AITAH telling Sil my kids will follow my rules on vacation not her “rules”

Tension simmered beneath the surface of what should have been a joyful family vacation, as the narrator’s perfect plan clashed with the rigid rules imposed by her sister-in-law. The struggle to balance her children’s preferences with the delicate needs of others revealed the fragile fault lines in their blended family dynamic, where every decision became a test of patience and understanding.

Amid the backdrop of impending meals and unspoken expectations, the narrator’s quiet frustration grew, burdened by the weight of navigating allergies, behavioral challenges, and conflicting demands. The promise of a peaceful holiday hung in the balance, as love and resentment intertwined in the struggle to find harmony within the chaos.

AITAH telling Sil my kids will follow my rules on vacation not her "rules"

So my family me f38 hubby m38 son 12 and daughter 10 will be joining husband’s family on vacation. We have vacationed with this group before and it goes well except for my sil. She is a narcissist and expects me to follow her rules with my kids so her kids don’t melt down.

Like no snacking 2 hrs or less before a meal. Only water with meals. Stuff like that. Her middle daughter has ODD and her son has ADHD. And tend to melt down often. So now on to the situation.

We were at the in-laws discussing dinner for the week as each group will take a night to purchase and prepare dinner for everyone. My kids are not picky eaters, but obviously have things they don’t like.

Both my kids hate potatoes. (Only eat French fries) Sil reminded us that her one daughter has a severe peanut allergy and mild seafood allergy. My 12yr old said awe man I forgot about that.

I wanted fish tacos for dinner. (We are going were seafood is amazing) hearing this sil raised her voice at my son and so said…”yeah lets have fish tacos so my daughter dies” “great idea”.

In-laws and I snapped back saying that was not what he meant. He was not demanding we have fish. So I’m already irritated with her. When she announces she will make chili my heart drops.

My sil puts cubed potatoes in her chili. My husband says to my son. Guess you won’t be eating chili that night your Aunt puts potatoes in her chili. Sil loses it and says to my son well that’s how I make it so deal with it.

My son says ok I’ll just have a sandwich that night. Sil says no you won’t. You eat what’s served or don’t eat anything that’s the rule. I say no it’s not the rule and he most definitely can eat a sandwich that night.

Sil replies absolutely not. My kids eat what is served or they don’t eat. If your kids start that carp then my kids will expect the same treatment so your kids need to follow the rules.

I said my kids will follow my rules and my rule is son can have a sandwich instead of chili end of story. Sil starts to say something and my father in law says everyone quiet!! I paid for this trip so if anyone has a say in rules it’s me…my rules.

So my rule right now is drop the dinner disagreement and move on. The rest of the night went OK. However when leaving my husband’s brother told him I over stepped and we all know how his kids get if they are set off so just make your son eat the damn chili.

He can pick out the potatoes. On the way home we decided we will skip family dinner that night and go out to eat. Hubby called his dad and told him our plan. His dad said that’s fine.

This is a family vacation, but everyone is allowed to do as they want with their families. So AITAH?

Here’s how people reacted:

bopp0

ESH. Why can you not request that a portion of the chili be set aside without potatoes/made without potatoes/have your kids pick them out? Similarly, can you not have fish tacos one night and simply fry up some beef or chicken for the allergy kid? It’s literally the easiest dish to customize. Y’all have so much beef you’re not even trying to find common ground, family trips are about compromise, and your husband should be the first line of defense against his family anyway.

chapter_zero_99

NTA

Your kids, your rules. If your SIL wants to run a dictatorship, she can stick to her own family. She doesn’t get to parent yours. Good on you for standing up for your son and not letting her decide for everyone just because her kids can’t handle seeing someone else live differently. Skipping dinner and doing your own thing sounds like the least dramatic solution.

AssuredAttention

ODD is what shitty ass kids with shitty ass parents get diagnosed with. Notice how there are never adults with it? It is because it is a direct reflection of shitty parenting. Your SIL is a shitty parent. Get your kid a fish taco and let him enjoy himself. Use it as an excuse for her family to stay the hell away from him

paparoach910

ESH. Your sister in law for being a crazy narcissist, and for ruining chili. And honestly, you and your husband for continuing to spend time with that family knowing this will always happen. A vacation is supposed to be relaxing, not full of stress, anxiety, and drama.

dssstrkl

I would just skip all the dinners with SIL, she sounds absolutely exhausting. What kind of absolute lunatic puts potato in chili? Go out for your kid’s fish tacos on her day and skip any other meal when she decides to be difficult.

NTA

Appropriate_Carob690

The thing is is that SIL’s kids have dietary restrictions where OP’s just have silly preferences. That woman is crazy, I’ve literally made chicken tortillas soup and made a vegan batch for two of my guests…cuz you’know trying to human

Allaboutbird

NTA. It’s not the job of your children to keep someone else’s children in line – especially not on vacation where rules are often relaxed a bit. SIL needs to calm down and realize she and her kids aren’t the center of the universe.

Kinbenyuuki

NTA, Your sil doesn’t get to boss you around, everyone is responsible for their own families. Would she allow you to boss her kids around? Not likely, so I don’t know why she thinks she can boss yours around.

Agile_Deer_739

You are not the asshole. Your sil is. You are the parents and those are your children. It is not your fault that she cannot control her children. Glad the in laws see and respect that

MimiLaRue2

It’s time your sil learns she can’t control everything and everyone, and different families have different rules. And this should be the last vacation you take with extended family.

Laylay_theGrail

So…everyone has to follow SILs rules and avoid fish (due to allergy)? Fine. Make the damn chili without potatoes so everyone enjoys it.

Also, who tf puts potatoes in chili?

Wild_Ticket1413

Sounds as if you should not be vacationing together. Or maybe you should get your own accommodations, hang out with them during the day, and then do what you want for dinner.

Efficient_zamboni648

I would venture a guess that the medical dx are more behavioral then chemical, and directly related to a high control household situation.

Youre NTA.

Civil-Opportunity751

Your SIL and BIL are huge TAs. I get having children with special needs and the need for schedules and consistency but they are out of line.

Trick_Delivery4609

NTA

Go out for fish tacos or awesome seafood that night! (Just wash hands and brush teeth after please. And don’t bring home leftovers!)

UpOutThatJam

NTA.

Mild reaction? That just sounds like she doesn’t like the taste. Please come back with an update once the trip is over.

Murky_Statement_9460

NTA, but SIL is for putting potatoes in chili, among many other things. I wouldn’t eat that either, and I love potatoes.

PsychoBabble411

NTA- SIL has major issues that her kids will be dealing with with well into adulthood. Stand your ground or stay home!

nolan358

SIL is insane and a huge PITA. Screw her rules skip dinner and take your kids out for fish taco’s.

Conclusion

The original poster (OP) found herself in a tense conflict with her sister-in-law (SIL) regarding mealtime rules for her children during a family vacation. The core of the disagreement centered on the OP asserting her right to determine what her children eat versus the SIL’s insistence that the OP’s children adhere to the SIL’s household rules, specifically concerning a potato-containing chili, under the threat of going hungry.

Was the OP justified in setting her own boundaries for her children’s meals against the SIL’s demands, or should she have prioritized group harmony by forcing her son to eat the provided meal? Where does the authority lie when managing one’s own children during a shared family event?