Caught between her brother’s protective instincts and her sister-in-law’s silent struggle, she faces the painful question of empathy and respect. In this delicate dance of intentions and emotions, the lines between right and wrong blur, revealing the complexity of human connection and the unspoken wounds we all carry.
I (31f) have really bad back acne. I was going to the beach with my mom (53f), my brother (28m), and my brother’s wife (26f). I don’t know my sister-in-law very well but she seems very sweet.
She had offered to rub sunscreen on my mom. After SIL was finished with my mom, I asked SIL if she can rub sunscreen on my back. She said she was happy to and she did.
That evening, my brother confronted me. He said his wife has many issues including social anxiety. He said she has a problem saying no. He said she told him how uncomfortable she felt putting sunscreen on my back.
He told me it was inconsiderate of me to ask someone who’s not in Healthcare to touch diseased skin.
SIL continued being very sweet to me and my mom. My brother seemed cold with me and he was very protective of his wife. Am I the asshole ?
Conclusion
The original poster (OP) found themselves in a difficult situation after requesting a simple favor that was interpreted negatively by their brother. The central conflict lies between OP’s innocent request for help with sunscreen application and the brother’s strong reaction, rooted in perceived concerns about his wife’s comfort and the nature of the skin condition.
Was the OP wrong for asking for assistance with sunscreen application when the sister-in-law (SIL) had already offered help to others, or was the brother justified in confronting OP based on his understanding of his wife’s anxiety and comfort levels? Readers must weigh the need for assistance against the potential social discomfort caused.
Here’s how people reacted:
Alternatively, use an anti-bacterial soap to scrub your back with the back brush, pat dry, then apply the Neutrogena Clear Pore Cleanser and Mask liberally as a mask. Let it sit until completely dry. Remove by rinsing off in the shower with help from a wash cloth or the back brush again. Apply the Rapid Clear Spot Gel if desired. Continue to use the anti-bacterial soap and back brush every shower with spit gel after. Use the mask every couple days until it clears up completely then continue the wash process everyday and only use mask I ceca week.
Either process will result in the back acne clearing up very quickly. You literally should see results starting in the first few days. Good luck!🍀
Also your SIL is part of the family. She already offered to sunscreen your Mom demonstrating an openness to touch your family so the onus is on her to say no if she’s uncomfortable with an ask. I have social anxiety too, and saying no is hard so I get it. It would be awesome if everyone could just read each other’s minds, but we can’t. *So we have to talk*, and I fully would have expected her to be comfortable with doing something she says yes to. She literally consented to it. I navigate my asks of people based off of what they say and do, and SHE OFFERED TO HELP YOUR MOM. You having acne shouldn’t impact anything. Your body is just existing and I refuse to say you should hide, or play weird social games around having acne, particularly in a FAMILY setting. She displayed behaviour indicating your ask was reasonable and she should have said no if the issue was your acne, not you as a human asking. ACNE BACKS DESERVE SUNSCREEN.
Your brother blew it way out of proportion and was being an asshole about a skin condition that isn’t contagious. I get people being grossed out, but that doesn’t change that fact that people with acne need sunblock on hard to reach areas, too.
This post’s comments are honestly grossing me out more than the existence of anyone’s cystic acne I might have to rub sunblock on is, and I’m mid gross breakout and on the verge of calling my dermatologist for help myself.
Please know that you’re lovely and most of the people on this site are cruel squeamish babies. And honestly, good for you for going to the beach and rocking your bare back even with some acne. As this thread demonstrates with their cruelty, it’s really hard to put yourself out there like that. Keep your chin up, and tell your brother not to be such a d\*ck 🙂
NTA
Your brother and SIL could have handled this differently, and you could have been more considerate of someone who you don’t know super well.
TBH SIL is the asshole for failing to communicate and then blaming you. Like, if she doesn’t want to, she could just say “no.” If she can’t/doesn’t, how exactly is that your problem? Blaming you is AH af
I’m sorry that you are suffering with “really bad acne” but reading your post makes me want to puke. I find you asking anyone to touch your back disgusting. It wouldn’t even enter my mind to ask someone to do that, not even with gloves. Your brother is 100% in the right to defend his wife.
There are plenty of spray sunscreens available. A little consideration for others would go a long way.
Furthermore, your mom was there. She’s someone who is much closer to you. You should have just asked her,
unless your skin is dripping with us or they easily pop from rubbing the lotion, she can wash or sanitize her hands after the application.