Amidst the storm, a quiet heartbreak lingers—a gentle girl rejected, a life condemned before it begins, and a father torn between protecting his child and confronting harsh truths. This is a story of fractured bonds and the painful journey toward acceptance, where love, regret, and the hope for redemption hang in precarious balance.
I have a son named Will who’s 22. His mother and I split when he was 4 and we shared custody.
For over a year, Will has been going out with his girlfriend, Elise, who’s 19 and they moved in together 5 months ago. She’s a very sweet and respectful girl and I thought they made a nice couple.
Well almost 2 months ago, I heard from my ex wife that Will kicked Elise out after he found out she was pregnant.
I didn’t want to believe that was the only reason and called Will. He explained to me that Elise told him she was pregnant and he was furious with her because she didn’t want to have an abortion.
He said he wants nothing to do with her or “any stupid baby” and he’s not going to pay a cent. I was appalled by his attitude about all this and reminded him that it takes two to make a baby and he needs to own up to his actions.
Will said it was all Elise’s fault for not wanting to get rid of the baby. He was far too upset and I felt myself getting angry too. I told him I’d call again when he’s calmed down.
I reached out to Elise and she was a mess. The poor girl was terrified. She said she couldn’t bring herself to have an abortion due to her religious upbringing but she didn’t expect Will to react this way.
I found out she was forced to stay at a friends house because her parents are also refusing to let her move back because she “shamed them.”
I talked with my wife and we agreed to have Elise come live with us in our spare bedroom. I’ve spoken to Will many times and he’s still adamant about not being involved or at the very least helping out financially because he doesn’t want to be a dad or ruin his life.
Our last talk, I got so furious with him I said if he doesn’t want to accept any responsibility for his child, then I will do the same and have nothing to do with him.
My ex wife called me because Will complained I was siding with Elise over him and said I don’t have to cut contact with him over this
We had our own fight but I refused to budge. It’s been a few weeks like this now without any contact. Will has tried calling me several times and left many angry voicemails and texts saying I betrayed him.
I’ve had to block him.
It just breaks my heart and I’m wondering where exactly we went wrong as parents. Where I went wrong. I really thought we raised him better than this and taught him that in life, it’s always important to take responsibility for your actions and now he’s completely run away from them.
My ex is very angry with me for turning my back on him even if she doesn’t agree with what he’s doing either.
My wife and I decided we would help Elise with the baby and all other expenses. And that she’s free to stay with us as long as she needs to.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) is deeply conflicted, prioritizing his moral commitment to supporting the pregnant young woman, Elise, over maintaining a relationship with his son, Will. The central conflict lies between the OP’s belief in personal responsibility, which he demonstrated by supporting Elise, and Will’s absolute refusal to acknowledge his role in the pregnancy, leading to a complete breakdown in the father-son relationship.
Was the OP justified in cutting off contact with his son as a direct consequence of Will’s refusal to accept responsibility for his actions, or did this drastic measure betray his role as a father? The debate centers on whether establishing firm moral boundaries, even with severe relational consequences, is a necessary act of parenting when foundational values are ignored.
Here’s how people reacted:
That being said, you are not wrong for wanting to help this girl. I get it. To you, it will be your grandchild. Some people believe in abortion, others don’t. We can’t shame people for believing in abortion or wanting one for their situation just because they’re men. But you helping her? Fuck yeah. You should absolutely do that if you feel so inclined. But I don’t think you should cut out your son because he isn’t ready to he a parent and wants an abortion. I’d say maybe NAH, but don’t cut him out entirely and punish him this way bc he believes in abortion and would like one. If she decided to have one, he would be expected to be fine. If she goes after him for child support, I’d get it, though he doesn’t have to want to contribute. More power to her in this regard. However, the decision to want to terminate a pregnancy is perfectly legal and morally acceptable.
I know this is probably wildly unpopular, but it comes with abortion being acceptable and a necessary part of society. Children affect both parties, just like abortion. Children just shouldn’t be a punishment.
Edit to add: without ensuring this pregnant girl had somewhere to go and live comfortably, your son should not have kicked her out. That is fucked up. I feel terribly for her, no matter her decision to forego the abortion. I would’ve been equally apprehensive at 20. I had a religious upbringing and I get it and really feel for her. I guess ESH bc no one should have to be a parent when they recognize at fetus stage they’d rather not but also don’t leave people destitute when you’re partially responsible for the situation.
Will is pretty obvious, and the biggest offender; whether you want it or not, you got a girl pregnant, and you don’t get to just slam the eject button. This is the kind of thing you should discuss with any partner beforehand, and if you don’t want the baby, and resent her for forcing it, fine, but you still have to man up and take care of the lives you had a hand in changing and creating…even if you don’t want to be with her anymore.
That said, 22 is still very young, and I totally get being scared and sad and even angry…to an extent. He’s now never going to have the life he pictured for himself, and it’s a tremendous burden to have no agency in…beyond the initial decision to have sex, anyway. He’s going WAY over the top, but it’s NOT really fair for Elise’s beliefs to trump his, and dictate the course of the rest of his life. Obviously, it’s the way it has to be, but getting upset about it is reasonable.
You’re doing the right thing by taking care of your grandchild and their mother, OP. A-plus, gold star, you’re a hero! But as awful as your son is being, he’s still your son, going through the biggest and most stressful moment of his life. Yes, he’s clearly in need of some tough love to get his stuff together, but he’s also in need of support. And you can’t give him either by cutting him out of your life entirely. All you’re going to do is give him even more reason to resent his child and the mother. As hard as it will be, and as much as he may not deserve it, the best outcome for everyone will be to try and bring him around.
I think OP has good intentions, but he can help Elsie and his son. And cutting his son out of his life isn’t what’s best for his future grandkid either
HE argues it’s ok for him to abandon his kid. You argue it’s not. Therefore you should model NOT abandoning your child (even if he is no longer a child).
By which I mean, you talk to him and have a relationship, but make it clear that the reason you’re in touch is that you are not going to abandon your offspring, no matter how mad you might be.
Edit: thanks for the awards and kind words!
Actually cutting him out may be a bit harsh, but he is the biggest AH in this. You’re acting like a man, he’s acting like a petulant child.
You helping out the girl he maliciously used is amazing and I have to give you massive kudos for that.
(1) If he can pretend he isn’t about to have a child, you can pretend you don’t have a child. He’s an adult – this isn’t a situation where you’re responsible for him anymore.
(2) They have been dating for over a year and her religious upbringing led her not to want an abortion. He had no reason to think that she would get an abortion in a situation like this.
So if your son was in Elise’s position and wanted an abortion that would be fine, but since he’s the man in this scenario he should be forced to take responsibility for a child he didn’t want?
Yeah, no, that’s not how that should work.
But damn you’re awesome for helping out Elise. She’ll never forget that
Edit: thank you kind strangersssss.