NTA. I would gaslight the phuck out of her and tell her she has taught me that if I want a day to myself then I must keep it to myself. It’s not like you went out of town and weren’t ready at a moment’s notice if an emergency was to happen.
Or you can take baby steps and call her at lunch and casually mention You’re going to blah blah’s for lunch. Does she want you to pick up anything and drop it off to her? (if she is reasonably close. Don’t go out of your way).
Advocate for yourself like speak up and say yeah that doesn’t work for me. I made other plans or no. I took this day off because I really just wanted to rest up and relax. It’s like you’re being punished for using this time that you earned if she wants to be so regimented and have every minute of the day scheduled. That’s her prerogative but you should be able to do what you want on your day off without her saying well. If you’re going to stay home you’re going to do x y and z. “No I’m staying home because I don’t want to do anything. If I wanted to do something I would go to work”

This one may be a reach. But I think the wife may be resentful towards OP having days off because they aren’t even. While she’s thinking for her entire family and having her’s, kids and partner’s schedules to work around, she has so much going on in the brain. Constantly thinking. Constantly doing things all year round to have 17 work free days just to focus then on kids and holiday season activities. If OP had things like whatever the 6 hour job was in his mental load and didn’t have to be prompted/asked to do things in his own home, then taking days off here and there could be less of an issue. Seems like to the wife OP isn’t carrying his weight in their relationship. Where is her break?? When are her days off to do nothing?? Are her days off filled with doing house stuff and looking after kids? It seems like everyday she knows OP will be home she’s either asking for some help or resentful because she doesn’t get a fucking break????

Kind of torn on this one. I do feel like we are still individuals and owed some level of privacy. I don’t tell my husband every detail of everything. I’m also not hiding. I can see how she would be grumpy that you didn’t tell her. But I think it’s very reasonable for you to explain to her that often she ends up tasking you with things to do on your days off and that’s not what your PTO time is for. Set the boundaries and be firm. Tell her you will be honest with her about the next ones, but you won’t allow her to impose anything on you during that time. Period, end of story non-negotiable.

YTA.

You need to have open communication and should not have kept the day off a secret.

Since you have more time off, does the school always call you to get the kids when they are sick? Do you always stay home with them on school holidays? Do you attend all their events? Leave work early to take them to activities?

I bet not. Maybe look for ways that most of your extra time off benefits the whole family and I bet she won’t get as pissy over a day or two playing video games.

NTA.

Women can’t tolerate seeing a man relaxing. Yes, there’s always something that needs to be done. But not everything needs to be done RIGHT NOW.

You earned your PTO. It’s yours, not hers. Just keep it to yourself.

These other comments of “good communication is essential” and “honesty is the best policy” have clearly never been married, nor probably in any kind of serious relationship. She doesn’t need to know your every movement and where/how you spend your free time.

YTA. If you want a break, that’s fine. Just say “I’m taking a day off from work to just do literally nothing”. If you are doing nothing when you get off from work anyway, then double YTA. However if you help all evening and weekend with chores and kids and whatnot, you deserve a break but need to work on your communication. 

To everyone else here saying NTA, you guys suck at communication too. 

Take the day off and tell her how you plan to spend it! Make it a closed door to suggestions, and feel good about it! She would be TA if she tried to sabotage it “ I’m taking next Friday off and I’m psyched! I’m gonna work out with a buddy,checkout that one place and just play video games” it’s so much of a wasted day to her. I would laugh at my husband and really hoped he had a good day!

I don’t think you’re necessarily the ah, but I also don’t think it’s worth hiding stuff like these..even if it seems harmless. Be open with her and communicate that your day off is your day off. Set boundaries of what you’re willing to do if she needs something but make it known you’d like your time..just make sure it’s fair for the both of you. Don’t throw everything on her.

Obviously it’s not your fault that you have the double the PTO than her, but that means you get “me” days and she most likely hasn’t had a day to herself since your kid was born. Pick a Saturday a month where you take your kid some where and she can do whatever she wants and you’ll both get the same amount of time alone for a me day.

My husband used to schedule things on my days off. It was always something super inconvenient, early morning, long errands, waiting for the service tech to arrive between 8am-noon, etc. He does not do this anymore, but only because I sat him down and used my words. I totally get your frustration. NTA

YTA lol. I think your wife also wants to sit on her ass for 4 hours doing absolutely nothing or some dumb shit like playing video games, but she cannot afford it because her fucking husband doesn’t do a shit. You deserve days off completely free of chores only after you let your wife have hers.

I don’t think secrecy is the best way. Tell her when you take a day off and set boundaries. Don’t let your wife volunteer you to help her mom etc. it’s not your fault you got more pto, but it will be your fault if you don’t communicate with her properly – NTA

Been married for 37 years
Just recently did this. Had a doctors appointment on wed she knew about. Took thursday and friday off as a mini bacation. She found out but didn’t really reCt. Guess that’s how you know they either trust you or don’t care.

NTA Since she’s clearly sabotaging your days off don’t tell her. She was mad you had a good day off when she found out. Thats wild. You need to hash this out with her and ask her why she can’t be happy you had a good day? That’s messed up.

Next time you tell her you have a day off, if she asks/tells you to done something, either just say “No, this is my day OFF,” or tell her that you’ll just have to take a second day off to recover from your chores day.

NTA

are you sure this is sabotage or are there just constantly things that need to be done as a part of being alive that your wife is keeping track of that you don’t? Who would manage these chores if you had not done them?

The foundation of a good relationship is good communication. If you are having trouble communicating that this is important to you, work on that in your relationship, don’t find shortcuts and communicate less.

NTA. Your going to have to be upfront with her and tell her how you feel about her antics. If she doesn’t respond well you might have to continue to sneak days off or just get used to doing her demands.

NTA

You wife has seen this classic exchange somewhere before:

Woman: My husband is sitting on the front porch enjoying a nice quiet time.

Woman’s mother: Well, you need to put a stop to that.

How much me time does she get dude?…..or are all her spare hours taken up with all these chores such as looking after your kids….among everything else??
Asking for a friend

NTA but grow a spine and say no to her. Tell her those days are for you not her to decide what to do with it. She is jealous and you are just enabling her.

Since you have more days off than her, do you use any of those extra days to benefit the family? Does she take any days off to benefit the family?

This hits home, if my ex knew I had a day off whilst she was at work she would magically find an “urgent” job.

Yet another reason she is an ex.

Your wife is being unfair – this is likely spilling into other areas of your shared life – get some help for you guys to be kinder to each other

Does your wife ever get to use her PTO days for a ‘her day’? Or does she always end up doing stuff for or with your family on those days?

Poor you, your kid is sick, and instead of forcing him to suffer at school, you have to parent. YTA. I don’t care about anything else.

a couple ways of thinking about this.

Is the workload in your relationship fairly equal?

How would you feel if roles were reversed?

She’s jealous that you get time to yourself and she doesn’t. I’ve been there. She won’t admit it but that’s what it is. Good luck

NTA. Had she done the same and you said anything about it, everyone would call you the villain here..enjoy the time off..

ESH Take your PTO and tell her no when she volunteers you to do projects for others. You earned your time off.

Sorry but this is hilarious lol. I don’t think it’s bad; you just want peace 

Everyone sucks here. You all need much,much better communication.

You have the right to have days for yourself, but secretly 🤷why?

NTA. But did you figure out how to not get caught next time?

This is just like that Malcolm in the middle episode

Sounds like you need PTO from your controlling wife.

“Lies keep relationships together” – Sam Kinison

YTA for lying to your wife and keeping secrets

INFO: does she get “me only” PTO days?