Her cries for help were met with refusal, each denied request a piercing reminder of isolation in a time when she needed love and care most. The weight of independence bore down heavily, not as a choice but as a necessity, forcing her to build strength from solitude while dreaming of the warmth and closeness that remained just out of reach.
I found out I was pregnant with my daughter at 19 years old, had her at 20. When I told my parents they said they’ld be happy for me but they didn’t want to pay for anything, have us live with them or babysit all the time, basically wanting to treat me they same they would if I had kids older and not as a teenager still going to university.
I was already living independently, both my boyfriend and I worked and we live in a country with free/cheap education and healthcare. In our culture families are close and grandparents are very involved in their grandchildren’s lives, so I thought they’d still be emotionally supportive.
During my pregnancy I asked my parents and/or sister for help a few times: driving me to the hospital when I started contracting 3 months early, picking me up for a family event when I wasn’t allowed to drive, helping me prepare meals to put in the freezer, and staying with them for a weekend when I was due any day and my boyfriend couldn’t be home.
They refused, telling me that I was expecting to be catered to. They also didn’t want to come with me to ultrasounds or basically hear me talking about anything baby related, telling me that I was trying to win them over and have them “forget that I was making dumb decisions”.
When I spoke to other relatives my sister “joked” that I was trying to get gifts from them. I had severe post-partum depression and thought I was an entitled jerk and a failure, unworthy of the baby or anybody’s support but impoved a lot after months of therapy.
My relationship with my parents started improving after they apologised for not getting me to the hospital. They told me they were afraid I was going to destroy my life and thought that they were showing tough love.
Impovement in our case meant that we we’re on speaking terms and they’re allowed in their granddaughter’s life, we’re not close.
Which brings us to today, 3 years later. My sister (29yo) is pregnant and she’s getting a completely different treatment than I did when I was treated “as an independent adult”. Our parents stay with her when her husband isn’t home, don’t let her do any housework, paid for her birthing class and a maternity photoshoot and get her whatever she craves to eat.
Yesterday my mother called and asked me to bring over to her house all of my daughter’s old furniture, toys and anything else of her baby stuff I have kept because she wants to set up a nursery so my sister’s baby will have everything they need when she babysits.
Apparently my sister wanted my parents to buy some new stuff to keep at their house but my mother told her mine will do. I answered that mine will not do, my sister should try to get freebies from other relatives instead, and ended the call.
I’ve been getting texts from my parents and sister telling me to come to my senses and calling me petty, immature and resentful among other things.
So, reddit, am I the asshole here?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) experienced a significant lack of emotional and practical support from her family during a vulnerable time—her early pregnancy and postpartum period—while she was treated as an independent adult. Three years later, her sister is receiving extensive, privileged support, leading the OP to refuse to share her daughter’s used baby items.
The central conflict rests on whether the OP is justified in protecting her emotional boundaries and refusing to enable the perceived favoritism, or if her refusal is an act of petty resentment damaging current familial relations. Should the OP prioritize self-protection and fairness, or should she yield to familial pressure for the sake of broader family peace?
Here’s how people reacted:
I think everyone in this situation is an asshole except you. I know people say family is meant to be this unbreakable thing and they should be forgiven. But truely, you get to choose your family. You don’t have to hold onto toxic people just because you share some DNA.
NTA
Honestly, I think your parents might have “mended” their ways after pretty much shunning you and seeing that some of your requests were 100% serious, especially the contraction one. BUT: you have every right to refuse giving your belongings to someone else, especially if they have SEVERLY wronged you during a similar situation. Also, a lot of people keep stuff like this as memories, which makes it even more understandable to not want to give it away.
NTA NTA NTA NTA
I’m repeating this comment from earlier because it’s what I was going to say:
” [PattyLeeTX](https://www.reddit.com/user/PattyLeeTX/)NTA – tell them you need to hold onto your items in the event you have another child and they decide to ostracize you again, forcing you to buy all NEW stuff.”
That. 1000%.
Karma’s a butch
Oh and I would let the rents know you are not blind and their actions will have consequences on your relationship with them. They need to bear their past actions in mind so in the future they will know why you and your family will have nothing to do with them.
(Almost 100% certain it would change my final judgement, but may change how I give it.)
Sell your old things and put the money away for your daughter.
If your parents want toys and furniture at their house, they can buy it.