Following this, the daughter expressed concerns that the OP’s fiancée seems to dislike her, citing instances where the fiancée dismissed her attempts to share news or called her chatty. This led the OP to arrange for their daughter to stay elsewhere to have a serious discussion with the fiancée, leaving the OP questioning the foundation of the relationship.
I did get the cupcake, but my daughter’s best friend didn’t come to school. I texted his dad to see if it was okay to drop it off at their place, and he said absolutely. My daughter was really happy.
On the way back, she apologized for being mean in the morning.
I told her I understood. She had every right to be heartbroken. Then she asked, “Does your fiancée hate me?”
I told her no, she’s just disappointed in me, but that’s grown-up stuff and has nothing to do with her.
That led to a deeper conversation. She said she feels like my fiancée doesn’t like her sometimes. She never asks about her soccer games, and when she tries to share something exciting from school, my fiancée tells her to stop being so chatty.
I asked if she was maybe busy or in the middle of something, but my daughter said no. After a few times, she just stopped sharing.
I asked if she wanted to stay at my parents’ house for the night so I could have a serious talk with my fiancée.
She said yes. My mom and her are very close.
So I talked to my fiancée. She said she’s sick of coming second and that it was just a stupid cupcake. She said I should have told her it was for the baby.
I asked, “What if our child wanted the cupcake, would you have given it to her?” She said, “A three or four-year-old? Yes, in a heartbeat. A 13 or 14-year-old can get over herself.”
I asked if she’s always resented my daughter.
She said, “I never resented her, but you can’t possibly expect me to love her as much as our child. I’ll love yours like a niece, but my baby is my baby.”
Then I asked if she had actually called my daughter names when she was trying to talk.
She admitted to calling her Yapathrone and Little Miss Has No Mute Button. She thought it was cute.
I told her I can’t marry someone who bullies my child. She lost it, saying she doesn’t even feel safe around my daughter anymore.
That she’s going to hurt her and the baby just because she said she hated us this morning and I stood there like a coward.
She left for her parents’ house and said she’s going to ban me from any appointments, the birth, and even seeing the baby.
I’ll be talking to a lawyer about what my next steps should be.
Conclusion
The central conflict involves the OP prioritizing their daughter’s emotional needs and defending her against the fiancée’s admitted bullying, which has now escalated to the fiancée threatening to leave and sever contact with the OP and their future child.
The dilemma centers on whether the OP’s firm stance against the fiancée’s bullying of their child justifies ending the engagement, or if the fiancée’s feelings of being secondary in the relationship warrant a different approach; what steps should the OP take now that the fiancée has set severe conditions regarding contact with the baby?
Here’s how people reacted:
Our daughter came to us through foster care and I’m currently pregnant. I cannot in any universe imagine saying or feeling that I love her like a niece but not like the baby I’m carrying. She might not be ours biologically, but we love her and treat her like she is.
I mean, hearing a grown-ass woman say she ate a cupcake “for the baby” is laughable. However everything else that came out of her mouth is just heartbreaking.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your daughter. However, I can guarantee you that your daughter will remember ALWAYS that you showed up for her in all the ways it counts.
Keep on being a fantastic dad.
That poor girl has had it rough. I hope you give her all the hugs and kind words and uplifting support that she needs; this is prime time for a child to start blaming themselves for relationship woes that they don’t fully understand. She knows that she is at the center of it, but does she understand that you are protecting her?
NTA on protecting your daughter now.
However, you brought this woman into your daughter’s house. I don’t get the sense you paid much attention to how they really felt about each other. That woman is clearly a nasty piece of work and you had no idea she was awful to your daughter.
Next time, don’t have women live with you or impregnate them before you are 100% sure they are not resentful pieces of sh\*t
Your daughter has been through so much already. I do hope you can both move on together peacefully. I strongly recommend your daughter talk to a therapist or you get a family therapist, to navigate the crazy toxic ex.
My gawd that woman is evil.
Yeah and get a paternity test. She left so quick there was no attachment there at all, she was only in it for your doting attention. The moment you put your daughter first she threw a fit and left.
Enjoy re bonding with your daughter.
Go talk to that lawyer asap. She’ll make your life miserable about seeing your baby, so you need to know your legal rights.
Having children with crazy bitches is no way to go through life.
Instead of having both your kids suffer with that monster, now only one will.
That shared custody will ensure this woman is somehow in your life for decades to come.
YTA.
This isn’t over. Track what she says. If you can, confirm her words to you over text. She’s going to keep you from the baby.
Well that completely fulfilled my prediction from the last post 😐
I don’t understand why people get involved with a single parent if they can’t love the child enthusiastically.
Sorry.
Good luck with the lawyer.