When she sought guidance about something deeply intimate and vital to her well-being, she encountered indifference instead of empathy. In that moment, the vulnerability of impending motherhood collided with the cold rigidity of a system that seemed unwilling to honor her voice or her body.
I’m having my first baby soon and my obgyn is on vacation. I tried to make sure I had all my questions asked before she went but something came up this week and I figured I would just ask the on call doc.
When I got to the clinic for my checkup the nurse came in and after the usual I asked if I could talk to the on call doctor. She said they were running behind and might not be able to see me today so she asked me what the problem was and said she could help or determine if I really needed to talk to the doc.
Also worth noting maybe I don’t remember ever talking with this nurse previous.
I asked her what I should do about my CHP (which is an NSFW area piercing I’ve had for 6+ years.) she looked at me blankly so I elaborated. She then kind of rolled her eyes and told me that she wasn’t getting the on call doctor to ask about that and I would need to figure out what to do with my body jewelry on my own.
I told her I would really like to get the docs take on it so I was going to need her to ask or let me talk to the doctor. She went on the computer for a minute and typed a bit and then said that I need to just take it out and that’s what the clinic protocol said.
I asked her if I could put a retainer in to keep it safe to replace it after birth and she told me I should take the opportunity to “let go of trashy piercings and leave it since I was becoming a mom.” I was SHOCKED.
When I told my friends about it most of them were shocked too, but another friend who is studying to be a nurse said it was rude of me to make her uncomfortable and would be wrong of me to report her or anything because it’s not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation which is something that happens too often to medical workers.
With that context I started wondering if I was the asshole, should I have called my piercer instead was I out of line asking her such a personal question and pressing for an answer when she clearly didn’t approve?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) faced an unexpected and highly judgmental response from a nurse regarding a personal medical question about a body piercing during pregnancy. The OP felt entitled to professional medical advice from the clinic staff they were visiting, leading to a conflict when the nurse refused to relay the question and instead offered unsolicited personal criticism about the piercing itself.
Was the OP justified in pressing the clinic staff for a medical opinion on their pre-existing body piercing, or did the nurse have a right to refuse to relay the information and express their personal disapproval? The core question remains whether a patient’s right to obtain specific medical guidance outweighs a healthcare worker’s personal discomfort or perceived boundary regarding sensitive topics.
Here’s how people reacted:
I am so angry and upset that you were treated this way!!!
For context: I dress VERY conservatively, I have ZERO piercings, no tattoos.
That nurse had ABSOLUTELY NO RIGHT to speak to you that way!!! OR say those things to you!!!
The very fact that she REFUSED to let you speak to the doctor on call – even tho it IS busy – she had absolutely NO RIGHT to do that!
You are pregnant with your first child.
Congratulations 💜 You’ll be an AWESOME Mom!
You have every right to ask ANY questions you want about the pregnancy, your piercings, ANYTHING. That is your RIGHT to receive non-judgmental Medical Care in your Doctor’s Office!!!!
I am so angry you were treated this way.
You need to let your doctor know this and how that nurse treated you (AND probably how she treats other patients) is absolutely unacceptable!
You deserve to be R E S P E CT E D when you walk through those doors. My own Doctors would NEVER have allowed one of their nurses to treat a patient this way!
Edit: ask your piercer what they think, as they’ve certainly encountered this before? You can’t be the only pregnant woman to have this question. Is there somewhere you could post – is there a Reddit for pregnancy questions – maybe another Mom that has the same type of piercing will be able to tell you? 💜
Edited again: your friend is an idiot. You did NOT violate the Nurse’s consent. She asked you specifically where the piercing was. You explained. If she couldn’t handle that – that’s HER issue. She STILL needs to maintain her Professionalism and make sure that your questions are appropriately answered!
Sorry! Another Edit!!! I know I’m not your Mom but if you Google:
CHP Piercing and Pregnancy Birth
a lot of medical websites come up. I didn’t read much of it as it doesn’t pertain to me, but there is a lot of info there.
May I suggest reading over the actual medical sites and see what info you can find💜
Please talk to your Doctor about that AWFUL Nurse tho!!!💜
Congratulations again on your Pregnancy 💜
A nurse can and will get asked damn near anything. You’ve gotta develop that poker face and learn how to set your patient at ease when you get a shocking question because they are trusting you at their most vulnerable in that moment and that’s a precious gift.
I’ll never forget in my very first job as a brand new nurse, I was chaperoning a male doc on a pelvic exam and the woman had several piercings thru her labia minora with rings thru them, and a little silver chain and lock connecting them that her boyfriend carried the key for. Shocked the hell outta me! The bf stepped out during the actual exam so we could talk to her and make sure she was safe and everything was consensual, which it was, and I learned what a D/s relationship was that day. (God I was so innocent! Now a patient could come in with a dildo in every orifice and it wouldn’t faze me, LOL!)
Pressuring the nurse was not OK. It’s not a great idea to push people outside their comfort zone.
The nurse should have been way more professional. What she said to you was also not OK.
ESH
I’ve had the same piercing. Kept it in until I was in labour.
My nurse asked my family in the room to leave to place a catheter. Told me I would need to remove it incase of surgery if something went wrong. She had a container for me to place it in. She even removed it for me because my stomach was too big. Said she didn’t want to say anything in front of my in-laws lol.
I put it back in the day after giving birth.
FILE A COMPLAINT OR REPORT THE NURSE YOU HAD!
Umm. That’s not how any of this works. If you don’t want to hear about body parts, don’t work in the medical field?
NTA. Your question was totally reasonable. And she sucks for implying that a piercing is somehow “inappropriate” for a mother to have.
>it’s not her job to have to listen to unsolicited information about “kinky stuff” and I was violating her consent in that conversation
You have a question that you want answered and she’s refusing. IDGAF about her “consent” – if something bad happens to a patient because a health care provider refuses to provide health care, that’s a lawsuit. If a health care provider is unwilling to provide healthcare, they need to find a new job.
Her behavior was unprofessional, at the least. You might consider letting your doc know what happened.
Also, talking to your piercer is a good idea, but not a substitute for you doctor.
On top of that, her response was entirely put of line. She has no right to make a moral judgment on someone asking MEDICAL ADVICE. Which is a legitimate question, as there isn’t a lot of information in the open on these issues.
Report her, absolutely.
NTA.
She is a literal OB/GYN nurse. She shouldn’t have to listen about things involving sex or kinky stuff? That is the majority of her job. How does the nurse (or your friend) think most of those babies are made lol?
You did nothing wrong. Report the nurse.
> another friend **who is studying to be a nurse** said it was rude of me to make her uncomfortable
Something tells me this career may not pan out.