What should have been a simple moment of independence for Annie turns into a heartbreaking trial when a small act of domestic routine spirals into a storm of accusations and tears. The parents’ vacation becomes a crucible of anger and pain, threatening to fracture the family bond as the mother takes a stand, walking away to protect her daughter and herself from the unbearable weight of blame.
It our first real vacation since 2020 and my first with just my husband and in over 10 years.
Our daughter Annie (17) was left home alone. For some reason recently Annie can do no right in hubby’s eyes. Dress, music, chores. He has deemed her irresponsible. It farthest from the truth.
She has a summer job and makes good grades. She’s in-fact kinda a hermit for her age.
Unknown to me my husband set the hot water heater to refill only once a day while we are gone. Annie did some dishes and laundry. She took a shower and the water was cold. She was upset and thought it broke and called us panicking.
My husband yelled into her for wasting our hot water and telling her how irresponsible she was enough to make her cry.
I got madder than I ever have in this marriage and basically said most parents would love to have a 17 year old like Annie. We argued and screamed all night so next day I left the resort to a little hotel down the street.
My husband as been trying to call me and I told Annie to block her father and don’t pay attention to him.
My husband is mad about the wasted money on this vacation but I can’t stand to even look at him over an argument over something so stupid and preventable.
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) reached an emotional breaking point due to their husband’s harsh and unfair criticism of their daughter regarding a preventable household issue. The central conflict lies between the OP’s defense of their responsible teenage daughter and the husband’s established pattern of finding fault, which escalated into a major marital dispute leading to the OP separating from the vacation.
Is the OP justified in completely abandoning the shared vacation and instructing their daughter to block communication with the father over this conflict, or did this reaction inflict unnecessary emotional damage and escalate a solvable disagreement into a permanent rift?
Here’s how people reacted:
Respectfully, there could be a few reasons your husband has these issues aimed at your daughter.
1. If its also his child, he has a suspicion ots not his child.
2. If its a step child, he’s taking out hostilities about your previous relationship on her.
3. He’s bitter its a girl instead of a boy. This is a real thing if this is your only child.
4. The most frightening, he’s sexuality attracted to the daughter and trying to get here out of the house.
One other possibility is he knows something you don’t, and this is underhanded punishment.
Cross up wires in the brain, like he’s sexually attracted to her, AND he knows/suspects (real or not) she’s had sex with someone else… mental health issues are rarely obvious and can happen at weird times (like ‘rona lockdown)
I know of a case just a few years back where a normally hard working, stable woman turned on her daughter, eventually kicking her out because she didn’t follow the mother’s extreme political views,
. Not that the daughter had an opposite political view, just that she was ambivalent, so a 16 year old wound up looking for a place to live.
Instead of ignoring him and having your daughter block him, maybe you should find out what’s going on in his life that he’s acting out against the daughter like he is and help him through it.
If you’re telling the daughter to block his calls and you’re not willing to try and help your husband, you might as well file for divorce. You and he will remain miserable otherwise.
\[Edit\] Also, I’m not sure how he set a water heater to only fill and heat once a day. Is that a feature that some countries have? Normally, they refill as they are used and heat as they go.
\[Edit2\] It must be hell being married to some of you who think going no-contact is healthy or the right thing to do in a marriage.
2 to 5 years from now, (depending of whether she needs schooling support from you) don’t be surprised if she goes NC with BOTH OF YOU!! Her father for the abuse and you for not standing up for her. Good job in chasing your daughter away.
The fact that this has gone on for so long makes you close the being the AH.
Edit: my wording was bad. This is a recent development, but this should have been dealt with ASAP.
Let me get this straight… your husband is mad because the daughter who was home alone washed dishes, did laundry, and took a shower? My mom would have jumped up and down if I washed dishes and did laundry as a 17 yr old home alone. That’s fucking nuts.
You’re absolutely NTA. Your daughter seems awesome and your husband needs… help, or something. You are awesome for standing up for your daughter like that.
You need to truly consider whether you are enabling this abuse by staying with him and giving him an avenue for the ongoing verbal abuse of your child.
NTA for your behavior here, thanks for sticking up for an innocent kid.
He sees nothing wrong with his behavior. Either he needs therapy or you need to do more than leave him just for the vacation.
It sounds like this has been a problem for a while, and something you should be addressing with your husband, perhaps thru therapy.
There’s gotta be more going on here if like your saying it’s out of the blue. Time to go into Detective mode. Try talking to Annie to pinpoint something? Look through phones? Something’s weird…. the hot water thing is just spiteful.
Family therapy at the least.
What a jerk.
NTA
No. Your husband ruined the vacation with his stinky attitude. He needs to get a grip and some guidance with a professional.