left unchecked.
And to take it a step further, that she thinks your son is what, sexually daydreaming on the day of a presentation? A son that (according to this post at least) is an otherwise model student?
NTA but his mom sure is and she needs to get a grip quick or she’ll have a terrible relationship with her son in the future.
Your wife is wrong and should learn to listen more.
That would’ve caused long term psychological issues, and potentially sexual issues for life. You’re doing the right thing.
Let his mom punish him, but stand up for him. He’ll grow to respect you more for being fair and having his back when no one else would.
They happen, in high school one of the kids in another class got a random errection that he didn’t manage to hide during sex ed. The entire school year heard about it and he got teased a lot. Luckily for him he was well liked and it died down quickly. I wouldn’t wish that situation on anyone.
Ask your son’s mother if it would be fair to give detention to a girl for asking to do her presentation later due to starting her period.
I am childfree and even I know you’re right. How any mother could be so uneducated?